Ernest Goes to Camp

[Drumming and chanting continue]

[Drumming and chanting continue]

[Shouts in native language]

"Safety first"... that's my motto.

When one is doing dangerous work,

one must pay careful attention to the safety of one's body,

know what I mean?

Aah.

But one day, I'll be a camp counselor,

and I'll be running this place.

I'll be shaping and molding youthful minds

into a focused worldview.

Yep.

Ernest P. Worrell, camp counselor,

an extraordinary thing to witness.

Aah!

Ugh! Ugh!

Aah!

E-e-e-e-e-w.

Ah heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh.

Aaaaah!

Okay, off the bus! Off the bus!

Come on! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go!

Get a line. Get a line going.

Get a line going. Let's go.

Let's go. Move quick. Move it.

Let's go, gentlemen!

Let's go! Move it out!

Hey, fellas. Welcome to Kamp Kikakee.

I've got everything fixed up for you at the cabins,

know what I mean?

Well, look who's here, huh? Just like old times, huh?

Yeah. Remember all the fun we had last summer?

Hey, let's start things off right. What do you say?

Mm-hmm.

My ha...

My ha... my... ha...

my hand... hands!

You got a bad attitude, son.

Let's go! Let's go! Move it!

Let's go! Let's go!

Straighten up these lines. Come on. Let's go.

Men...

Welcome to another great summer here at Kamp Kikakee!

Right here on this very ground,

Indians once tested their young braves

and taught them the ways of the forest.

And right here, you'll be tested and taught, too,

just as they were hundreds of years ago...

swimming...

fire building, cooking, camping...

archery, wilderness survival.

For those of you who accept the challenge,

there'll be a ceremony of the blade... the stone...

and the arrow.

All right, guys... Let's go!

Man: Hup!

Hup!

Hup! Hup!

Hup! And up!

All right, hit the deck... push-ups.

Crank out 10.

Ready...

One!

Two!

Three!

Four!

Five!

Six!

Seven!

Nine...

Morning, Ernest.

Oh, hi, Miss St. Cloud.

Um...

The sun rides high...

in... its path... across the heavens.

Where... is the red...

chaise lounge?

Ernest, what I came down here for is...

You know, engineering your lifeguard stand

is an important business.

You have got to figure your angles just right.

Course, I won't always be fixin' things around here.

One day I will be a full-fledged counselor.

I have learned all the steps in the path of the brave,

I have memorized the handbook,

and I learned the Kikakee sign language.

If only they'd give a fella a chance.

I'm sure they will, Ernest.

Nuh-uh.

But the real reason I'm here

is to see if you've gotten all your shots.

Shots?

Yeah...

Okay.

How's that grandfather of yours nowadays?

I haven't seen him around lately.

Oh, he's out at his place.

I worry about him sometimes. He's so old.

But these woods are his home.

Yeah, he's a wise man.

Doesn't believe in modern things like... shots.

That's right.

He lives by the old ways.

In fact, he thinks I'm wasting time studying medicine.

Shouldn't you, uh, have a little more practice

before you go around stickin' needles in people?

I've had lots of practice.

If I keep doing it, I might even get good at it.

See? A... cold, wet nose. Color's good.

No fever.

Come on, now, Ernest.

You know this isn't going to hurt...

much.

I can take it, Miss St. Cloud.

Real men can take it, and I'm a real man...

a man with a hearty smile, a stout back...

with grit in his teeth and nails in his knuckles,

a man who has never tasted quiche...

Is that your smallest needle?

I did it!

I took the Lindbergh baby!

I am Josef Mengele!

Owwwwww!

Well, as you men know,

our camp's been selected by the governor's staff

to take part in his, uh, program for disadvantaged youngsters.

He calls it, uh, "Operation: Second Chance. "

Some camps have all the luck.

And I just got notification that the second-chancers are gonna be ready to be picked up today,

and I wanted you guys to be prepared for it.

Better hide your wallets.

Yeah, and get out your brass knuckles.

We're already short-handed. How are we gonna handle those delinquents?

Oh, they're not delinquents.

They're just boys from a bit rougher environment than most of us.

You mean underage criminals.

No, they're not.

They're all residents of the State Institute For Boys,

but they're not criminals.

Stennis, I'm gonna let you be their counselor.

Why do I get stuck with them?

Because you've got the most experience.

Besides, after you get to know those boys...

Oh, I'm not gonna take any crap off of them.

If they get out of line, I'm gonna knock 'em back in.

Ross, Ross... listen to me.

Just do the best you can.

If you can't handle it,

- We'll have no choice. We'll have to send them back.

Oh, I can handle 'em all right.

Yeah, a little discipline is probably just what they need.

Uh, Ernest, will you take the bus over

and get those second-chancers for me?

Aah!

Boy, I can't wait to get outta here.

Anyplace is better than this dump.

Shut up, you two.

Last warning...

you get out of line, and you don't go.

Ooh.

Man: All boys in Section 6,

report immediately to the exercise yard.