The Kissing Bandit

- Hello, Chico. - Hello.

I have a letter for you.

- There's two pesos due on it. - Then keep it.

But maybe somebody wants a room here.

Nobody ever wants a room here.

- Who is it from? - It's from the United States.

- Someplace called Boston. - Boston?

Boston! Give it to me. Here.

Here. Give it to me. Boston.

Fernando.

Rosita.

Fernando.

Rosita, a letter from Boston.

Must be from Ricardo, the chief's son.

Fernando, letter. Must be the little one.

But, hey-- But who can read it?

- Pepito. Pepito, he can read. - Pepito.

- Pepito. - Pepito.

- Pepito. - Pepito.

- Pepito. - Pepito.

- Pepito. - Pepito.

Here I am.

Please. Here, Pepito.

If you can read this for me, a whole peso for you.

Read.

"Dear, Chico, my father's old friend.

How nice of you to invite me to come out to California...

...the home of my childhood.

I am sorry to hear that business has been bad...

...but please stop worrying.

I know that I can help you.

There is a school right here in Boston...

...that teaches nothing but how to manage a business like father's.

For years, I have been studying.

I am leaving at once to join you.

Together we'll run the business and turn it into a great success.

Ever yours, Ricardo."

You hear that? In Boston they teach you how to be a bandit.

You can learn it in a school.

When we're back in business again we're gonna be bandits once more.

We'll ride and rob and be rich and famous.

Fernando, my horse. Get my horse. Quick. I gotta tell the men.

Olé, Pablo.

Come on.

Pedro.

Olé.

Esteban.

Come on.

Amigos. Amigos.

Hey.

Look what I have been keeping for our new chief.

A beautiful picture of his father, a real likeness.

Oh!

How proud his son will be.

And why not?

In the whole history of California...

...never has there been such a reward for a bandit. Never.

Do you know what they are offering for the head of Dirty Danilo?

- No. - Five hundred pesos.

- And that's too much. - Sure it's too much.

Where are you going to hang him?

Please, let us not use that word.

The boy will be just like him.

Wait and see.

Chico, Chico, look.

Ricardo's arriving.

He rides like the devil.

How he rides.

Just like his father.

What a leader he will make.

Come, everyone, let us greet him.

Manuel, bring the music.

- Come on. Hurry up. - Come on, muchachos.

Everybody, come on. Let us give him a welcome of a hero.

Come on, everybody.

How do you do?

I-- I'm terribly sorry. I haven't known the horse very long and I--

And I'm terribly sorry that I messed up the furniture.

- This is a very nice place you've got here. - Yes.

- And who is that? - That is the Kissing Bandit.

- The Kissing Bandit. - Your father.

It's my father, the Kissing--

My father, the Kissing Bandit?

- Of course. - My father....

Where--? Where am I?

What happened?

Little one, you fainted.

- I fainted? - No. No, no, don't worry.

Don't worry, Ricardo.

I am Chico, your old friend, remember?

Oh, yeah. Hello.

Chico...

...what you said about my father, he did own the inn, didn't he?

He was an innkeeper, wasn't he?

Shh, shh, shh.

Didn't you ever hear about him doing something else?

Oh.

Yes, I heard he had a little sideline.

Mm. Mm-hm.

You mean, the little sideline was being a bandit?

No, the little sideline was being an innkeeper.

The main thing was being a bandit.

Oh, my.

Oh, me.

Son of a bandit.

That's terrible.

But you're not the son of just a bandit.

You're the son of the Kissing Bandit, the greatest bandit in all California.

Big thing.

Tell me, when you answered my letter...

...when you said you wanted to take your father's place...

...you meant you wanted to be an innkeeper?

Of course.

Chico, I know all about the hotel business.

I've studied.

Look, I brought my cookbooks...

...and plans to make this the finest hotel in all California.

I-- Hot water in every room.

Clean sheets on every bed.

And window boxes.

Window boxes in every window with pretty flowers and--

Oh.

Chico?

You mean, when you sent for me to take my father's place...

...you thought I would be the bandit chief?

Of course.

Oh, no.

No, no, no.

- But-- But, listen, Ricardo. - No.

Ever since your father died, I kept his men together.

They had offers, good offers from other chiefs.

From Dirty Danilo, One-Eyed Louie...

...but I never let them take the offers.

"No," I said, "we will wait for the son of our chief."

"He will be a great leader," I said, "just like his father."

And you gotta be.

You gotta be and you're gonna be.

No, no, Chico, that's ridiculous.

I couldn't lead any men.

I couldn't lead anybody.

Look.

Look at me.

If I held you up, would you give me your money?

Well, I--

Well, your father didn't look too good when he first started either.

Wait.

But, Chico, I can't even ride.

You saw me fall off that horse.

- Well, everyone can have an accident. - That was no accident.

I've been falling off that horse ever since I got him.

I'm afraid of him.

I'm afraid of fights and loud noises and-- Well, I'm practically afraid of everything.

Nearly everybody is afraid of nearly everything.

All you gotta do is not to show it.

There. That was your father's.

- Oh, it's no use, Chico. - Wait.

Here.

Your father's sombrero.

Oh, you're wasting your time.

What a difference. Already you look twice as big.

Sure. Look at yourself in the glass. Go on. Look.

Oh, you look just like your father.

If I didn't know it was you, I would think it was him.

You were born to be a bandit.

You know, I read a lot of books when I was a little boy about bandits.

Like Robin Hood and people like that.

- Must be a rather exciting life. - Huh?

You read books about the bandits?

Then you know practically everything and what you don't know, I will show you.

You're gonna be rich and famous like your father.

Then I will be happy, the men will be happy...

...and everyone will know the Kissing Bandit is riding again.

Chico, why did they call my father the Kissing Bandit?

Oh, every bandit chief got a trademark.

After every robbery, your father used to kiss the women...

...like you're gonna do.

That was his trademark.

- He kissed women he didn't even know? - Sure.

Women he wasn't introduced to?

Oh, but you're gonna like it.

Oh, no, I won't.

Why, in Boston you don't even kiss women you do know.

- Not until you're engaged to them. Oh, no. - But wait.

Kissing is the best part of the job...

...because in California, all the women are beautiful.

We got nothing but beautiful women.

Teresa, the carriage is waiting and your aunt is getting nervous.

Oh, thank you, sister.

Teresa, are you sad about leaving the school?

- Hmm. - Well, are you happy?

Mm-mm.

No more studying once you're home.

And no more classes.

And you won't get to play with us and sing for us or anything anymore.

What are you going to do? You're finishing everything today.

Oh, no, my life begins tomorrow.

It's true there won't be classes or lessons but--

Well, there will be new things.

Things like-- Like romance.

And that's something you don't even know about.