Pauly Shore Is Dead

- I don't know what the fuck happened, okay?

Things just got fucked up, alright

and no one will fucking call me, and I'm a big joke

and the critics.

- Pauly, you don't know what you're talking about.

You're great, the people love you.

You have a following.

"Bio-Dome" was a great movie.

Did you see "Jury Duty?"

No.

Neither did anyone else.

Did you see "Hot Shots?"

God, I love that movie.

Yeah, it was pretty good, wasn't it?

My point is, Pauly, is that we've all had our flops.

Some more than others.

But it'll turn around.

Well how'd you do it?

Talent.

Good genes.

I didn't come up with some weird animal noise.

That's not the point, okay!

It's--

Look, I gotta get back to the set.

Is there a part in there for me?

Charlie, is there a part in your movie for me?

Look, I'll talk to the director.

I'll see what I can do.

I'll tell him you're available.

I'll tell him you're available.

Not for long.

Oh, okay.

Pablo.

Pablo?

Topping the news this evening,

actor, comedian Pauly Shore was found dead

in a loft in his mother's west Hollywood Hills home.

Pauly, best known as The Weasel, started his career on MTV.

Went on to start in such movies as "Encino Man,"

"Jury Duty," and "Son in Law."

Autopsy reports will be ready in just a few days.

Many say he was a genius who died before his time.

Genius?

Genius of what?

- We go to the streets now to get the public's reaction.

- You know, he tried to sleep with me once,

and tape it.

Me too.

Did you do it?

Pauly Shore, dead at the age of 29.

The kid wasn't fucking wired right.

Any fucking jackass could've seen that.

- The Hollywood community is mourning

the death of beloved genius, Pauly Shore.

An erect penis!

That's what would appear to be underneath the sheet.

A strange turn of events here--

- I guess it's true what they say when you die.

You're a lot more loved.

That's probably why I did it.

I was so sick of people coming up to me every day

and asking me what my next movie was.

How was I supposed to explain to my fans

that my shit was tired, and that I pigeonholed myself

as The Weasel.

They don't understand how Hollywood works.

Lenny Bruce, John Belushi, and Sam Kinison

all went down as comedic geniuses who died

before their time.

And now me, Pauly Shore.

Look, before the media blows it out of proportion,

before Access Hollywood and Jerry Springer

get a hold of it, let me tell you the truth

about how I got here.

I was born and raised in Hollywood, California.

My dad's a comedian, and my mom owns a comedy club.

And my mom didn't own just any comedy club,

she owned the world famous Comedy Store on the Sunset Strip.

The Comedy Store was like the Emerald City for comedians.

Everyone started out there.

Everyone.

And I remember one time my mom even had Sam Kinison

babysit for me.

yeah, thanks mom.

I guess Charles Manson was out of your price range.

And the best part about my mom, though?

She's been partying her whole life,

which was great for me, 'cause I was the first

baby born with the munchies.

Dude, you forgot to flush, man.

Be cool. - I did.

I'm flushing now, man.

Nah, my name's not The Weasel.

My name's Paul Montgomery Shore, PMS.

I was just like most kids.

I was in Little League, I had braces.

I even modeled.

I went to Beverly Hills High School,

and I wasn't on the football team.

I was in the Dance Company.

And after I graduated, I took my acting very seriously.

And then it finally happened.

One night in the spring of '89.

My manager got me an audition for MTV at mom's club.

And finally, I became The Weasel.

Ooh!

Cool, buddy .

My MTV show lead to movies, HBO specials,

strippers, and porno stars.

Whoa!

Yeah, I was living the American Dream.

And then one day, my so called glamorous life

came to a screeching halt.

I got the most devastating news ever.

No, not genitals warts.

Worse.

I got a sitcom on Fox.

After that, everything else got kind of blurry.

- Pauly, where'd you get all that cash?

- I found some loose change in the sofa.

That is one of the perks about

being your best friend.

All that trickle-down cashe.

- We have to hurry home, 'cause my dad's got a big

surprise waiting for me.

Alright, alright.

Wow, check out those girls.

They're scoping us out.

You must be Pauly.

You must be my dad's big surprise.

What!?

It's a good thing we're below sea level.

Down periscope!

Oh, honey you gotta get in here.

You gotta see this shit.

This is the worst fucking show I've ever seen.

Now Don is Carol.

Oh, well wait, wait, wait.

I want to be Jan.

So I can sleep in the same room with Marsha.

Marsha, Marsha, Marsha.

Why does she get everything?

Oh my God, I hate this fucking country.

- Dude, I have bras that work harder than you.

- Yeah, well your bras may be working, but it looks

like your panties took the day off.

Ha, yo!

This nigga Pauly is fucking crazy, man.

You father listens to me, you know.

I have his ear.

- That's not the only thing you have of his.

- You ever seen Pauly and then you see Pauly on weed.

Oh my God.

Wow, that's a pretty nice rock.

Thanks, it's a four caret, emerald cut,

blue eyed diamond.

Yeah, my mom's was bigger.

Well that's it, you guys.

Oh...

Speech, speech.

Speech?

Yeah.

Speech?

Yeah.

Okay.

Oh man.

Well first of all, I want to thank you guys for being here.

That means a lot to me.

I got to thank my manager, Mitch, and my agent, David,

for packaging this show.

I want to thank my girlfriend, Zoey, for her patience

and understanding during my hectic work schedule.

I love you, princess.

Tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet.

Tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet.

I'd also like to thank my best friend, Kirk,

who was always there for me when I was doubting

the show's premise.

Playing a spoiled rich kid from Brentwood.

I mean how perfect is that for me?

It's awesome.

To our, new, sitcom!

Woo! - The last time I saw

a steaming piece of shit that big,

I was standing outside the elephant compound

at the fucking zoo.

- Yeah, I can't believe the network didn't pull it

after the first commercial break.

I swear, I swear I'm gonna puke.

You got some Tums or something?

- I only a few more minutes left, and then I'll meet

you guys at the club.

Well tell Dormin you're coming.

Don't be late.

I won't.

I thought Pauly's show was funny.

Oh yeah, it was...

It was hysterical.

So what's your name?

Ashley, what's yours?