Ghosts

-I'm sorry, what are we... -(others shushing)

Don't talk while we're waiting for the gurgle.

It's very rude.

: Sorry.

Will it definitely be today?

No.

-(gurgles) -(all exclaiming, laughing)

I heard it. I heard the gurgle.

Oh, wow.

What does she mean, she doesn't want it?

Are you sure you don't want

to keep the car, Abby?

Trevor's just having a little trouble wrapping his head around

anyone turning down a free Porsche.

It's a very kind gesture. I just, um...

The car is a little bit, uh...

-Douchey? -Exactly.

Douchey? The founder of Hooters drove one of these.

It is pure class.

I can't get over the fact that a ghost has Porsche money.

We're barely scraping by.

I didn't add guac to my Chipotle order last night.

Also, honestly, it's just way too expensive, GD.

GD's short for "Ghost Dad."

I suppose it's better than "Fished Out of a Lake Dad."

Okay, so I swung big.

But I missed out on the first 25 years of her life.

I mean, amortized over 200 nights of Hanukkah,

this is barely anything.

Anyway, I should get to work, 'cause I don't like being

more than one hour late for my shift.

You know I'm your boss, right?

Yeah, but GD pays my salary.

-(Jay scoffs) -Ooh.

She's selectively entitled.

I like it.

So, you need help returning the car now, Trevor?

I'm not returning this car, Sam.

Have you heard of depreciation?

I sell this, I'm gonna take a bath.

No, no, I'll keep it.

-You can't drive. -Whatever.

-It'll be my sitting Porsche. -Oh.

Feel that supple leather on my bare tuchus.

What's he saying?

He's gonna keep it as his sitting Porsche.

Again, no guac.

None. Guacless.

Chef, I hate to do this,

but, uh, I got to talk to you about that raise again.

Oh. Sorry, Cobra. It's not really a good time.

I'm in a pinch.

Dolphins blew my parlay, and I need some scratch.

He's going to Turkey to get a hair transplant.

You hate when gambling is your cover story.

You did say after three months you would evaluate our salaries.

I'm with Amanda.

You need to pay these people a living wage, Jeremiah.

I thought we'd be in a better position than we are today,

but unfortunately, we're not.

Look, we're all hurting.

I ate a very dry burrito last night.

Ooh, a dry burrito?

That's harsh.

I'm back on Jeremiah's side.

We had so many unexpected expenses.

I-I... We had to fix the roof

because the stripper crashed through it.

That's an image I'll never get out of my head.

The blood, the glitter, the penis straws strewn about.

And we don't talk about it in front of you guys,

but Sam and I are barely keeping our heads above water.

I'm sorry, boss. I-I didn't know.

If you sign up for their rewards program,

Burrito Barn gives you free guac on National Avocado Day.

Thank you, Gabe. That doesn't solve the bigger problem,

but I will be doing that.

Look at this thing. So ostentatious.

I'm gonna move it round back.

Trevor says it has over 500 horses in it.

My only question is: How do they crush the bones

into such perfectly rounded curves?

I don't get fancy cars.

I just want something that gets me from point A to point B.

Wow. (chuckles)

The seat really hugs you.

Yes, embrace the opulence.

Oh, my.

The leather is so supple.

That's it.

Feel the Woodstone coursing through your veins.

Wait, do these seats have a massage function?

-Coming. -(engine starts)

Is it unusually bright in here?

No.

Oh, my eyes must still be adjusting.

As you know, I'm a denizen of the basement now.

I must have grown accustomed to the dark lo these many weeks.

-It's been two days. -What?

But it has been eventful. Abby now knows Trevor's a ghost.

Oh, how are you enjoying that, Trevor?

Are you loving getting to know your daughter?

: Yeah. I mean... yeah.

I believe those were my exact words

when the minister asked me if I take this woman

-to be my lawfully wedded wife. Yeah, Trev.

That didn't sound very enthusiastic.

I'm thrilled Abby's in my life.

I love that we're getting to know each other.

But is it me, or does she just seem sort of aimless?

-What do you mean? -What are her goals?

She majored in French poetry, she's working this dead-end job,

and she's turning down free cars.

Well, speaking as a guy who knows a thing or two

about aimless girls...

Oh, because that little girl shot you, right.

How long you been waiting to use that quip?

It'll be 16 years in February.

It has proven very hard to work into conversation.

But the point, Trevor, is Abby's young.

She'll figure things out.

I just hate to see her waste her life.

Oh, Papa Trev.

Just talk to her.

Tell her about your concerns.

No, I don't want to be the annoying, noodgy dad.

I want to be the cool Ghost Dad.

By the way, Ghost Dad, underrated Bill Cosby movie.

Ugh, if only he were here to help guide me.

America's dad, am I right?

Great actor, better man.

-(clicks tongue) Hey, guys.

Oh, why don't you have Samantha talk to her?

Trevor's worried about Abby's lack of direction,

but he doesn't want to seem like a nag.

That's where you come in.

Yes, you can find out what her goals are.

See if she has any dreams.

Point her in the right direction.

You know, give her the full Cosby.

Okay, I feel like some information

didn't filter down to the ghost community,

but I hear you regarding Abby, and I'm happy to talk to her.

Maybe I could take her for a spin in the convertible.

Yeah, whatever. Or lunch or a walk.

Cool. Spin in the convertible it is.

So, you went there on a teen tour.

Nice. How was it?

Istanbul? It was cool.

I don't know. It was a long time ago.

-Yeah, uh, I might go. -(car approaching)

Just to check it out.

Not for any kind of medical procedure.

Hop in, kid.

Let's ride.

Do so at your own risk, Abby.

This lady's a terror behind the wheel.

What up, Cobra?

Broke, my ass.

Slow down, Sam! Some of us can't buckle in!

Well, the talk with Abby went great.

You don't have to worry. She's got goals.

In fact, I think you're gonna really love

what she wants to do with her life.

She wants to get a degree in finance.

-What? -Oh, Trevor must be loving this.

Oh, Trevor, this is great.

She's following in your capitalist pig footsteps.

-I can't believe this. -I know.

It seems a little out of character,

but she's really into it.

She says it's always been a dream of hers.

-Oh. -Hi.

Oh, Abby. I just told Trevor about your plans

to go to grad school, and he is very excited.

Really? I wish my living dad felt the same.

He doesn't want to pay for it.

That's ridiculous.

Why wouldn't Pinkus want her following in his footsteps?

Trevor's very supportive.

In fact, you tell her I'm gonna pay for it.

Really? (chuckles)

He says he's gonna pay for your tuition.

Seriously? How does a ghost have so much money?

Meanwhile, I'm wearing pants that a guest left behind.

I got to say, they look better on you than they did on Linda.

I can't accept that. It's just too big a gesture.

Sam, please.

Tell her I want to do this for her.

If she can't accept the car, at least take this.

He won't take no for an answer.

All right.

Thank you, Ghost Dad. I... (laughs)

Wow. Um, you know,

when I tell most people that I want to go to Paris

to study French poetry, they think I'm crazy,

but not you-- you get it.

-What did she say? Oh, my God.

I'm gonna go look for berets.

Thank you, Ghost Dad.