Santa Claus Conquers the Martians

[MUSIC - "HOORAY FOR SANTA CLAUS"]

NEWS ANCHOR (ON TV): At this time,

Station KID-TV brings you the special event of the year,

a first in television history.

At this very moment, KID-TV has standing

by a television crew at Santa Claus' workshop.

And in just a few seconds, our special correspondent,

Andy Henderson, will bring you a person to person interview

with Santa Claus himself, direct from the North Pole,

where at the moment, the temperature

is 91 degrees below zero.

And now KID-TV takes you via Telstar,

Andy Henderson at the North Pole.

ANDY HENDERSON : Hi, kids.

This is Andy Henderson at the North Pole.

Whoo, it's cold up here.

From this spot, there's only one direction you can go,

and that's south.

Living up here is pretty rough.

I don't see how Santa stands it.

Since we've been here, we've eaten nothing but frozen food.

At least, that's the way it is by the time we get it.

And now, let's take a looksee into Santa's workshop.

Hello again.

Boys and girls, it's just weeks before Christmas,

and Santa and his helpers are working overtime to make sure

that there's enough toys for the kids all over the world.

Santa's a pretty busy man, but I'm

sure he'd like to say a few words to you kids.

Hello, Santa.

SANTA CLAUS (ON TV): Oh, hello, son.

Oh, well, hello boys and girls.

Hey... oh, Andy, you caught me at a very busy time.

ANDY HENDERSON (ON TV): Well, uh, you

think you'll be ready by Christmas Eve?

SANTA CLAUS (ON TV): Well, we've never

disappointed the kids yet.

ANDY HENDERSON (ON TV): Tell me, is it true that this year,

there's a rumor that you're going to use a rocket sled?

SANTA CLAUS (ON TV): No sir-ee.

We're going out the good old fashioned way,

with my reindeer... Prancer and Dancer, and Donner and Blitzen,

and Vixen and Nixon... hey, Nixon?

Oh, where'd I get... Oh, I always... confound it.

I get those names mixed up.

But the kids know their names.

MRS. CLAUS (ON TV): Santa, there you are.

We have so much to do, and you stand here

dawdling, talking to this visitor.

SANTA CLAUS (ON TV): Mr. Anderson, this is Mrs. Claus.

Uh, well, dear, we're on television.

MRS. CLAUS (ON TV): How do you do, Mr. Anderson.

ANDY HENDERSON (ON TV): Ma'am.

MRS. CLAUS (ON TV): Now, I want you

to go and finish painting those hobby horses.

Television?

Did you say we're on television?

Oh, oh dear.

Oh, why didn't you tell me?

Oh, my hair's a mess.

Mm-mm... H-hello there.

Oh, oh!

SANTA CLAUS (ON TV): Come along, Mr. Anderson,

and I'll show you some of the new toys we're turning out.

How's it going, Winky?

WINKY (ON TV): Everything is A-OK, Santa.

SANTA CLAUS (ON TV): Good man.

Winky is in charge of our space department.

ANDY HENDERSON (ON TV): Ah.

SANTA CLAUS (ON TV): Oh, now here,

here is the latest toy rocket.

It runs on real rocket fuel.

ANDY HENDERSON (ON TV): Really?

I've been wondering, what is this strange little creature

over here?

SANTA CLAUS (ON TV): Oh, uh, Winky made that.

That's his idea of a Martian.

ANDY HENDERSON (ON TV): A Martian?

Wow-ee-wow, I'd hate to meet a creature

like that on a dark night.

SANTA CLAUS (ON TV): Oh-ho-ho.

ANDY HENDERSON (ON TV): I wonder if there

really are people on Mars.

SANTA CLAUS (ON TV): Well, who knows.

ANDY HENDERSON (ON TV): Well, if there

are, I hope they have someone like you up there, Santa,

to bring joy and good cheer to all the Martian children.

SANTA CLAUS (ON TV): Oh, Mr. Anders... Ho-ho-ho.

Well, keep going, Winky.

Christmas Eve is coming soon.

Now Mr. Anderson, I want to show you some more things.

Now you...

Dropo?

Dropo, you lazy, good-for-nothing,

where are you?

Dropo, Dropo, wake up.

Wake up.

Oh, please turn off that tickle ray.

Stand up.

Stand up.

Stand up.

Stand up.

I'm sorry, Ki... Kimar, sir.

Dropo, you are the laziest man on Mars.

Why are you sleeping during working hours?

I wasn't sleeping, Chief.

It's just that I haven't been able to sleep

these last few nights.

I forgot how.

So I was just practicing.

Well I suggest you practice doing your work.

Where's Lady Momar?

Oh, she went to the food pill center

to get some new food pills.

The children haven't been eating well.

No appetite at all.

Oh, it's no wonder.

They sit in front of the video set all day,

watching those ridiculous Earth programs.

It confuses them.

Where are they?

Oh, in there watching Earth programs.

ANDY HENDERSON (ON TV): Say, Santa, what have we here?

SANTA CLAUS (ON TV): These are new dolls.

Now, this little doll walks, talks, cries,

and she even sings.

ANDY HENDERSON (ON TV): Almost like a real, live little girl.

SANTA CLAUS (ON TV): That she is sir, that she is.

All she needs is tender loving care.

Bomar, what is a doll?

I don't know, Girmar.

What is tender loving care?

I don't know, either.

Bomar, Girmar, I told you not to watch

those silly Earth programs.

Now go to sleep.

Must we go to sleep now, Father?

I want to see Santa Claus some more.

I want to see more toys.

No.

Go to sleep.

Hello, Dropo.

I see you're keeping busy.

Oh, I've been working very hard, Lady Momar.

I've been vacuuming the room.

Good.

Is the master here?

Oh, he's in there.

And Kimar is very angry, too.

Kimar, I bought some new food pills.

I hope the children will eat these.

We have hamburger, buttered asparagus, mashed potatoes,

and a special treat for them, chocolate layer cake pills.

Momar, I'm worried about our children.

So am I. They've hardly eaten a thing in three days.

It goes deeper than that.

They're behaving strangely.

They appear to be troubled.

They don't care to sleep.

I had to use the sleep spray on them again.

I mentioned this to my council chiefs today,

and I learned it's the same with children all around the planet,

in every district.

Something is happening to the children of Mars.

Kimar, as the leader of the Martians,

you must do something about it.

I know, but what?

Why don't you go to the forest and see

Chochem, the ancient one.

He'll know what to do.

He's never failed you.

You speak wisely.

I will go.

Attention, council chiefs.

Please report.

COUNCIL CHIEF (ON INTERCOM): Lomas reporting.

COUNCIL CHIEF (ON INTERCOM): Rigna reporting.

COUNCIL CHIEF (ON INTERCOM): Hargo here.

Voldar?

Voldar, please report.

COUNCIL CHIEF (ON INTERCOM): Voldar reporting.

Gentlemen of the council, we will meet immediately

at Chochum's Chair in Thunder Forest.

COUNCIL CHIEF (ON INTERCOM): What's wrong now, Kimar?

I don't know, Voldar.

But I mean to find out.

Where's Kimar?

He should be here any moment.

What's this all about?

We'll find out when Kimar arrives.

We are probably going to seek the advice of Chochum.

What does Kimar think we are, a kindergarten class?

Can't we make our own decisions?

Must we always come crawling to that old man?

Chochum is 800 years old.

You can't dismiss the wisdom of centuries.

I can.

Gentlemen.

Thank you for coming.

Chochum?