Crazy Ex-Girlfriend

- Previously on Crazy Ex-Girlfriend... - Oh, my God,

this is everything I've ever wanted.

Will... you...

Wait!

... marry...

Please!

... me?

Yes!

No!

I had sex with Tanya.

I promise it will never happen again.

You don't live here anymore.

You have been

- such a great friend. - Like a best friend.

You can say it. Just say it. Please?

This is Nathaniel Plimpton, the new owner

of the firm.

What's that guy's name?

- Glenn? - Gene.

It's George.

It's weird how good-looking he is.

You are everything I moved across country to get away from.

You're the one who put this place on our radar.

It's your fault that I'm here.

Yay for me.

Oh.

Gosh.

What was that?

Didn't you read the forecast?

The Santa Ana winds are coming.

The Devil Winds. Oh, I hate them.

They ruin my eyelash extensions.

I have eyelash-specific alopecia; you know that.

Karen, we are talking about

something important over here, okay?

Just focus...

on my ring!

Look at my ring, guys! (squeals happily)

I have a ring! A ring! See?

Uh, see?

Uh, see?

Uh, see?

It's a priceless family heirloom.

He didn't buy you a ring?

Yeah, he did buy it for me; he bought it back

from the pawn shop that I sold it to,

which is so sweet, 'cause he knew how much it meant to me.

Well, I mean, if it meant that much to you,

you probably wouldn't have pawned it.

Shh.

Look how good my ring looks on someone's face.

Blam!

I mean, you guys got engaged so fast.

But I think

- if you know, why wait, right? - Exactly.

Maybe because making a permanent commitment to someone

is not to be taken lightly.

Wow, so this is our thing now; you just say insulting things

in a calm voice, and I'm supposed to take it. Awesome.

To be fair, Mrs. H, Josh and Rebecca

have known each other since they were 16,

and they've been through a lot this last year, so...

Thank you, Matron of Honor.

See, that's how you read a room.

Don't condescend to me, little girl.

Listen, guys,

I know it seems like the proposal came very quickly,

but we haven't even set a date yet.

Good for you.

You know, I have been engaged to someone for 12 years.

Yeah,

he's doing a life sentence

in San Quentin, so...

What is going on in here?

Are you guys trying to decide

if a dead spider's a black widow again?

That was a productive Wednesday afternoon.

Hello, "Nathan-ay-El."

How are you? What's new with you?

I don't care. I just got "en-gahged"!

Is that why you look halfway decent?

'Cause usually you look like

what librarians look like in real life.

Thank you. I loved Miss Patty and her squishy tummy.

Well, condolences on the engagement.

Shackled to one person for eternity.

So boring.

The pursuit is the fun.

We're hunters by nature.

When I'm chasing a client, I'm on them 24/7.

But once I sign them, it's like,

"Quit calling me all the time.

Nobody likes a needy whore."

Who wants to talk budgets?

Ah. This must be such a romantic time

for you and Josh.

I bet you're just...

doing it all the time now, like newly engaged bunnies.

Yeah.

Yeah. It's kind of hard to walk most days.

Oh, yeah.

Feels like the carrot's still in the dip,

if you know what I'm saying.

: Yeah.

Ew. But yeah.

Yeah. Yeah.

So every time Josh touches you,

it's like total goose bumps, right?

Uh, yeah.

Yeah. Oh, my God.

He, like... kisses my neck,

and it's totally goose bump city.

Like, my skin looks like a cold, raw chicken.

Oh, I remember that

with Scott... once upon a time.

Yeah, what's going on with you guys?

You know, I mean, we're barely talking, and...

we just exchange the children like political prisoners

at a militarized border, but...

I find myself,

sometimes, looking at old photos of us

and... getting teary missing him,

like a pathetic loser.

Have you thought about calling him and telling him that?

No!

He cheated on me.

He cheat... and I, you know, I have my pride.

I don't want people thinking I'm a doormat.

No one would think that.

Whatever you decide, whatever happens,

it'll work out great, because you're smart and amazing.

Oh, thanks, babe.

: Okay.

Geez! I for one

definitely don't think you're a doormat.

Darryl, have you been eavesdropping again?

Because we talked about that.

I wasn't eavesdropping.

I was actually listening actively from afar.

- Wh... - Because I care!

Look, Paula,

I also experienced a humiliating infidelity.

I don't...

And I know what it feels like to know

that your spouse's genitals

are taking a little stroll around the block.

But I can be a good sounding board for you.

Can help you feel better.

No, thanks.

You just made me feel worse and...

a little nauseous, so...

I can do better.

There must be some sort of light to get this thing to sparkle.

Huh. It's duller than

Audra Levine's annual Yom Kippur letter.

Hey, the kids are really excited about us getting married.

Well, they thought I was 17 at first, so they were shocked.

Becks,

I'm really grateful to you for inspiring me

to volunteer at the church.

You know, you got way more

out of that Scarsdale bar mitzvah than I did.

It made me realize how much I like all that spiritual stuff.

Like basketball?

Church basketball.

- At a church. - (chuckles) Hilarious.

Hey, come here.

Okay, check out this gorgeous wedding venue in Malibu.

Isn't it amazing?

Hey, folks, Gavin Johnson here with some bad news.

Looks like we still have that pesky wind advisory in effect.

Yep, those Santa Anas are coming in,

gusting up to 35 miles per hour. (exhales sharply)

What?

So, be careful out there.

Ugh. Not this. This.

If we get married here,

dig a hole next to the chuppah,

because I will literally drop dead. (laughs)

Wow. I mean, it's pretty great.

Isn't it? It's so beautiful,

and they film movies here.

Really?

Wait a minute.

This is where they filmed the Catalina wine mixer

in Step Brothers, right?

I-I have no idea.

God, I love that movie. You know, I'm in.

We should totally have our wedding there.

Oh, my God. Um, okay, let me check the wedding calendar.

Come on, baby, come on. Mm-hmm.

Oh, no.

They are booked solid for the next two years.

Aw, bummer.

Well, we both love it, and we're not in a rush, right?

What's two years when we're gonna be married forever?

Exactly. Perfect.

Okay, I will put our name on-on the waiting list?

- Great idea. - O-Okay. Oh.

You know what? This...