The Middle

Of different things.

Now some people are afraid of spiders,

Some are afraid of flying,

Others death. But at our house...

I have to kick a ball!

Okay, the kickball unit in gym

Isn't one of your classic fears,

But in brick's case, it was justified. Well, we already said you had mono

During your lacrosse unit, and we played the swine flu card

To get you out of presidential fitness testing.

I think you're gonna have to face your fears

On this one, brick.

Everyone's gonna laugh at me... laugh at me.

Okay, buddy. Grab a ball. I'm gonna show you how it's done.

Um, mike, do you think that's such a good idea?

Maybe I should do it. All he's gotta do is raise his foot.

I saw a donkey do it on the news. How hard can it be?

Big, fat waste of time.

While mike was unwinding with a beer in the shower,

I was gonna teach brick to kick a ball

As only a mother can.

I got candy. Okay, brick? We're kicking for candy.

Ohh... All right, well,

You kicked your own leg by mistake.

I'm sorry.

Don't be sorry. It's all about timing.

Let me show you. Roll me the ball.

Whoo-hoo! Nice kick, mom.

Did you see that ball--

H.

That's that, then.

Oh, well.

You may wonder why we didn't get the ball.

Because there wano way

We were stepping foot in that yard.

Every neighborhood has one- you know,

A family that's just not worth tangling with.

Well, in our neighborhood, it was...

whoo! Yeah!

The glossners-- four unruly hooligans

Who'd held our street hostage for as long as I can remember.

Whatever hell they rained on you, you took it,

'cause retaliating only made it worse.

But as bad as those glossner boys were...

Hey! Hey, hey, hey, hey! You put--get--y-you--

It was the mom you really didn't want to mess with.

Is there a problem here?

Yeah, there's a problem.

That amazon scares the hell out of me.

No, no. We're good.

All right then.

Hey, uh, that's mine.

Really?

It was right here on the curb.

You own the whole outdoors, do you, princess?

No.

Of course not. I--

You have a nice day.

wow, that was quick.

Ball went into the glossners' yard.

Oh, well. What are you gonna do?

It's so lame around here. There's nothing on tv.

Thers nothing to do. Here's something. Take your brother out

And teach him how to kick this. Can't. Book report.

Well, then turn off the tv and get on it.

Fine, I'll teach him! Whatever. Get off me. God!

Sure you okay? the glossners' do g-- it's loose!

It tried to chase me home. I lost a shoe!

Oh, god! Now it has my scent.

Oh, no. The glossners' dog?

We should do something.

We really should.

For days, that dog was out terrorizing the neighborhood.

(dog barks and snarl

We should do something.

We really should.

We should do something.

We really should.

I hate those stupid glossners.

Why are we letting them run the neighborhood?

Can't you just go over there

And demand that they chain up that nasty dog?

No, honey, I can't. For better or for worse,

They're our neighbors, and once you start

Battling with neighbors, it never ends well--

Especially the glossners.

You know that house on the corner that burned down?

Oh, christmas tree fire? Mnh-mnh.

Trust me, it is better just to ep the peace.

Glossners.

We'd better go.

And then sue, whose sense of justice

Is inexplicably greater than her sense of fear,

Decided to take matters into her own hands.

I'm gonna talk to them.

Sue!

Um, excuse me.

I... Wanted to bring to your attention

That your dog I-is kind of running loose.

And it ate my shoe.

Who are you?

Sue.

Sue heck. I live down the street.

Anyway, you might want to chain up your dog.

What was that for? For being stupid.

You're stupid. You wanna do somethin' about it?

Okay. How about a fight?

Yeah. Yeah, we'll totally fight you.

After school, your house-- be there.

Oh, I'll be there.

I live there.

I have no after-school activities.

You're supposed to teach me kickball.

Yeah, not happening. Where is the extension cord?

How should I know? What are you losers doing?

Oh, none of your beeswax, axl.

Ouch.

Ugh. Can you even read that yawn-fest?

I love "moby dick." I read it last year.

It's an allegory.

If you say so. Hey!

I guess I could teach you

To kick a ball, but you gotta write

A 20-page report on "moby dick" for me. Okay.

And clean our room. When do we start?

ow!

That's pretty much it. So when you do my report,

Put in that allegory thing, whatever.

Teachers eat that stuff up.

I'm surprised you showed up.

I'm surprised you showed up. Good one.

Let's do this.

Ld on just one sec.

What are you doing?

We're fighting.

¶ oh, ho-ho, ho ¶

¶ oh, ho-ho, ho ¶

¶ oh, ho-ho, ho ¶

¶ everybody was kung fu fighting ¶

¶ huah! ¶ ¶ those cats were fast as lightning ¶

¶ hah! ¶ ¶ in fact, it was a little bit frightening ¶

¶ huah! ¶ ¶ but they did it with expert timing ¶

¶ hah! ¶ ¶ oh, yeah ¶

¶ oh, ho-ho, ho ¶

¶ hah! ¶

¶ oh, ho-ho, ho ¶

¶ hah! ¶

¶ oh, ho-ho, ho... ¶

The glossners stole our boom box.

oh, well.

We have too many possessions, anyway.

We're trying to simplify. I tried talking to them about their dog,

And then carly and I got into this fight with them.

Wait. You got into a fight?

Yeah, we had this whole routine planned and everything--

Routine? What do you mean, routine?

Yeah, well, we worked out some choreography and--

Hang on. Choreography? For a fight?

Yeah. That's what the boom box was for.

We played "kung fu fighting."

You do know what a fight is, don't ya?

Of course. And they didn't even

Let us get to the synchronized cartwheels.

We worked really hard on it, too.

Pfft!

Oh, my god.

You know, it's time to take a stand.

Here's what we're gonna do. I'm gonna write

An anonymous letter to the police,

Telling them about the dog.

Then I'll drive to lafayette under cloak of darkness

And mail it when nobody is looking

So the stamp can't be traced to us.

And I'll seal the envelope with a sponge,

So they can't I.D. Us by our saliva.

Or I could go over and talk to 'em.

That's crazy. We have a good life here, mike.

I don't want to move. I'm not gonna sit around

And let our daughter fight our fights.

What kind of example are we setting?

It's humiliating, even more than the...

You know, fighting to music.

Yeah?

Uh...

Hi. I'm, uh, mike heck, from down--down the street.

I wanted to talk to you about your boys.

What about 'em?

Do you wanna... Maybe put something on?

I can wait. It's a little bit chilly.

It's okay. I run hot. Look, my boys are good boys.

Really? Well, your sons challenged my daughter

To a fight and then they stole her boom box.

Why would there be a boom box if they was fighting? You know--I guess there was some choreography,

And--you know what? That's not the point.

The point is that my daughter simply asked them

To control their dog, and then--

Or... Maybe your girl's got a crush on my rodney.

And when he told her he didn't like her back,

She decided to get revenge.

Happens to us all the time. We're charismatic.