Irresistible

Brought to you by iRiS | TRiNiTY § Enjoy the flick §

Good evening. I welcome you to the third

and final of the 2016 presidential debates.

We either have a country, or we don't.

Rounding up people who are undocumented...

We have some bad hombres here.

...is an idea that is not in keeping

- with who we are as a nation. I tell it like it is.

I'm happy to compare my 30 years of experience...

The one thing you have

over me is experience, but it's bad experience.

We are going to make America great again,

and it has to start now.

I hope you will give me a chance

to serve as your president.

Donald Trump told the American people

the truth tonight, as he always does.

Hillary Clinton is the real outsider.

Look, whatever you think you saw tonight...

You didn't. You actually saw what I saw,

and I think that the American people...

Would agree with me.

As long as I say it repeatedly, doggedly...

And with unearned confidence.

I lie.

I am lying to you.

And you know I lie.

I'm actually in this position

because of how effectively I lie to you.

Are we clear?

We call this the spin room, without shame.

Spinning is something you do to disorient people.

And you all know that, and yet here we are.

What a wonderful play we're putting on.

Thank you all so much.

And fuck you, America.

I look forward to lying to you in the future.

See you at the bar.

- (reporters clamoring) - Thank you.

- (explosive blast) - (grunts)

Shockwaves across America.

His surprise victory

defied preelection polling.

Tectonic-plate-shifting,

9.5 on the Richter scale earthquake.

So that's just a snapshot

of the reaction we're getting this morning.

And we're still trying to get

our good old pal Gary Zimmer to talk to us.

He's probably halfway to Canada by now.

Yeah, maybe halfway to Canadian Club.

I'd love to ask this guy what the hell he was thinking.

How did they blow this election?

- (Brzezinski chuckles) - Hey, guys, did you find the clip?

You got it? Okay.

This is our good friend Gary Zimmer,

grand old consigliere of the Clinton campaign,

not even a week ago on this program.

- (whooshing sound effect) - So, you're confident?

GARY (recorded): Oh, no question.

Hillary's made her case.

She is the most qualified presidential candidate,

certainly in my lifetime, maybe ever.

Donald Trump will not be president.

Well, he is doing well in the South,

so maybe he can be president of the Confederacy.

But Ohio, Michigan, Pennsylvania.

Mika, he's not winning Pennsylvania.

He's not winning Michigan.

That rust belt blue wall is impenetrable. It holds.

: I guarantee.

Well, you decided to spend

almost no time there campaigning.

Was that a Carville impression?

- (Brzezinski chuckles) - All right, so wait a minute.

- Tommy, try Gary again. - GARY (in room): Google, off.

Okay, we have Faith Brewster on the line...

Hey, Google, off.

Sorry. Power controls is not yet supported.

- (phone ringing) Phone lady, decline.

Try asking again in a different way. Ugh.

Hang up. Hey, Google, tell phone lady to hang up.

Sorry, I'm not sure how to help with that yet.

Off, off! Sorry, I'm still not sure about that.

Hey, Google, disengage.

Songs aren't available on SiriusXM. - Abort.

I'm not sure about that. - Everybody, shut up!

Try asking again in a different way. - (Gary grunts)

("Still the Same" by Bob Segerpl

So, if there is no further discussion,

can I get a motion to vote on Resolution 1217,

requiring a valid Wisconsin driver's license

or proof of U.S. citizenship to qualify

for any state or municipality program or benefit,

such as food stamps, welfare and so on and so forth.

So moved.

- Second? Second.

I have a second. It is time...

- Excuse me, fellas. - Jack, I already told you,

you can widen that easement on Hamburg...

Um, actually, it's about

that resolution you're thinking about passing.

With all due respect, Colonel, that discussion has ended.

Yeah, yeah. So I heard.

But, uh...

the thing is that, um...

it's a bad idea.

- Y-You can't... - Uh, okay, well,

I already seconded, but whatever.

I know we're in a bad spot, but...

you can't bring it back

by throwing these people under the bus.

Whoa, we're not throwing anybody under anything, Jack.

Money was tight

when the base was still open, but now...

I mean, we just got to be smart.

We got to eliminate cheating the programs.

There's not a damn soul using those programs

that doesn't need 'em, and you know it.

And all they need to do is produce the acceptable I.D.,

and the benefits will be...

And you know they can't do that.

Well... (sighs) I don't make the rules, Jack.

I mean, I do, I guess.

Not by myself, but... this is over.

Okay, we have a motion that has been seconded.

It is time to bring it to a vote.

Uh, you know, uh, just curious...

you know, when the river backed up

and the folks you think might be cheating

stood shoulder to shoulder with us

stuffing sandbags for three days straight,

ended up saving your store, you check their I.D.'s then?

Discussion's closed, Jack.

You checking I.D.'s when they're bringing food

- to the church potlucks, Walt? - (gavel slamming)

Enough, Jack.

You had your say.

Look, we got rules here,

but that don't make us bad people.

I'm not saying you're a bad person, Billy.

I'm saying you're scared.

Hell, we all are.

Damn town went from 15,000 to five overnight,

and business went with it.

We're not bringing it back by... by turning on each other.

Corps taught me the chain's

only as strong as its weakest link.

And Father Heuvel here

taught me that I am my brother's keeper.

Wait. Go back to that "weak link" part.

Whatever you do for the least of us, you do for the Lord.

Yeah, okay. Yeah. - (mouse clicking)

I mean, could this guy work?

Corps taught me the chain's

only as strong as its weakest link.

Hmm. Pretty good.

Mm-hmm. And Father Heuvel here

taught me that I am my brother's keeper.

Whatever you do for the least of us, you do for the Lord.

Looks conservative, sounds progressive.

Mm-hmm. The point is,

it's easy to be strong of character in the good times.

The test is the bad times.

If you can't live your principles then, well...

I guess they aren't principles; they're just hobbies.

Where is this again?

Wisconsin.

Deerlaken.

- Deerlaken. - Mm-hmm.

Gentlemen...

this square-jawed paragon of Americana

is our goddamn key back into the forbidden city.

- Well, that's my stop. (laughs) - Sit. Kurt, sit.

- Call me when he gets to the point. - Nope.

You're not going anywhere. No, sit.

And we have Alan to thank