Rubber Tarzan (Gummi-Tarzan) (Gummi-Tarzan)

* RUBBER TARZAN *

That's the second time this week, sleepyhead!

Hey, you!

You're not supposed to be here!

Watch your tongue, young man! This is a school!

So cool, man.

Well, if it ain't the muscleman, Ivan Olsen.

- He of the big muscles. - Let's have a look at them.

But you know that I don't have any muscles.

You know it's damn expensive to have such muscles, Ivan.

- They need to be maintained. - Please don't...!

Leave me alone!

No, don't!

Look out for the sharks, Ivan Olsen.

Oh, here he comes! Let's go!

Stop!

You're peeing too much, Ivan.

Yes?

You have to be here on time, Ivan.

- Look at you, what happened? - It was just an accident.

Just have a seat, and get out your book.

- Please continue, Nina? - Yes.

"First they got oats, as did the poor.

"So they had wheat, and fat."

"Then they got beer, from rye."

Thank you, Nina Ivan... can you do the next part?

- No. - Why not, Ivan?

I don't know where we are.

Here. Now read.

I'm no good with letters. Can't we do something else?

In school you have to learn from books.

- Why? - It's the law, Ivan.

But I'll never learn those thousands of letters.

There are not that many, Ivan.

- I think there are awfully many. - OK, you'll read another time.

But keep at it, then you'll learn them.

Come on, Inge... Yes, it's here. Open the door.

Careful with the TV. Nothing but trouble with you!

You wait for the next one!

- Hi. - Sssh, Dad's asleep.

- Why? - Dad has a headache. Oh no, look at you!

It feels like all I'm doing is washing, ironing, and drying.

You're also good with the vacuum cleaner.

Don't worry about it. Go inside.

- So what did you learned in school today? - Nothing special.

Nothing special...?! What the hell happened to you?

So none of you learned anything in school?

Well, not me, at least.

But it's scandalous. I'm paying taxes, so my son can attend school and learn!

- So what am I paying for?! - I don't know.

Don't get Dad worked up, Ivan.

- I'll get a stupid and incompetent son! - Yeah, I suppose so.

And the bullies made your pants wet again?

- You better become a real he-man soon. - What's that?

Well, it's a... Learn to fight back. A he-man can beat them all.

- I can't beat anyone. - You can't do anything at all.

- You're a wimp. - Yes, I guess so.

Wimp.

Get back inside. I have to go find my kite.

You want wet pants?

- What the hell are you doing? - You ran over my kite!

That was not very nice of you!

Kite-killer!

You think your work is over? You think this is a playground?

Go on with your job. We're behind schedule.

You hould try to be Ivan Olsen and get your pants wet everyday.

But you don't care, do you, George?

- Turn the lights off, - Good night, George.

Thorkild? Thorkild... Aren't you coming to bed?

All this work. I can't take it anymore.

Stop it, Ivan. I'm busy. You'll wreck the vacuum cleaner. Get out of bed.

But it's hungry. And it's way too clean in here.

Nothing wrong with a bit of cleanliness. Come and eat.

Morning, George.

I'll be going now, Thorkild, we're busy at the clinic.

Ha-ha! A lesson for those damn crocodiles!

- Good morning. - Good morning.

Look, this is a real tough guy!

- That guy? - Oh, yeah!

Is he always dragging his wife up into the trees?

She's not his wife. She's Jane.

Tarzan is the king of the apes. He is the king of the jungle and the apes.

But he is only wearing speedos. A real king has a nice coat.

Real kings are wimps!

This guy is a real man. Healthy, strong, and noble.

- He's a bit fat. - Fat? No... that's muscles.

Is he always swimming with his toys?

- What does it say here? - I don't know.

It's only two letters.

Aaaaaahhh...!

We have to build some muscles in you, so you'll become a Tarzan.

Go and get dressed.

- Right now? - Stop that nonsense, Mr. Wimp.

- But what are we doing? - 15 minutes every morning, starting today!

You need strength in your arms, so you can swing from tree to tree.

- But I'll fall down and get a nosebleed. - You're my son, and I'm in charge.

- Why? - Because it's the law.

What a crappy law.

Hang on, hang on, Ivan. And then you flex.

So, hang on, hang on. Steady.

And then you flex again. Go!

And... hang again. And then flex. Come on.

Come on, come on.

I told you I couldn't do the Tarzan!

- You're nothing but a Rubber Tarzan. - I thought I was a wimp.

You are also a wimp. Rubber Tarzan!

Hang on.

Lift your knees.

Yes.

Yes.

Come on. Up, up. There you go, yes!

Go! Come on.

There... There... Yes.

And... jump!

- Stand still! - Hello.

Ahh, it's Mr. Olsen!

How about learning how to tell time?

- Morning, Rubber Tarzan! - Rubber Tarzan...

So, in a row. Come on, run.

Hop, hop, hop, hop. Yes... quiet!

It takes a lot of strong arm muscles to jump over the 'horse'. A lot!

- Like these. - Can we hang on?

Yep, another one, come!

Just like that. Back in the line.

How about you, Ivan?

No thanks, I think I'll skip today.

Many of us would like to see you jump over.

First one, go!

Stretch the knees.

Move on, go!

Now you, Ivan.

- Ivan! - Go, Gummi-Tarzan.

Ivan, come on.

Shut up...!

There. Good boy, no tears, huh?

Go and fix that nosebleed... Next.

Hold tight... hold tight down there!

Are you out of your mind, Kid?! You think it's a swimming pool?

This water is filled with dirt and filth.

- I was just sitting there... - Yeah, sure.

You scared the hell out of me. You could have drowned here.

What are you doing here? It's not a playground.

- I have to go home now. - First you need some dry clothes.

Give me a break! What kind of outfit is that?

- You look like a purple tsetse fly. - What is that?

I don't know, either.

Here, have some warm tea. Drink until you're boiling.

I totally forgot that I can't swim.

Everybody can swim. But not everyone has learned how yet.

- You really think so? - I know so!

Now we have to dry your clothes.

- What's your name, by the way? - Ivan Olsen.

Alright, Olsen, come along. My name is Ole.

There's a good spot for drying up there.

- Are you coming up with me? - Yeah.

- You'll be careful now, right? - Yes.

- You have a firm grip? - Yes.

- Isn't it dangerous? - Not as long as you keep a firm grip.

We're pretty high up, right?

Yeah... Now you'll see a smart drying machine.

- Can you drive a crane? - No, I can't do anything at all.

Now that's what I call a big lie. Climb into the cage.

- Well, now we're going. - Yes, let's go.

Put on these if the music is too loud.

Just like I said. Dry like dried fish.

- It's a good machine, this one. - Oh, yeah.

Wasn't it you with the kite?

I'm very sorry. But it's not a playground around here.

- No, it's no playground. - Climb down and change.

And be careful the next time you're around

here, Olsen. Let me put this rope around you.

Like that.

And be careful.

Ole, you're pretty good at driving this crane.

Thank you. And you're quite good at climbing down.

There is always something you're good at.

You just have to find out what it is.

Well, I am pretty good at driving this crane.

Then get to it! It's not a ferris wheel you're riding!

A ferris wheel...!

- Hi, Mom, it's just me. - Hi.

- Why are you looking out there? - Because I'm happy.

What on Earth, Ivan? You're not even wet?

- No, and I can swim! - What?

There is always something you are good at. You just have to figure out what it is.

You feel warm. Are you OK?

I'm just happy. I can borrow your bicyle, right?

Well, is Rubber Tarzan out showing off his muscles?

- Can I join in? - You can start by throwing back the ball.

Okay.

You must be getting a lot of pocket money, since you can do something like that.

- No, I only get 2,25 kroner. - You're nothing but a Rubber Tarzan.

- Bull's eye! - No, look at me.

- So, you need help washing your face? - No thanks.

Wow, Gummi, what are you doing all the way up on that one?

- I'm bicycling. - But you're not going anywhere.

I can't get it started.

You're not too smart. You have to work the pedals.

I know. But my legs are too short.

- You want me to help? - Thanks.