Fall Guy (蒲田行進曲)

Fall Guy

A movie studio can be a strange and bizarre world.

It can turn false love into the real item.

Of course, it can easily change day into night as well.

Good morning.

Okay! This is it!

Ready!

Action!

The Imperial Guard is fighting the ronin samurai!

Stop it!

Who do you think I am? I am Ryoma Sakamoto!

Hick samurai like you could never kill me!

You idiot! Don't you realize

that if I die, Japan will belong to England?

Is that what you want?

Samurai, sir-

Nice-looking girl.

Do you know how to kiss?

Kissing feels real good.

You bastard!

You still want to fight, you dogs of the shogunate?

Tachibana's getting another close-up.

And he's even kissing the new girl.

- How many close-ups does that make? - Ten.

- And for me? - Only seven.

Damn it!

He must have bribed the director.

- Well? - Okay.

Bring us down.

Sakamoto's duel with Hijikata is next.

Mr. Tachibana has a TV show. He can only stay 10 more minutes.

I know!

Sorry to keep you waiting.

Hurry it up!

He made me wait and now he says to hurry?

You're in the scene with me next, right?

Listen.

But the director won't -

Idiot!

It's my movie. He can't have more close-ups than me.

We don't have much time. Let's do it!

Tachibana and Gin-chan, do it like we rehearsed.

Filming!

Ready!

Action!

Wait a minute.

What's all this fuss?

You! From the Imperial Guard?

That's right.

Imperial Guard?

That's right.

Indeed!

You're overacting.

- Get in there! - But this is his moment!

Get in there, you idiot!

You're the famous Imperial Guard?

Yes, indeed. I'm Toshizo Hijikata,

second-in-command of the Imperial Guard.

Sakamoto!

If I were you, I wouldn't push my luck here in the capital of Japan.

Or shall I kill you

to halt the arrival of a new era called Meiji?

That bastard! He's hogging the shot!

Sakamoto, I demand your answer!

What's going on?

Need to change film.

But I'm absorbed in my acting!

Don't be so cheap with the film! You call yourself a Toei cameraman?

We need more film because your crappy acting is taking too long!

What did you say?

Quiet!

Director.

Time's up. I'm going.

- We aren't through yet. - I know.

I'll arrange my schedule.

I don't want to be in the same shot with that guy. Bye.

I need a shot of you in pursuit!

You going to let him talk like that?

Forget it. This way I can get more close-ups.

But I'll have to have a talk with the director.

Director.

Will you tell us the truth?

Who's the star of this movie, him or me?

You, of course.

Then why is the set only half finished?

Rumor has it the final staircase scene has been cut.

Tell me that's not true.

It's been cut.

Why? It's my big final scene!

I fight off a samurai and kick him down the stairs.

- It's my best scene. - The studio cut it.

So the studio doesn't want to be held responsible.

But people will be saying we couldn't pull it off.

The police are nosey, too.

Of course they want to stop us. A man could die.

But we need the scene to make a good picture.

Without that scene, the movie will flop. Isn't that right?

It sure won't sell.

I wouldn't want to see a film like that.

Well, what gets me is that

without this scene, Tachibana gets more screen time.

It's already hard to tell who's the star.

It's my movie!

It's my movie! I'm the director!

Now, now.

Let's just call it our movie. So let's do the staircase scene.

I want to do it, too.

Why do you think I had this massive staircase built?

But nobody will take the fall.

The stuntman from Tokyo got cold feet and took off.

Do you know anyone, Gin-chan?

Somebody willing to take a fall from up here

who wouldn't mind breaking his back for us?

A movie freak who'll give his life to entertain the audience.

Know of anyone like that, Gin-chan?

I thought a big star would have a few lackeys here and there.

You guys?

Of course no one's going to do it.

These are bad times to make movies.

Everything's about respecting life and rejecting violence.

Hey,

set designers, what do you suggest?

I know you built these stairs.

How about a third of the size?

A smaller staircase suited to a more peaceful Japan?

Bastards! Idiots!

Mr. Kuraoka.

May I have your autograph?

I'm a big fan.

Sure.

Some paper.

No, not on paper.

Will you come with me?

Write it here.

Here you go.

I love it!

Really?

- What's your name? - Tomoko.

A lovely name.

Thank you so much.

Not at all.

Nice, huh?

It's refreshing to meet such an innocent girl.

- She's exactly my type. - Absolutely.

Did you get her phone number?

You idiots! Yasu, run!

Make it look like it was your idea, okay?

I'll give up my past ways.

Wait!

- Listen! - What're you doing, you stupid idiot!

Way to go!

Let's go have a drink to celebrate!

People sure seem to envy me!

Yeah, you're great. Your fashion sense is unbeatable.

That's right.

Where's the enthusiasm?

Hey, Makoto. Change places with me.

- But you don't have a license. - Idiot! This is a Cadillac!

You don't need a license for a Cadillac!

- Careful! - The police!

What are you doing?

You want us to haul you in?

We've done nothing wrong, Officer. We'll just be on our way.

I'm not popular anymore. My star is fading.

I've been here nearly an hour,

but nobody's asked me for my autograph.

Can you believe it?

Can you believe it?

- Gin-chan! - Shut up!

What's the name of this bar where I, Ginshiro Kuraoka, am drinking?

Shishido.

That's no answer!

I'm the famous Ginshiro Kuraoka.

I, Ginshiro Kuraoka, am drinking here. So what do you call this place?

Answer or I'll burn it down!

I'm sorry! He's drunk!

Where do you think you get the money to eat and drink?

I know you guys take money from me and bet on the horses!

- No, we don't. - Tome does.

You bastard!

Why are you so angry?

Want me to go and kill someone?

The director? Tachibana? I'll go kill them!

Don't you realize how we feel?

We're always ready to do anything for you.

We're here.

- Look, Gin-chan. You're home. - Careful now.

- You okay? - I don't understand him.

I'll take care of him.

Be careful with him.

Put out the light.

Are you Konatsu?

Put it out. Please.

You're always with Gin-chan, right?

Has he told you about me?

Yes. I mean, no.

Hasn't he told you

about a washed-up actress who follows him around,

pestering him?

No.