Hap and Leonard

- How you doing, Roy? - I's all right.

- I understand you havin' problems with your landlord.

Oh, ain't that the truth.

He told me I gotta pay my rent or move on out.

- I suppose his words moved you to tears.

Nope.

They moved me to the sidewalk.

- I tried to get me a job the other day.

Oh, yeah?

How much they 'gon pay?

- They said they's gonna pay me what i's worth.

Well, that ain't fair.

You gotta make some money.

Oh, look at the rain.

Hold on. There you go.

Ready?

One, two, three, go!

Go, go!

That nigger's wetter than a well digger's ass.

Damn it.

All right.

Nigger's got a kid in the car.

You stay here, hap.

Hold down the wagon train.

You stay put, you hear?

Mm-hmm.

- It's a hell of a night for this.

Don't worry, I'm just here to help.

- Oh, thank you, sir. - What's going on?

I don't know.

- Take a look at that. - All right.

- Light that up for me? - Sure thing.

Think I know what's happening.

So this is what a working coon gets these days, huh?

It's damn nice.

I was expecting an outhouse,

a couple of chickens on the porch.

And you bleeding-heart liberals think there's something wrong

with this country?

Come on. Out.

Any ideas?

I got an idea.

Shut up.

Get out of the Van.

Paco.

You have to stop this.

Why?

Everything we worked for,

you're throwin' it away.

- Do you know how much a new face cost?

Why is there talking?

Is she laying a guilt trip on you, paco?

We we're a team.

Shit like that?

Check this out, doodles.

Hey, paco, where's the money?

They buried it in the barn.

Ooh.

Money wins every time.

Angel, baby.

- Yeah? - Find us a shovel.

Hap.

Yeah?

- You see any chance, don't you hesitate.

Just don't go all Rambo on me

or we'll end up like chub.

Damn fool.

Sticking his neck out for me.

- Dig. Jig.

Can you dig it?

"Warriors"? Anybody?

Soldier.

Now, what if I... What if we just agreed to...

Split the money?

Just split it?

- Yeah, we could just split it 'cause this is a...

This whole thing is a charity drive and I'm a...

I'm a generous individual.

No, I get all the money.

We get all the money.

- Wh... what I mean is, uh, i could take the money

and... and, uh, i could probably double,

triple your investment.

What are you gonna do with it?

Uh, for starters,

we're gonna do whatever the hell we want,

Howie, and then...

After that,

I'm gonna buy the biggest rock that I can find

and I'm gonna put it on the finger of this lovely thing,

and make her an honest woman. Okay?

Not too honest. Not very honest at all,

but she will be the biggest trophy wife

the world has ever known.

I said dig.

Come on.

Eureka.

Lenny, help me out, would you?

Len, could you help me out please?

Get down there.

Paco.

Come over here, please.

- Well, that ain't good. - No, for them it's not good.

Hey, Howie. How... how is that foot?

- No. - How is the other foot?

- It was... - Howie.

- It was there. - Howie.

- I... I swear. Paco saw it.

Paco! You saw it. - It was there!

Oh, no, shh.

Don't. Stop whining.

Stop whining 'cause that's getting on my nerves and I...

I have sensitive nerves.

Baby, can you give me that, please?

Thank you.

Howie, come here, would you?

Would you come... could you stand right here for me?

Ooh!

Where's the money?

Howie.

I didn't touch it.

I didn't touch it.

Then who did?

Who did?

Howie, who did?

Who did?

I moved it!

- Say what? - You heard me!

I moved it someplace you'll never find it!

- The biggest balls in this room are swingin' from a cooch.

I got to love that.

Trudy...

What do you say you and I, we have a heart to heart now?

Yeah, let's do that. Come on.

Come over. You're gonna come over here now.

Uh-uh-uh-uh.

Don't be smart, fellas.

Dumb suits you much better.

- This is a sweet set-up he's got here, huh?

Gonna marry that woman in there.

I'm gonna take her someplace like this.

South America maybe.

House on the beach,

fruit trees...

That stuff costs money though,

and it's money that you hid from me.

Are you scared?

I don't blame you. I'm scary stuff.

What's the place you work called again?

- Family burger. - That's the one.

Gosh, you see those places everywhere now, huh?

What do they pay? Minimum wage?

Less?

And what is that? Two, three bucks an hour?

Tips if you smile?

You like serving truckers, fat kids for that kind of money?

'Cause I think a woman like you, a woman who looks like you

should aim higher and not for nothing.

You're not getting any younger, Trudy.

Listen, eventually folks are gonna find those cops,

and this place gonna get hotter

than the devil's ass crack,

and I just don't have the time to wait.

So here's what I'm gonna do.

I'm gonna give this back to you. All of it.

You can get yourself a new dress, a new hairdo, whatever,

and I'll even sweeten the pot, okay?

And which... which car is yours?

I'm gonna let you ride that beater out of here

and leave all this shit behind.

You'll never see me again.

All you got to do is tell me what I want to know.

What do you say?

This is your call, sister.

Come on.

Come on.

Oh, please.

Oh, baby. Baby.

Angel, baby.