Son of a Critch - First Season

We lived on the outskirts of town.

But as time marched on, the city drew ever closer,

and soon, the edges became the middle.

What a goin's on!

Hey, Mr. Mayor, you're standing in my blueberry bushes!

This is amazing!

Mike Critch, live in VOCM Valley

where an enormous crowd has gathered

to watch the ground-breaking ceremony

of St. John's' second drive-thru restaurant.

Wow, what an enormous crowd!

Is he talking about us?

Hm, should be your father holding the shovel.

What a load a' crap.

Ooh... Oh, hey, a coupon! Yes!

And now, some comments from VOCM's owner, Mr. Murphy,

on whose land the development will stand.

Today Newfoundland boldly steps into the future!

Busy highway drivers will no longer have to

get out of their cars to get something to eat.

What, can't get out of your car to eat?

What next, drive-thru toilets?

It's next door!

I'll practically be able to order from my bed!

The road goes right through our house!

It barely nudges it.

- What? - Nudges?

Oh, this is the best day of my life.

Oh, Mike! They are paving my berry-picking spot!

You're lucky he's not gonna knock the house down.

It's his land!

Don't worry, Mr. Murphy assures me

that there'll be no disruption whatsoever.

- All right!

- - Oh!

That year, everything was looking up.

Literally! To the sky.

This week will see the return of Halley's Comet.

It only passes the earth once every 75 years.

I was always fascinated with the stars,

both celestial and Hollywood.

Does anyone know what a perihelion is?

Well, it's the closest the comet will come to the sun.

It won't be this close again until 2061!

I'll be 87!

And you'll be dead, miss.

Thank you, Fox.

You're all going to write an essay

about Halley's Comet.

Who cares about space snots?

You know, some astronomers think

that the star of Bethlehem was a comet!

It most certainly was not!

I will not stand by while you indoctrinate these children

- into your religious heresy! - Sister, a scientific explanation...

A comet, children, did not predict the birth of Christ,

but it will predict the end of the world.

"The third angel sounded his trumpet,

and a great star, blazing like a torch,

fell from the sky...

And many people died."

Revelations 8:10.

This was not what they meant by

"when you wish upon a star."

For the past two weeks...

Our family library was limited.

... Outside the confederation building.

Comets.

Halley's Comet...

Listing under "H."

H, H...

Aw!

My folks got a new volume of the encyclopedia

free with their groceries,

but you had to start paying after "C."

Dad, can I buy a book at the book fair tomorrow?

What's wrong with the books we have?

Three encyclopedias and the Bible.

You can't have read all those.

Halley's Comet will be passing over Newfoundland this week

for the first time in 75 years.

I-I need to hear this!

... The most famous comet in history!

And it is characterized by...

Good God! Is that safe? Sparks might hit the roof.

Shh!

So head outside about three hours before sunrise

and you'll see Halley's Comet.

So keep looking up!

This was once in a lifetime.

I saw it the last time.

Big fuzzy snowball.

Garbage!

Twice for some.

A comet killed the dinosaurs, Pop!

Hm.

Well, you must be terrified, then.

Tempers flared today

at the nuclear disarmament summit.

Russian president Mikhail Gorbachev is demanding

a total ban on nuclear weapons in space,

but us President Ronald Reagan says

he will not back down on his "Star Wars" project.

A comet hitting the house,

that's the least of your worries.

That Yankee cowboy is gonna get us all blown up!

In an address to the nation,

Reagan had this to say.

So, here we sit, with thousands of nuclear warheads

targeted on each other,

and capable of wiping out both our countries.

Only one thing could take a grade-eight boy's

mind off the end of the world...

The scholastic book fair!

Once a year, a travelling book fair would show up

to trick us into paying to read!

There's a skateboard book! What are you getting?

Halley's Comet, with the free poster!

How about you, Fox?

Sweet Valley High? Baby-Sitters Club?

- Bruno and Boots? - I don't care.

Door's open!

It was every kid for themselves!

The boys fought over the hockey books...

While the girls raced to get Sweet Valley High,

leaving my path clear.

Just this. Thank you.

Got it!

Can you believe nobody else wanted this?

Yes.

That's mine!

Mine now!

Give it back!

You do realize you both live in the same house, right?

Pfft, yeah, not for long.

Frig off!

What...

- Got it! - Congrats!

Do I got something on belonged to you?

Where'd you get your ears pierced?

What's it to ya?

The guys I skateboard with have theirs pierced...

But my parents won't let me.

Even if you recover from the probable infection,

you'll never survive the inevitable fallout in the school yard.

An earring won't kill him, wuss.

You need to go find a book on Van Gogh.

I had other interests.

Halley's Comet was a thing of science,

not some harbinger of doom.

Fire!

Come on, we gotta go! Uh...

Okay, maybe a little doom.

- - Eight minutes!

Six minutes too long.

If this had been a real fire, you'd have all burned

like blasphemers in hell!

What did your brother mean, "not for long"?

Our poppy died.

Oh, God. I'm so sorry...

Don't care. I never knew him.

But he left my dad his house and now he wants us to move.

That's great! You hate living in the blocks.

His house is up in Cape Broyle, dumb-ass.

It's like... an hour away.

I won't see my mom.

Or you.

Back inside! Everyone!

Maybe the world really was ending.

Hm...

Ooh! Ooh, that's hot!

Let it cool!

Here.

Hey, it's been a while since you made blueberry muffins.

Well, these are the last muffins I'll ever make.

No blueberries for us.

Mom, come on. It's a drive-thru!

There are plenty of other places to pick blueberries.

It's the memories!

Some families went to Disneyland.

We went "up behind the house."

Haven't you got enough?

- - Mark!

Come put some sunscreen on my feet!

Mark! Yuck.

Come on!

We all hated it.

Aw!

We had such lovely times.

Well, almost all.

Come on, it'll be all right.

Nothing's gonna change.

Oh, sure!

- Back 'er up!

- Keep going! -

Oh! -

Whoa!

Wayne scored a goal.