The Paragon

Six minutes.

That's how long they reckon my heart stopped for.

You know, they talk about a white light...

life flashing before your eyes.

Well, I didn't get any of that shit.

The only reason I'm alive

is because that shop owner down the road

had one of those heart-zapper machine things,

and--bzzt-- zaps me back to life.

He told the cops that the car that hit me,

it just drove off.

It was a silver Toyota Corolla.

He didn't get the number plate.

Come on, hey.

I'm Dutch Nordstrom,

ex-professional tennis player and entrepreneur,

and I have a new program for you.

See, in my long career, I've beaten

some of the best players in the world.

You know how I did that?

This.

If you don't win the mental game,

you do not win the game,

and that's why I've developed my new program--

Knife Fight Tennis.

I've designed Knife Fight Tennis

for pros, semi-pros, amateurs with something to prove.

But in this program, I'm not gonna teach you

how to backhand or to use spin.

I'm gonna teach you the art

of the backhanded compliment,

of how to spin the facts in your favor to win...

Knife Fight Tennis.

How to pick up little details from your opponent's childhood

that you can drop into conversation like,

"Hey, Danny, that's a great serve

for someone that wet the bed till they were 15."

So, they get my heart going again,

but my leg is smashed in four places.

I mean, that's the end of me and tennis. Done.

Everything that came before feels like a kind of dream.

Everything that came after feels like a sick joke.

Hey, I've gotta get to work, but don't you think

we should just have a chat about that email?

I didn't get an email.

Okay, well, if you'd read the email, it would have

moved this conversation on about Tony a lot faster.

Who's Tony?

Tony is a colleague at work with whom I've been having sex.

What the hell, Emily? How many times?

I've been trying to engage with you

on this issue for a while now,

but honestly, it's been a challenge.

So, I figured this was just an easier way

to bring you up to speed with where things are at with us.

There's a bullet-point list here.

Yeah, yeah, just to highlight the areas

of our relationship that aren't currently meeting expectations.

Our sex life, like..

What's wrong with our sex life?

Did you like the dinner?

What?

The bolognese.

Can we concentrate?

Uh...

I added Marmite. That's the secret.

That's why it's so delicious.

Dutch, I don't wanna talk about fucking dinner, okay?

I'm concentrating.

Just stop. Just wait.

Yeah, yeah.

Do you like that?

-Yeah. -Yeah?

That's good.

You love it, don't you? Yeah.

It brings out the umami.

What!?

Well, you see,

this says that I'm angry all the time.

I'm not angry all the time.

The other day, you went on a 40-minute rant

about how much you hate unicyclists.

I don't have a problem with unicyclists,

as long as they're at the circus.

But when you see a guy riding a unicycle

to work in the bike lane,

oh, come on, mate.

Like, that's how you wanna get to work.

You wanna get on your unicycle

and just toddle off, toddle off to work.

It takes twice as long. And all you're doing is saying,

"Hey, look, I have balance."

Oh, why don't you fucking juggle?

Why don't you start juggling on the way?

"Oh, I need to juggle, because I need to

work out my arms on my way to work because this is how--"

Emily...

I was hit by a car.

Be that as it may, I just don't see

how we can effectively move forward,

given the current state of affairs.

What current state of affairs?

You're not the same man I married.

Okay, fine, fine. You go.

But everyone is gonna say that you left me

because I have a limp.

Be that as it may.

And...and they're gonna say that you're a terrible person,

and they'll be right!

Because you are! You are a terrible person!

Emily's not a terrible person.

It's not her fault.

She didn't sign up for any of this.

And it's not my fault. What did I do?

I was just walking down the street,

minding my own business.

You know who I do blame, though?

I blame the guy who hit me with his car

and left me there for dead.

Yeah, I blame him for all of it.

So, where are the cops at with everything?

Do you know how many silver Toyota Corollas

there are in this town?

A holy fuck-ton, that's how many.

The cops threw in the towel after looking at about 500.

So, this guy just basically got away with it all.

Oh, yeah, I lost my job,

I lost my house, I lost my wife.

He's just out there right now,

living his life, happy as Larry.

He's probably laughing at me right now.

Probably not even thinking about you, bro.

Yeah, well, he fucking should be!

I think about him all the time,

every time my hip aches.

A pool. Wow. Me casa is your casa, big bro.

You can stay in that caravan as long as you need,

because the way I see it,

this is our chance to follow our dreams.

See, my dream is to build my business

into a multinational, motherfucking,

vertically integrated, blockchain-boosted beast.

Are you dealing drugs again?

You went to jail for that already, Oates.

Home detention is not jail.

Anyway, this is a whole different ball of wax.

I only accept Bitcoin now.

It's untraceable. You want to get in

on the ground floor on this bad boy.

I don't want to deal drugs with you, Oates.

Okay, but you've got to remember

that you only get one go-around.

See, you always gotta be thinking about number one.

You've gotta think, hey, what do I want?

What do I want?

What do I want, bro?

What do you want?

Revenge.

Revenge is cool.

On who?

Who do you think?

On the prick that did this to me.

But if the cops can't find him,

then how the hell are you going to find him?

No idea.

Hey...

have you seen a silver Toyota Corolla around here?

No.

Right-oh.

Hey, I'm looking for a, uh...

silver Toyota Corolla.

You wanna buy one?

Bro, that's a really common car.

Of course, I've seen a silver Toyota Corolla.

There's hundreds of them.

Well, there's no need to be--

I've seen one around those things sometimes.

Don't talk to my kids.

Toyota Corolla?

Yes. Have you seen one around here recently?

That's a very reliable car.

It is a reliable car, yes.

Can't help you.

Okay.

Hello?

I know what you search for, Dutch.

Oh, yeah?

Where is it, then?

Go to the Lyndale Athletic Hall.

There you will find what you are seeking.

Is this some sort of scam?

Go now.

I will meet you there soon.

Yo.

Here to see the unseen.

Hey!

Oh, we've booked the hall for volleyball.

We have this booked every Tuesday and Thursday.

Yeah, yeah. Sorry.

Just look on the website...