Baby Daddy

And I got some tea here.

Now, Emma, I know this isn't the first time

you and I have had breakfast while waiting for your dad

to come home from a hook-up.

But if all goes well with him and Zoey, will you promise me

you'll still make time for your Uncle Tucker?

Yes.

Sure, don't tell me about your boyfriend,

and I won't tell you anything. No, let's never tell anybody anything.

Ben, what are you doing?

Aren't you supposed to be upstairs with Zoey?

And if you're not at Zoey's, why am I babysitting your kid?

Hold that thought.

Ben, hey. Can we talk?

Absolutely. Hey, quick question:

In the last 48 hours,

did you happen to get back together with your kid's dad,

a guy I've never even heard of?

Yes, but if I could just explain it...

You catch that? 'Cause I can call her back

and slam the door in her face again.

I'm good.

You good?

Yes.

We good.

Baby Daddy - 05x11 - Trial by Liar

Riley, can we please just talk?

Talk? Or make excuses?

Because I'm pretty sure I've heard everything.

Guys? Can you just hold on for two more floors?

It was an awkward night,

followed by a very awkward bus ride,

followed by an even more awkward cab ride,

so if you could just keep it together until...

Oh, thank God.

Babe, come on, please just talk to me!

I mean, we're home now,

so let's go inside and sort all this out.

Actually, I'm home.

Not sure where you live anymore.

Oh, maybe Sam will let you

sleep with her again.

I'll bet sometimes you wish

you were adopted, huh?

I can't find my toothbrush!

I can't find my conditioner!

Riley and I had a fight.

I don't want to talk about it.

I will be in my room.

Uh, remember how you couldn't find your toothbrush?

You're not gonna find your room, either.

Sam lives here.

The good news is,

your mom's in another country,

so you could just stay there.

Actually, that's great news for all of us.

One, two, three, four,

Bonnie's back with gifts galore.

Five, six, seven, eight...

Peru sucked.

Brad wasn't there, so I came home.

Well, go back.

Okay? Keep looking. It's a big country.

Oh, I found him...

in the Dallas airport.

We rekindled our romance in the handicapped stall.

Thank God for all those handles.

Hey, how was the Hamptons?

Here! Thought I'd save you the trip.

You're probably too weak from lying!

Riley! Please! Come on!

I feel like I've missed something.

Dude, what is wrong with me?

Can't believe I picked Zoey,

the girl I met three months ago,

over Sam, the girl I've been obsessed with

since high school

who crawled naked into my bed.

Naked girl in... my bed!

You know, you could've let Sam down after you got down, right?

I know! Trust me, I know.

I didn't listen to you, and I'm sorry.

When did I become the dumpee?

I used to be the dump-er.

The jerk.

I wanna be the jerk again.

We all do, man. We all do.

Wait a minute.

Nobody knows what a complete and total idiot you were.

You have the opportunity to rewrite your story

and become the dump-er.

But Zoey lives in the building.

She'll tell everyone the truth.

Ah. But you're forgetting, my friend...

you are holding one very powerful card.

I delivered your baby!

And I'll be grateful for that forever,

but I'm not gonna pretend to be a couple

just to protect your pride.

If he had any pride, do you think he'd be standing here right now?

I think not.

Look, Ben, I'm sorry.

Aaron and I broke up while I was pregnant,

but then he got deployed,

and I figured that it was over forever.

But now he's back, and we're gonna try and make it work.

Well, I'm guessing that Aaron doesn't have a clue

that I exist and might be a little surprised

to hear that just days ago,

you were kissing me in my shower.

Wow! It really feels like you're blackmailing me right now.

See? She gets it.

Look, all you gotta do is pretend we're in love

until I dump you.

A little PDA, and I'll be on my way.

Really? You don't find this pathetic at all?

You'd be surprised what I don't find pathetic.

And when Riley asked me if I ever had feelings for Sam,

I said no, because I never had feelings for her.

I mean, you're the one who taught me

that you don't need feelings to have sex with someone.

And that's what you chose to listen to?

What should I do?

Listen, honey. You're Danny and Riley.

You're meant to be together.

I'm sure she'll come around,

it'll just take some time.

And until then I will be right here by your side, okay?

Thanks, Mom. I really appreciate it.

Is it cool if I crash with you for a bit?

Or we could be proactive!

You know what heals wounds faster than time?

Apologies, and lots of 'em. Sincere, insincere... it doesn't really matter!

I will help you figure out whatever crap

you need to say to get her back!

Hey, what's going on?

You wanna know what's going on?

I will tell you what's going on.

Now would be great.

Danny slept with Sam.

What? Last night, how could he?

No, not last night. In high school.

Oh.

Oh?

All you can say is "Oh"?

You should be furious.

Annoyed, maybe. Furious?

Furious was when I found out

that you were dumping me for my brother.

Okay, okay, okay.

You're totally missing the point here.

Hey, babe.

Hey, there's my girl.

I professed my love for her, and she professed it back.

She even cried. Isn't that right?

I sure did.

Okay, so, just a little public display for my co-workers,

and you'll never have to see me again.

And if we're so in love, then why are we breaking up?

You're too clingy, or I met someone hotter.

Actually, I haven't decided.

Hey, Tucker.

Oh, hey, hey everybody, look!

Look, it's Ben and his new girlfriend, Zoey.

Where the hell is everybody?

I don't know. Sam's on break, Carter called in sick.

Oh, yeah, I'm supposed to be working.

Ooh! Look, there's someone I give a crap about, come on.

Hey... you know that guy?

Yeah. That's Ben. He owns this place,

and that's his girlfriend Zoey.

Oh, really.

Yeah. Really.

Who are you, Nosey Nancy?

The father of her child.

Uh-oh.

That ain't good.

Oh, yeah. Apparently, she's been in love with me

since the moment she set eyes on me.

Took me a little while to come around, but here I am.

Hey.

- Aaron? - What the hell is going on?

I thought we talked through everything.

No, Aaron, please let me explain, Ben was just...

Hey, why don't we discuss this outside?

Outside seems like a great option.

Oh, there's no need to go outside.

- Let's go. - No, I swear, I didn't...

I'm just saying, man, Zoey's jealous ex punching you out

really helps your story.

This could not be going any better.

I'm in jail.

This could be going better!

I should've just told people the truth.

Well, I'd like to know the truth.

Yeah, well, you ain't gonna get it,

so just sit your ass back down, jailbird.

Tucker! Don't tease the Marine.

Get me outta here, man.

Thank you for your service.