Joey

- Hey, Bobbie. - Oh, there's my star.

Here's the schedule and the VIP passes for your big movie premiere tonight.

- You excited? - Are you kidding me?

I am so worked up about this. Today I woke up at noon.

- So you're coming tonight, right? - Oh, absolutely.

And I even got a gorgeous new dress for the occasion.

Look, it's a Dolce & Gabbana.

And it costs more than what Gina makes in a year.

- Do you think she heard that? - Yeah, I heard it.

Good.

Oh, I've been on this horrible liquid diet all week...

...just so I can fit into that thing.

You haven't had anything solid to eat in a week?

Basically.

Although, I do allow myself one cookie per day.

It's the only way I can get through this thing.

Oh, if those little Girl Scouts knew the things I'm about to do to you.

- Who're you bringing to the premiere? - I'm bringing my family, my friend, Alex.

And my dad's coming out for it.

- What a good son. - Yeah, and I'm flying him out first class.

The ticket cost more than Gina makes in a month.

It's not funny, I don't even get benefits.

Oh, I am so excited for you. Tonight is gonna be a great night.

Oh, thanks, Bobbie.

No! No, no, spit that out!

No. Spit it out.

Fine. What are you even gonna do with that?

I'm gonna have to ask you to leave the room.

- Hey, Joey. - Hey.

- I spoke to Dean earlier... - Good old Dean.

He's been sending me presents while traveling...

...and I haven't gotten any of them.

Has anything been delivered here by mistake?

I was wondering why Dean sent me chocolates and flowers...

...and that skimpy silk robe. I'll go get it for you.

By the way, the robe came stretched out with Buffalo wing sauce on it.

Alex, this is my dad, Joey Tribbiani Sr. Dad, this is my friend Alex.

- Hi, Mr. Tribbiani. - Hey, how are you?

- Did you have a good trip? - Oh, it was great...

...especially the ride home with my beautiful Gina.

We passed a truck full of day laborers making hand gestures at her.

The things they wanted to do to my daughter.

And she passed on the family good looks to this one.

- I bet you make the girls crazy. - They do tend to get agitated around me.

Yeah, I couldn't sleep on the plane waiting to see these two.

You must be so proud of Joey and all the things happening in his career.

Career? A career is a policeman or a plumber...

...not starring in Vampire Lust Three wearing full body makeup...

...or faking intercourse in a castle.

Come on, Grandpa. You'll be staying in my room, okay?

Hey, what's wrong with your dad? Does he got a problem with Joey?

I don't know what's going on.

Every time Joey's name comes up he gets all grumpy.

Well, that's not right. This is a huge night for Joey.

He flew him out here.

It's just like my mom when I graduated from law school.

- Three seconds. - What?

Three seconds before you made it about you.

Well, I'm sorry, but I feel bad for Joey. Your dad should be really proud of him.

It's not that bad. Joey doesn't even realize my dad's being this way.

How? It's so obvious.

None of us point it out to him. Joey hears what he wants to hear.

Oh, boy, so where is Mr. Big Shot? Doesn't he know I'm here?

Dad, Joey is not a big shot.

He's still the same regular guy he always was.

All right, Alex, here's all your stuff...

Hey, Dad's here.

- Good to see you. You look good. - Yeah, you too.

Hey, check this out. VIP passes for the premiere tonight.

- It's all access and it'll be a nice memento. - Just what I wanted.

My dream has come true.

I get to wear matching necklaces with my son.

I know.

What do you wanna do? Michael and I were gonna go to Sunset Boulevard.

They put up a huge billboard with my face on it.

- You wanna go check it out? - I think what I wanna do is take a nap.

He gets so excited, it wears him out.

No, actually I'm just tired.

Tired of being so proud of me. Sleep well, proud dad.

How cool is this? I'm gigantic.

The movie's rated R. For language, violence...

...and strong sexual content.

Guilty.

- Joey Tribbiani. - Carmen Electra? Oh, my God.

Hey. Wow, how've you been?

- I haven't seen you... - Since your dressing room?

When you became the first man to ever turn me down.

Yeah, if I could go back in history and change one thing...

...that is what it would be.

- Really? You wouldn't have... - Nope. Whatever you say, not interested.

You know, we should get together, make up for lost time.

- What about tonight, are you free? - I can't tonight.

- I got the premiere of my movie. - Maybe you could come over after.

- We were actually... - Go.

Okay, I will be there.

Is that you on that billboard up there?

- Yeah. - That's so cool.

Our billboards are gonna be next to each other.

- You have one too? - Yeah, I'm here doing this unveiling thing.

- Carmen, it's time. - All right, I'll see you later.

Come on, come on.

Oh, my God. She's practically naked.

What is she even selling?

Because I really wanna give someone money for this.

This is a disaster. No one's even gonna look at my billboard.

Come on, Michael, we're leaving.

Are we in the car yet?

- Hello? - Hey, Bobbie, it's me.

Joey, hang on a sec.

I'm starving and I'm making Gina eat for me...

...and she's doing it all wrong.

Come on, savor it.

Bobbie, listen, have you seen the billboard?

Of course. The whole town is talking about it.

I mean, how hot does Carmen Electra look?

No, my billboard. It's right next to hers.

How did I miss it?

I was driving down Sunset, staring at Carmen.

And I realized I'd driven up on the sidewalk.

And then I hit something and I sure hope it was a mannequin...

...because it split in half.

Thanks a lot, Bobbie. Good talk.

Hey, Joey, I couldn't help but overhear about your billboard.

- Don't worry, I'm on the case. - What are you gonna do?

I'm gonna organize a protest and get her billboard taken down.

When I put my mind to something, it gets done.

I'm the one who got the "No Speedos in the hot tub" rule repealed.

With help from the two Danish gentlemen in apartment nine.

See you.

- Hey, what are you guys doing? - Your dad is fixing the garbage disposal.

I made it clear he didn't need to.

And he made it clear to me that he still treats women like it's the 1950s.

Hey, how about a nice smile, toots?

Come on, you gotta get ready. We don't wanna be late.

Hey, I'm doing a job here.

Do you take a break in your job playing make believe?

No, we don't have to. There's so much time sitting around, doing nothing. It's crazy.

Give me that.

My dad's a character, huh?

What? What's that look for?

I don't know. It's just your dad, he...

What did he do? Did he make a pass at you?

No.

I get it. You're insulted he didn't make a pass.

All right, well if you want him to, just throw on a geisha outfit.

He's got this whole Asian thing, I don't know.

No, Joey, it's not that.

- Then what is it? - Well, it's none of my business.

But I don't really like the way he treats you.

- What do you mean? - You're doing this nice thing.

You flew him out here, and he just doesn't seem very excited or supportive.

But that's Dad. He has a problem expressing himself.

Okay? But he is my number-one fan.

Every time I'm on TV, I call home and ask him, "Did you like it?"

And he says, "Let me get your mother. "

Then she gets on, tells me he loved it.

She said he's never been more excited than he is for tonight.

Hey, how long's this movie anyway?

I need time to get home and have a beer before Leno .

It helps me get the jokes.

We'll be back in time. Dad, let me ask you a question.

What's your favorite episode of Deep Powder?

The one that was just on. You actually were good in that one.

The one that was just on?

They killed my character months ago. How could you not know that?

I don't wanna talk about this. I'm gonna be late for the thing.

Whoa, hey, hold on. Let me just ask you one more question.

You gotta know the answer to this.

What was my character's name on Days of Our Lives?

I'll get your mother on the phone.