Only Murders in the Building

You're listening to All is Not OK in Oklahoma

from Cinda Canning.

I wasn't expecting to find anything related

to the disappearance of Becky.

What the fuck is in Bo's mouth?

Becky's panties!

I'm Leonora Folger, the mother of Bunny.

Where the fuck is my painting?

You bought the painting from the artist, Rose Cooper?

She went missing.

- Dad? Dad! - It's okay, buddy!

I was having an affair with your father for years.

I thought Rose Cooper was.

She was, too.

We're texting with the killer!

We tell him we'll put the matchbook in a trashcan

outside Morningside Park, and then...

- twist! - Glitter.

There goes our best chance at clearing our names.

Who is Glitter Guy?

Damn it! He has the matchbook!

What's stopping me from locking you up today, huh?

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Last year, the NYPD had a budget

of $5.5 billion.

That's a billion with a "B."

My salary was 85,819 before taxes,

alimony, and the mortgage on this fuckin' dump where I also live.

If you divide 85,819 by 5.5 billion, you get...

I have no fuckin' idea, but it's a drop in the bucket.

Try living on that in New York City. It's impossible.

So you take other jobs.

You work security at Coney Island,

or you help out departments in small towns

that might not be equipped to handle things

like multiple homicides or missing persons,

shit like that.

You get in, you get out, you get paid.

You go through the motions.

But every once in a while, you meet someone

and everything changes.

You see a gal in a bar,

or a guy, if that's your thing,

and you toss out some Cary Grant BS like,

"What brings someone like you to a joint like this?"

And she, or he, if that's your thing,

they smile at you,

and your whole goddamn universe turns upside down.

And that's when shit gets really crazy.

Kreps is Glitter Guy.

- Oh. It's ASL for "glitter." - Oh.

That's kind of fun.

- I know. - But why would Kreps kill Bunny?

I mean, did he want her painting?

I don't know. He doesn't seem like the kind of guy

who would kill for a piece of art.

Money is a very strong motive.

True, if he even got the painting,

but why would he frame us?

And this is the brilliant mind behind the whole set-up? I don't think so.

Yeah, something is not right.

But, if so, someone's puppet-mastering a cop?

I mean, how?

I think I know who did this.

That is a great name for a TV show.

Remind me that "Criminal Mastermind" is a great name for a TV show.

What about Kreps' backpack?

And what is this logo?

I feel like I've seen it somewhere. Chickens are so weird-looking.

I know. I mean, who was the first person who looked at a chicken and said,

"Yum! I'll bet that's delicious."

After everything that's happened, I don't know if I have what it takes

to go up against a cop.

I know what you're thinking. "Have we reached that point in our friendship

when we can just show up at each other's apartments in our nightclothes?"

- No, we haven't. - "Nightclothes"?

But I just had to tell you both the good news.

According to the DNA results,

I am, in fact, Will's biological father.

- Hey! Congratulations! - Oh, that's great!

- Thank you. Well, no big surprise.

I mean, a blind man could see we're related.

So does that mean you're Greek?

Greek-ish.

What's Greek-ish?

Well, you know how I thought I was Ir-ish?

Greek-ish.

There's no real difference. All the European countries

are essentially the same.

But now, to celebrate...

You brought Mrs. Gambolini?

Well, this delightful creature kept me up all night

telling me to go fuck myself,

which is why I look like Nick Nolte after Mardi Gras.

So, I am gifting her to you.

No, no, no! Bunny gave her to you!

- You keep it. - Charles, if you do not take this bird,

it will literally be tomorrow's paté.

Oliver, I do not have anything in the apartment

that goes to the bathroom out in the open!

It's a rule I have!

This is humiliating.

What is this ?

No fucking way.

That's the original.

- Are you sure? - I'm pretty sure.

And the woman in the painting is the artist Rose Cooper?

That's right.

But why would Bunny make a fake?

So she could hang the inexpensive fake painting...

Oh, and hide the real one under her--

I know who did it...

Shut up!

Ripped and corrected by - YoungJedi -

What are you doing here?

Hi. Um, I come bearing gifts.

Well, a gift.

Also, I really need to have a wee.

Thanks.

What do you want, Alice?

To take more of my story?

To make my trauma into more of your shitty art?

Ouch.

I deserve that. I don't want anything. I just wanted to give you that.

A puzzle?

It's a peace offering.

I know how much you like puzzles, so I made one for you.

I made it with an X-Acto knife, um, in the middle of a blackout,

which may have been a mistake.

I'm not trying to look for sympathy. I just...

wanted to give you context for any imperfections

or bloodstains you might find.

But, if you do wanna be sympathetic towards me--

You know, I...

I should thank you.

- For what? - For making me realize

that I don't want my life to be all about the worst parts of it.

I have more to offer than that.

I thought you'd be cross forever.

Does that mean...

No.

I like you, Alice.

But I don't trust you.

And I can't be with someone I don't trust.

I understand.

Well, if you ever need something...

anything, please.

You have my number. Goodbye, Mabel.

Yes, Leonora Folger. I know she lives there.

What do you mean she's "not verbal"?

She was highly verbal and a little bit mean, actually,

when she showed up at my building a few weeks ago.

She hasn't left there in how long?

Okay. Got it.

Under...

"Celebrations"?

Ah...

Thank you. Sorry to bother.

Oh, Charles, you've been had.

Just take my suggestion, add even more padding to the lion's hips.

Other than that, this looks great. W-what is your problem?

We open in three days, and it's back to being a shit show.

The Munchkins all forgot your choreography.

Dorothy threatened to walk because she says

the Scarecrow shouldn't be played by neurotypical actor.

- Oh wow. - And then the blackout hit

when we were in rehearsals,

and I had five screaming, crying flying monkeys hanging from the ceiling.

It's gonna be a disaster, and it's all my fault.

Willie. Willie. You can do this.

You know why? Because the theater is in your blood.

You're a Putnam.

For real.

What, you got the DNA results?

I am so Greek, I could be Jennifer Aniston's stand-in.

I'm so Greek, I could go bankrupt, and no one in the world would help me.

Wow, that's...

What?

I don't know. I just...

I didn't realize how much was weighing on me until this moment.

Well, I want you to stop worrying.

Please? Just...

Come here. Come here.

I love you, baby.

I love you, too.

Thanks, Dad.

- We're good. It's fine. - You know what?

I feel like I can do this now.

You're a Putnam.

Hello?

Hello?

Looks like we're in for a fight.

Oh.

Looks like we're in for a fight.

Jesus, I need a life.

Well, if it isn't Bloody Mabel.

Where's the, uh, dusty grandpappies?

And who are you supposed to be?

Rocky Zero? Great White Dope?

Raging Bullshitter?