Free Fire

Move your fat ass, you A-town motherfucker.

Shut the fuck up, Bernie. My fucking head's about to explode here.

That guy sure messed you up.

Yeah, well, I ever see him again, he's dead.

Not so pretty now, hey, pretty boy?

I look like I tried to fuck a reluctant panda bear.

Yeah, well, you did worse than that, huh?

Oh, don't fucking talk about it. It didn't happen, okay?

- Where the fuck are they? - It's okay.

We have ten minutes yet.

Oh, Frank. Stop giving out like an old lady, will you?

I just want everyone to go home happy from this too.

Exactly. Do you hear that, Frank?

Fucking hate this shit.

You're take no notice of him.

The baggage handler's lost his charm at the airport, apparently.

Look at this fucking mulignan.

Man, her asshole brother's got his feet so far under the fucking table.

You know what you should do?

Should just tell him to leave.

I can't, man. It's all part of the deal.

Man, I hate house guests.

Yesterday he put my shoes out on the porch and polished them.

I mean, what the fuck does that even mean?

Oh, Jesus. You got any headache pills?

Nah, I got smack.

Talk about a fucking sledgehammer to crack a nut.

Here you go.

What your old lady say?

I ain't been home yet.

Oh, right.

- She's pregnant. - Aw, shit. Again?

Considering how much you hate her, you sure seem to fuck her a lot.

Where are we going?

So what's the deal with you and Frank?

It's Frank's job to make sure that no one gets in my way.

And it's my job

to make sure that Frank doesn't get in his own way.

Hey, Saint Francis.

- What's going on? Get over here.

- Hey! - Where the fuck have you been?

My sister's worried sick about you.

Don't worry about it. When she's pregnant, she's sick all the time.

Jeez.

- What happened to your eye? - Huh?

Listen, son, don't you show me up.

Trying to help you here,

give you an opportunity, bring you in.

Is that why you polished my shoes?

What?

I got work gloves.

Come here, Justine.

You're not FBI, are you?

- I'm I.I.F.M. - What?

In it for myself.

- All right? - Fuck!

- Fucking sort it out. - Jesus, Frank.

My fucking balls, man!

Get over here. Straighten up.

You look like the fucking Hunchback of Notre Dame.

Fuck! My beautiful balls.

Now, introduce yourself to the lady.

Sure.

- Stevo. - Justine.

- Justine. Enchanté. - (CHUCKLES)

Charlie's missing an angel tonight, huh?

Oh, my God, beautiful.

- Great. - (CHRIS SIGHS)

So, Stevo, where did you get the vehicle?

Oh, the vehicle? That's cool. No, I did exactly what I was told.

Yeah? That's a first, eh?

Hey, Justine, I need some of that brown stuff

you girls like to trowel all over your face.

What do you mean? Like powder?

Yeah, yeah.

I feel a little conspicuous with the black eye.

- Oh. - Yeah, Stevo, I'll do it for you.

- I'll help you out here. Now, how's that? - Hey, careful.

- There we go. - Careful, Chris. It's bruised.

- I'll do it. I'll do it. - I'll do it. I'll do it.

I'll fucking do it.

So where's our guy, then?

- We didn't come 3,000 miles for the view. - Here he is. I'll handle it.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Slow down there, sweetheart.

Christopher?

So what do you think?

Sure, we'll give him his day in court.

I don't like his jumper.

A thousand apologies. Hate it when people are tardy.

This is Ord.

It's good to meet you boys. Thanks for coming out.

Maybe later.

You didn't masturbate before you got here,

- did you. - You what?

Told you, I don't wanna work with anybody who's carrying a loaded weapon.

So if you need time, go find yourself a dark corner.

I'm just saying relax. It's all good.

If you wouldn't mind, as we agreed upon...

- I'll check for wires. - I've got a gun.

Good. Well, soon you guys will have even more.

Come on, big guy.

You know, where I'm from, boy, we'd be halfway up the aisle by now.

Would you hold your makeup there for me?

Thank you.

- All right there, Smokey. - You smell good.

- (STEVO CHUCKLES) - Thank you. It's your mother.

Okay, no wires. If no one's listening in,

I guess we're all friends.

The, uh...

The fag and the retard are an interesting choice of muscle

to bring to the party.

- Just right there. - Ow!

You ain't got them blended.

You know what? Fuck the small talk.

Let's buy some guns, eh?

All right. Step into my office.

What the fuck are you doing?

I'm leaving a trail of breadcrumbs.

So, what did Justine tell you about these people?

Why don't we hear it from you, fella?

Okay, I appreciate that you're a serious guy,

I mean, fuck Britain and all that, but you're on a different level now.

The guy who represents this merchandise,

his lawn is bigger than your whole fucking country.

As big as your fucking mouth, then.

Tell me, Frank, is it true you people live in houses with mud floors?

- What? - I'm just saying, you know,

my ancestors probably ate raw onions and fucked goats, so...

Nah, I doubt they were that advanced.

- (METAL CLATTERS) - Oh, God damn it.

Watch yourself there. Look at this shit.

It's a real fucking palace.

Hey, beggars can't be choosers, Cinderella.

I wonder what kind of factory it was.

Well, whatever it made, nobody wants it now.

Ugh. It's cold.

You think this is cold, sweetheart?

You should try Hollywood in February.

Freeze the tits of a brass witch.

It's so fucking dirty. Who put all the lights on?

Only thing a girl needs to stay warm in Los Angeles is a flexible outlook.

I'm not talking about your Hollywood.

I'm talking about the real Hollywood.

- Hollywood, County Down, Northern Ireland. - You know we've walked like half a mile?

Not your Cecil B. DeMille bullshit.

You guys got a Hollywood, too?

Have to carry all the fucking guns through here, all the way over there.

That's what I like about this business.

It can be financially rewarding and you can still learn something new

- everyday. Stick with your ABCs, son.

Right, introductions, yeah?

Come out, come out, wherever you are.

Vernon, why don't you come join us? The gang's all here.

Here we go.

Vernon is in the blue suit.

Howdy, boys. How's the digs?

Who's the other fella? Martin.

He was a Panther, but it didn't work out.

Vernon was misdiagnosed

as a child genius and he never got over it.

What is he now? - Let me do the talking, eh, boy?

An international asshole.

Vern, these are the boys from across the pond.

Well, everyone's from somewhere, eh?

Justine. How are you, doll?

As gorgeous as ever,

well, you've, uh, put on a bit of weight.

- Did somebody impregnate you? - Fuck off.

- Good. There's still a chance. - What the fuck is that accent?

Uh, I think it's like, Swiss or something.

- Austrian. - Oh, right. That's it. Austrian.

What do you say we check out the march'?

That's why we're here, eh?

She's a bit shy.

So, you'll be pleased to know

that I have a whole truckload of these gorgeous dolls just outside

and they're all looking for dance partners.

It's not what we ordered.

Eh...

You're a little bit rude, eh?

I was presenting the merch and you start chirping the bird there.

He says it's not what he ordered.

- Fuck, really? Uh... - Let me explain.

- What, uh... What did you order? - So, we ordered M16s.

You've heard of them? Now, this is an AR70.

Different weapon.

It's not what I ordered.

You should teach your boy some manners.

Learn a thing or two from the English.

Keep your shit together.

Martin, stay out of this.

I'm not running a fucking pizza delivery service.

You want the weapons or you don't want the weapons?

- Look... - They're assault rifles.

You said rifles. Justine, you said rifles, doll.