Long Flat Balls (Lange flate ballær)

THE CZECH REPUBLIC - NORWAY

Guys! If Norway wins, I'll buy you a trip to the World Cup!

Edgar! Now you gotta keep your promise!

Sorry. There's not gonna be any trip. The EdGarage doesn't have the cash.

The offer just slipped out! You better start saving, guys.

Is the EdGarage out of money, Edgar?

7 MONTHS LATER

LONG FLAT BALLS

Kurt Nilsen here on P4. 20,000 supporters are now in Germany.

And there's at least half a million who'd wish they were there...

- Quit stealing! - I was just getting some change!

There's less here. What have you done with our money?

- I needed money for the parking meter! - Won't get to the World Cup with this.

- What was that all about? - I don't know.

Who was that last guy?

- Did you hear what he said, Edgar? - No. He was whispering.

If I was supposed to hear it, it's stupid to whisper.

Are you always this bloody hilarious? But that's not why we are here.

We're sick of this! Mobekken is tired of waiting for his money.

Commission means that you keep a percentage. Not all the money!

I knew you were stupid, Edgar, but not that stupid.

You've got 30 days to put the money on the table.

If not, we'll take over this...

Mobekken will take over this whole stinking grease pit!

My wife is a partner here too.

Well I hope she's a swinger, 'cos she's about to swap partners!

- Have you seen her? - No, but...

If I were you, I'd pass. Thirty days!

Damn it, that little gnome doesn't understand.

Do you understand what we're saying?

Edgar, the word is you haven't reproduced! You'd better get a move on.

If you can't pay me back in thirty days, it won't ever happen!

'Cos with no balls, your squirt... Is gonna hurt!

- Did you hear him? - Yeah! This time he didn't whisper.

- Kari, come with me! - Edgar, what's going on?

That was Mobekken and his monkey. We owe them a lot of money.

- We haven't borrowed any... - I wasn't talking about a loan.

I owe him commission for car sales.

But I spent it on things like payroll and stuff.

- Shit! How much are we talking about? - 890,000.

... you get these fashionable EdGarage caps.

If you decide today, I'll throw in a set of winter tires.

Nothing like the feeling of new rubber, you know...

Just sign here, please.

- OK, we'll take care of it. - Just sold the Volvo!

- Sold the Volvo anyway. - That's great, Oyvind.

Hello!

- Won't get to the World Cup with this. - No, we'll need a miracle.

Yeah, like you selling cars to women.

Wake up, will you? We have work to do!

Hi!

I'd like to buy a car.

Just sold the Opel?

Oyvind, we need to talk.

- Why do you only sell cars to men? - They're the ones who buy them.

There are also quite a few women who want to buy cars.

Jesus Christ! Here's a list of 15 cars, over the last three months...

- Well, that's quite a lot really! - Sure, but they're all men.

I can't see a single... Wait... no, that's a guy too!

What's your problem? Spit it out!

- It's not that easy... - What's your problem with women?

- I've never been laid. - What?

Never fucked!

Lots of people have never fucked.

- Really? - But we can fix that.

- We might be going to Germany. - Yeah, that would be nice.

Alright?

I had my debut in Germany, too.

And Norway will do great in the World Cup!

Being in the World Cup is an accomplishment in itself...

- 4 summer tires and 8 winter tires... - We're out of toilet paper, too.

Use something else! Tonight's the crucial game in the group play-offs!

- It's time for those long, flat balls! - What do you mean?

We're not talking about the shape of the ball, dumbass.

- It should travel flat to the turf. - So say that then.

- Professional lingo, you know. - Use your brain stupid!

You must have heard the expression!

Is it possible to be that stupid?

Guys! I have good news and bad news. What do you want to hear first?

Let's start with the bad. Then go for a happy ending.

If we start with the good news, then it falls...

OK, guys! I'll decide.

- Soon, you'll have a new boss. - And the bad news is?

- I have to sell the EdGarage. - You're selling the EdGarage, Edgar?

I've got a problem with Mobekken Auto. I owe him a lot of money.

But we've been busy as hell here! We can't be broke.

Yes, but we were selling his cars for commission.

The money he was supposed to get, I had to spend on pay checks.

What's the good news then?

If Norway wins tonight, I'll buy you a trip to Germany.

Without the women!

What are you smiling about? You've never even fucked one!

Norway has defeated USA! We've advanced from the group play-offs!

Norway made it to the quarterfinals!

Take out a mortgage on the house, and come to Germany!

This is our ride to Germany, guys!

Holy shit!

Open the hood, Edgar!

- Is it a two- or four-cylinder? - What do you think? It's four!

Do you have a couple of minutes?

That was really cool. The trip to the World Cup.

Have you thought about which route to drive?

I know a nice route through Hamburg.

- That's the easiest way to get there. - Something else on your mind?

Well, we could... swing by the Reeperbahn.

Have a peek at the girls Wouldn't that be cool?

- What about Laila? - She's not interested in soccer.

She's more into ping-pong!

- How is it with you two, by the way? - Oh, things are... they're great.

Lots of sex and stuff, you know, it's brilliant, really...

Jeez...

- Do you have a couple of minutes? - Sure, Kai. Sit down.

I've thought about Mobekken Auto.

This trip to Germany was really nice of you. Lots of good food and stuff...

- I think it will be fun. - I'm looking forward to it!

- I think it'll be nice. - Great fun.

Shame you might have to sell your life's work. It makes me nervous.

- That's just life, Kai. - But that Mobekken...

- He probably needs a good mechanic? - Do you mean yourself?

What about your drinking? Have you really quit?

Yeah, sure, sure. Haven't had a drink in forever.

- Can I trust you on that? - Yes, those days are gone.

Christmas Eve, New Year's Eve, Easter Eve...

Midsummer's night... Your birthdays...

Then there is no reason for you to be nervous. I'll put in a word for you.

That would be nice of you, Edgar. And I'm looking forward to the trip.

- Don't go around being nervous. - Thanks, Edgar. I'll go pack, then.

Boy!

- Do you have two minutes? - Sure. Come on in.

It's about that trip to Germany.

There's not much left! I only got 250 euros for 2,000.

- Then they gotta be worth more, right? - A lot more. Germany is cheap.

- Freddy, tell the guys. - I'm not going to Germany.

You're not going to Germany?

No, I've landed some gigs. I've got to focus on my music.

- But we're going to the World Cup! - But I don't even like soccer!

Everybody likes soccer, you too. You just don't know it yet!

So now we're one man short!

- Which letter are you? - N.

- Have you ever heard of ORWAY? - You could fit two letters on your belly.

Damn it, I'll show you two letters! Let go of me! God damn it! Hey!

- Do you have ten minutes? - Yeah.

About that trip to Germany... I need some money up front!

I'm broke as usual, you know.

I can't give you an advance as long as you are on sick leave.

I can work under the table. Then get an advance out of that!

We both benefit.

You might not have a job to take sick leave from when you get back.

- Hello. - I can't live here anymore!

This goddamn racket! She's crazy!

- I just can't take it anymore! - He's back again.

Asshole!

Damn crappy burrito music!

Just put it on the bill, OK?

Hi, Mom.

What's this? After Eight Mints? I don't like After Eight Mints!

- And are those flowers for me? - Yes...

I am allergic to roses!

But how would you know when you've never bothered giving me roses before?

Sit closer! Do it! God, you're almost bald.

Oh, will you stop that? All you do is go to soccer games.

Can't get yourself a woman at soccer games! You have to ask them out.

- But first I have to meet the right one. - In the stupid Stadium?

Besides, you have me, so you don't need anyone!

- Will you stop that horrible racket? - If you tried asking nicely...

You're exactly like your Father. No, you're not really.

Your Father was tall, handsome and had enough hair for a beautiful quiff!

But you are similar in that he traveled the country to see horse races, -

- and you have that soccer of yours. Would you stop that?

Hear that? They're killing me... When are you going to take me home?

Me and the boys are going on a soccer trip to Germany.

Germany? The land of beer and prostitutes... Can't you just stop it?

If you can't stop, I'll just have to cut off...the electricity!

NORWAY -ARGENTINA

May Berit Bergh rest in peace.

About that trip to Germany, I really need that money.

Shut the fuck up! This is a funeral, Karsten...

Poor Oyvind! First the EdGarage and...

- And then FFK lost last Saturday. - ...and then his Mother...

- They were ahead in the first half, too! - Edgar, I really need that money.

Could you move a bit? I'm filling up this hole here.

- At least give me five minutes! - Sorry, gotta get home for the game.

But it's a long kick, it's a very long kick...

Is Mrs. Bergh feeling better now?

She's dead.

He's at a very sharp angle!

You guys are finished with these, right?

Excuse me, I have to go to the bathroom.

Norway is 2-1 up against Argentina, another South American team...

Come on, Oyvind!

Oyvind! Oyvind! Oyvind!

- Go on, grab a beer, Oyvind! - And the Reverend too!

Rev'rend! Rev'rend! Rev'rend!

Edgar! Edgar!

2-1 victory for Norway. Hope all of Norway is watching.

We've beaten Argentina 2-1!

OLÉ, OLÉ, OLÉ!

Guys... Guys! I have a new N.

Helge!

He's the guy replacing Freddy!