Kaun Kitney Paani Mein

Destruction is the duty of time.

He destroyed the dinosaurs in the ice-age.

He destroyed kingdoms and royalty in the era of democracy.

I'm the last surviving member of one such species.

I am King Braj Singhdeo

The story dates back to my childhood in 1985

of a king and his people in a small part of eastern India

This is a story of a king and his subjects

A long time ago, all this land was ours

How much ever land a king possesses, it never feels enough

But, father, where did all the land go?

Under the Land Ceiling Act, the government

confiscated thousands of acres

But that doesn't make a prince a pauper

Even today, commoners won't raise their eyes to meet ours

Prince Brajkishore Singhdeo, promise me

that you will establish our empire again

But how?

You need vision for that, Prince

That's why I have arranged your sister's marriage

into an influential political family

One arrow, many targets

The king had hatched a plot, but he hadn't

accounted for Cupid's arrow

Nor did the arrow follow the hunter's gaze

And the target was low caste Dora

Brother, some water please

You forgot your own caste?

Thirst has no caste but it must be quenched

Don't act smart. Get back to work

This is the same Dora, who never dared to

raise his gaze above our knees,

How could he?

Because he is from a low caste, that has served royalty all its life

Their duty was to serve,

ours was to enjoy

We both performed our duties well

Congratulations!

And to you too!

Two auspicious deeds on the same day

The king's daughter is getting engaged,

And ritual offerings are being sent to the big temple

Long live Lord Jagannath!

Long live Lord Jagannath!

Long live Lord Jagannath!

Long live Lord Jagannath!

Long live Lord Jagannath!

Long live Lord Jagannath!

Long live Lord Jagannath!

You have polluted the holy offerings with your shadow!

Get away, beggars!

Long live Jagannath!

Long live Jagannath!

I'm so angry, I could shove the holy pot into him-and purify them

Calm down...

from sowing to harvesting, we slave away,

but all these swines do is shit

Good thing they at least shit by themselves

A wise man said that for the common man,

religion is the biggest intoxicant

Anyone opposing them is bound to pay the price

That wise man has surely never been in love

Satisfied?

Dora, now stop fantasising

These upper caste people can be very mean

Kharu was right

But love is blind

As the poet Khusro said,

'O Khusro, the river of love has strange currents.

He who jumps in, drowns

He who drowns, gets across!'

No!

Leave him, please!

Get rid of this old man!

Leave him!

Laxmi!

Dora!

Dora, Dora!

Dora, get up!

Dora!

Dora!

The king fulfilled his royal duties,

Dispensing justice from the barrel of a gun

But I was never sure-was this justice?

IN TROUBLED WATERS

It was a dark time,

Fostering even darker thoughts

It wasn't my father's fault,

The times were such

He didn't allow them to understand.

That the justice the king meted out today..

...will be a curse to his descendants tomorrow.

This wall isn't being built today, it was always there.

Remember, this is what happens to those

who dare to break the rules

My lord, you have meted justice to my son,

But it is raining in our village after three years

Please let us save this water, my lord

The wall can be built later

Please let us store the rain water

Forget water, you don't even deserve piss, you swines

You have had enough freebies from the royals

Let's see how you will survive on barren land on your own

The fish is the queen of the water,

water is her life

What fish? And whose water?

It's about life, there is no life without water

Rain would come to our area like a guest,

for just a couple of days

Yet, it would leave a year-long water supply as a gift

But when the people who took care of the rainwater left,

the water left as well

It still rains, but we don't honour it

How could we?

The rich would not even wash themselves

it still rains, but the water flows down to the Lower Village

where it is welcomed, respected and stored

We couldn't do all this because we were wealthy

We spent money like water

A royal kingdom with high caste people must have big egos

We were utterly ruined in the last 3O years.

Bearer!

Where the hell are you?

Coming, my lord!

Long live Lord Jagannath!

Bearer!

Yes my lord!

Should I add a touch of white to my moustache?

No, my lord! A king's moustache can never be wilted, nor white

What king?

I feel like a bull these days, but I don't even know whom to chase any more

My lord, won't you go out to celebrate Holi, the festival of colours?

Holi is a festival of the low castes

We warriors celebrate Dussehra

Bearer!

Yes my lord!

We have acquired all these lands,

but why not these two plots'?

The documents will be here any time

So should I...

Yes, please mark them

Father, even this dream of yours has come true

Nature's call

It's today's

I don't want to read it

Don't worry, there's water for that today

Ah, then I'll take a bath today

My lord, there's only one tin of water left. Either we cook or...

Then I'll just gargle

My lord, please gulp what you gargle

I'm really sorry, the auction was pegged at Rs 1O million

But in the last half an hour, not one bidder has come forward

Mr Agarwal, what's happening?

This is dry land without water, Mr Mohanty

Set a practical price

Shall I halve it? Rs 5 million it is now

Come on now, it's just Rs 5 million

Rs 5 million

It's still not good enough, Mr. Mohanty

Should I make it Rs 2.5 million?

Ok, Rs 2.5 million

Hey, it's just Rs 2.5 million

I said, it's just Rs 2.5 million!

Mr Agarwal, shall I make it Rs. 500,000?

Stop it, I say! Is this an auction or a bloody joke?

My lord, Rs 500,000 is rather high for this dry land

Your 'assets' are no good either, shall break your balls?

My lord, be careful! They are my most precious assets

So are mine. Get lost!

Get lost!

Get lost!

You should have made the best of a bad deal, my lord

Swiped the pants off a thief!

This is Singhdeds kingdom. It will sell for a royal sum,

not the price of a retired whore

My lord, I warned you not to do such an inauspicious thing

on an auspicious day

What auspicious day? Even on Holi, there's not a drop

of water in the village

This reward is neither because of Kharu the Wrestler,

nor because of my daughter Faro

It's because of all of you

The day is not far, when Kharu the Wrestler will be elected

Member of the Legislative Assembly (MLA) in Odisha state

Just a minute, Dad!

Today is Ho“,

but there's an even bigger reason to celebrate

Today the Indian President has honoured us with the 'Clean Village Award'

Cheers to the Lower Village!

Here's to Kharu the Wrestler!

I wish you all Happy Holi!

L, Kharu the Wrestler, swear before God,

that I will respect the Constitution of India

And I will do my duty towards my fellowmen

with full dedication and honesty

As MLA of Odisha, I will serve the people with fairness

Mother, our leader is practising his speech-leave him alone

I, Kharu the Wrestler...

I, Kharu the Wrestler...

It is our good fortune that you are visiting our village