Welcome to Mooseport

So, how do you like this rain, Danny?

I'm sick of it, Jim.

Well, it seems Mr. Sunshine should be

peeking through those early morning clouds.

Yeah, promises, promises.

Folks, tell you what.

We have a question for you,

and the first caller with the right answer wins...

An orthopedic tractor seat cushion,

courtesy of Handy's Hardware.

Okay, he was a recent two-term president.

Of the Moose lodge?

No, no, little buddy.

The ex-President of the United States!

And many say the most popular in history.

The first President to be divorced in office.

And he's moving right here to...

Mooseport!

Okay, we got a caller here.

Judy Dunkle, can you name him?

Would that be Eagle Cole?

Monroe "Eagle" Cole!

Hey, congratulations, you're a winner, Judy.

Morning, Handy.

Mornin', Kent. Hey, looks good.

Yeah. Yeah. Mornin', Harve.

Mornin', Kent. Mornin', Harve.

Mornin', Handy. Morning, Harve.

Morning, Morris. Morning, Handy.

Morning, Morris. Morning, Reuben.

Morning, Handy!

Morning, Stu. Morning, Fern.

Morning, Handy. Mornin'.

New socks, Harve?

Yeah!

Yeah, I like 'em. I like 'em.

They go well with each other.

Thanks.

Morning, Handy.

Oh, hi, Mandy. I didn't see you there.

Ready, boys? Get it together now. One, two...

Nice!

Good job!

Mornin'.

Mornin', Irma.

Hey.

Hey, come on.

Come on, Plunger.

- Hey, baby. - Martha, good mornin'.

6:30 is too damn early.

It's not too early for Bruce, right?

Bruce doesn't care what time it is.

Bruce got a little morning breath goin'.

Do you believe this?

I mean, he decides to come a week early,

and they expect us to get all that work done?

Well, he's the President.

He's kinda used to getting what he wants.

We'll get it done.

You know what I like about Bruce?

When he's here, my nose looks normal.

Yeah, but his nose fits his face, boss.

You're not funny, Bob.

Let's go.

Yeah, who do we have writing the speech for Tuesday?

Yeah. No. I don't like him.

Yeah. Hold, please.

Hold on one second. Hold on one second.

Copy that. Go!

Lucky bounce, Mr. President!

Well, you know what they say,

"I'd rather be lucky than good."

So, Mr. President, what are you gonna do next?

Oh, so many offers, Chi Chi,

it's an embarrassment of riches.

First, there's the Farewell World Tour.

Chance for me to say good-bye and thank you

to all my wonderful friends.

Writing my, uh, memoirs.

And then, I'm doing something

I haven't done in 26 years,

putting my feet up, reading a newspaper

without interruptions.

Sounds good.

Settle back in that beautiful place you have in Baltimore.

Uh, afraid the First Lady got that one.

In the divorce.

Oh, right.

She got the best years of my life.

But the one thing she won't get is my title.

To the house?

No. The title "Mr. President."

Unless donkeys fly,

they'll be calling me "Mr. President" for the rest of my life.

She can have Baltimore.

I'm fine with my lovely little summer place

Mooseport.

Four tango X-ray.

Hold short of runway one-two.

Sorry, Sally, we have the former

President of the United States on final

We've got orders to let him land first.

Hold short. Damn it.

Everybody, here we go! Stay sharp!

Welcome to the Mooseport White House, Mr. President.

- Thank you. - Step coming up...

All secure.

Home, sweet home.

Ah, it gets more magnificent every year.

Take the dog for a pee, Grace. Ah!

Oh, Jesus.

It looks like Tiger Woods' funeral.

Mr. President, I'd like to go over some of these...

Uh, hold on, Bullard.

I have to take a quick cabinet meeting.

Get in there!

Oh! Hey!

Oh! Sir, sorry.

Sorry. Handy Harrison. Uh, it's an honor...

Get his weapons. Back off!

Got him! You all right, sir?

I'm fine. I didn't realize one of the workers...

I'm a worker. I'm just one of the workers.

I'm sure he's been checked out.

I've been... I've checked out.

Oh, yes, sir, everybody's been

totally cleared. Okay, good.

I'll get outta here.

I'll... Let me... Yeah.

Boy, sorry. And, uh... All clear.

I just wanna say

it's an honor to work for you, really.

Thank you. Thank you very much.

All right, just...

Well, um...

I did come in here for a reason.

Oh, right! Sure.

Go right ahead, yeah.

Sorry. Here.

I'll get that. I'll fix all that.

It'll all be fixed.

That was... President.

Well, at last!

Everyone, let's give the President

a little privacy, shall we?

Right away. Absolutely.

We can go over all these offers anytime, Mr. President.

Hold on! Hold on. How's it coming?

We're finalizing dates this week, sir.

26 speaking engagements, 14 days, 120 thou per.

And?

Clinton got a hundred thousand, sir.

And my autobiography?

Random House is offering 14 mil.

Harper Collins is at 13,

but is offering a better ghostwriter.

Here you go.

Excellent. Keep working it.

We're up to 147 honorary doctorates,

93 offers to be on the boards of Fortune 500 companies.

Soova Motors is offering you $5 million

to do a car commercial to air only in Norway.

And of course, the big enchilada.

The Monroe "Eagle" Cole

Presidential Library.

I like it.

European rationalism

interwoven with American modernism.

A metaphor of organic growth.

A man-made mountain

over which soars the eagle.

Ah. It's fantastic.

Is it big enough?

It's, uh,

40,000 square feet, sir.

And?

Clinton's is 20,000, sir.

Excellent.

Mr. President, it's the former First Lady, sir.

Shall I tell her you're out?

No, no, no.

You excuse me?

Here he is, Mrs. Cole.

And the problem is?

As the man who has just gotten

the most lucrative speaking fees,

the biggest book deal,

the most board offers in history,

I would think you'd know.

Come on, honey lamb.

You don't believe all that nonsense, do you?

No, Eagle, I believe it's just the tip of the iceberg.

Charlotte, lamb, we settled.

Pioneers settle.

We rested.

Seven million, and don't forget

you're selling Mooseport. Charlotte...

It's a vacation home, Monroe.

You thieving, conniving, ungrateful...

It's been a pleasure speaking with you, Mrs. Cole.