Resident Alien

Previously on "Resident Alien"...

I have not told you anything.

You are nothing to the Greys.

I do not think they will let you live.

The Greys will harness the intense power of the caldera.

But I do not know why they are doing it.

They cannot live long in Earth's gravity.

At least let me remember this time.

Peter trusted me.

If Peter trusted you,

he would have given you the key.

Who better to fight aliens

than someone who can see aliens?

You're a Blue Avian.

Can I change?

I see Heather.

I know what this is.

My knees are weak, and my palms are sweating.

I am in love.

The ball appears to be organic.

It can only be controlled by the Earth alien Harry.

Bring him to us.

Ooh, look!

The dumb humans look like ants.

You look so stupid on your legs with no wings

on the dumb ground!

Our life is better than yours in every way!

- Attraction is simple physics.

All objects with mass are drawn to each other

till they meet and there is a release.

Heather and I have become very close,

so the pull I feel toward her is strong.

- This is a new shop. - Ooh.

No. Harry, no.

- Hey, hey, hey, hey! Come on, come on!

What are you doing?

- The male bird of paradise puffs out his chest

and performs an elaborate dance

to attract a female mate.

- I have felt the pull before, but not like this.

All I want is to be with her.

I do not even mind that she never showers

and instead just splashes around in a kiddie pool.

Hey, Dad, have you seen Harry?

I haven't been able to reach him.

Not in a couple days.

But it's been a good thing.

I get to sell my pies instead of turning around

and noticing one of them is gone.

You expecting Jay's mom?

So she asked if she could stay with me for a while.

I didn't say yes.

I would never cross that line without talking to you

after that first time I crossed the line

without talking to you. - These are her medications.

one for stomach, one for help concentrating,

and this is her retainer that she never remembers

to wear at night. - So then--

She already asked me. Yeah.

No, sorry, she told me.

I'm sorry. Are things bad with you two?

No.

Right now, she's just mad because

I told her she can't blow off college to explore the world.

Which I totally backed you up on.

You know Jay.

She's got this new girlfriend now,

and it's all about that. - Yeah.

You want to go see Europe with your girlfriend? Great.

You can go do that after you get a degree.

Meanwhile, I'd rather see her with you

while waiting for acceptance letters

than in some hostel in Amsterdam.

That is, if you're OK with it.

I--

I'm happy to take her. Not take her.

Not take her.

I-- bad choice of words. I--

I'm happy she has you.

Don't let her borrow your phone charger,

or you'll never see it again.

Noted.

There you are. Where were you?

Asta, I am in love, and it makes me want to dance.

My God, but it didn't teach you how.

Ooh! !

Ellen.

Did you do something with your hair?

It looks nice.

You might want to check him for a head injury.

Thank you.

I have been trying to reach you for three days.

I have been with Heather...

Having so much intercourse.

It is exciting to find new places to have sex.

You should lock your car doors, by the way.

We have a problem.

Mike and Liv have been searching

the Alien Tracker's van and--

wait, did have sex in my car?

No.

Yes, it was good!

But we only did it in the back seat out of respect.

OK, later we will talk about boundaries.

But first, you were the last person to use

the Alien Tracker's van.

If Mike and Liv find your DNA,

they'll know that you were with him before he died.

That's impossible.

I used over 40 wet wipes from a barbecue restaurant

on that van and five on myself. They will find nothing.

Also, where is this van? And is it locked?

You're not having sex in the van.

Not if I don't know where it is.

Did you clean all of it?

I think I know how to clean a car.

Also, I just-- I just remembered,

I forgot to clean your car. - Gross!

You're so stressed out.

You should chill, girl.

You should be more like Heather.

OK, I am stressed out because the end of the world

might be happening, but actually,

I'm really happy that you're happy.

- I am happy. - Well, good.

But life is about balance.

So you can have a girlfriend and work on the mission.

Fine.

I will go visit the sheriff and the deputy

and then make sure that they know nothing.

Thank you.

You should invite Heather and me to dinner.

You will like her.

OK. I can do that.

And make a lot of food.

Whoever said "eats like a bird"

never took a bird to sushi.

God, really? Here?

No.

Look like some kind of chemical formula, right?

What for, I have no idea. But whatever it is--

It's important enough to kill over.

Damn, Deputy, I was gonna say that.

I done waited my whole career to be able

to say that something was important enough to kill over,

and I set myself up, and you just jump in.

I'm sorry. I didn't know.

You could say something else like,

"Whatever it is, it's a recipe for death."

See? That's even better.

And I can't say that now

because you just said that too.

This is a nightmare.

Knock, knock.

Dr. Vanderspeigle.

What, you done stopped by to ruin my day too?

No.

I just came by to see how old

Deputy Mustache's pinworm medication

was working and decided to visit my old friends.

I don't think you're allowed to tell us

about Fred's medication.

You caught me.

Now you have to tell me a secret about your job.

Are there any fun crimes that you can share?

Well, Miss Kim's cat flushed her dentures down the toilet.

Is that fun enough for you?

Picturing a cat with dentures.

It's very fun.

- Her dentures, not the cat's. - Then no.

It has been two minutes, and they have not arrested me yet.

I am safe.

Hey, Doc, you must know chemistry.

You recognize this formula?

- Where did you get this? - Why? What is it?

It is a compound with an alien element.

A Grey element.

Sugar. Sugar. - Sugar?

It seems kind of long for sugar.

Well, it is a special sugar,

the kind that they used to make the chocolate sauce

that traps ice cream in a hard shell,

you know, that keeps the ice cream

from dripping on your hand, and you knock on the shell

and say, "Ice cream, are you in there?"

Because you do not know. - He's joking.

- Sir, he's making a joke. - OK.

Yes.

Making a joke and definitely not memorizing

this formula with my eyes.

I lied.

I am memorizing it because this formula

may be the key to understanding the Greys' plan.

And now I want ice cream.

Why are we supporting this?

Harry can't date that bird. He should be saving the Earth.

Well, he can do both.

And Heather's portal is fixed,

so she should be leaving soon anyway.

Just let him have some fun.