Unicorn Boy

So I'm at a bit of a breaking point. I'm very tired.

I need to, like, actually feel...

like I'm changing, like I'm becoming

who I'm supposed to be.

- -

So there's another skunk in my backyard.

But the good news is that it hasn't sprayed yet.

But then, you know, I'm kind of, like,

gonna just leave it because it started

to eat all the dead cats.

And I know you're thinking, that's crazy.

Well, do skunks even eat dead cats?

Well, yeah, I didn't know either,

and then we found this out.

And at this point, I'm like, should I

get rid of the dead cats by skunking them,

or is the skunk gonna spray me

and then we have dead cats and that skunk?

It's-- and then that's not a good situation.

Did she-- did she text back?

Mm.

You-- nothing?

Yeah, I, um--

so I drew her a picture and I--

I wrote "I love you" at the bottom.

Uh... and then I drove over to her house

'cause I did it in the middle of the night and I wanted her to see it.

So I went over and I-- I left it at her door near the flowerpot,

and I also said, "Sorry for breaking up with you impulsively.

I-- I kind of-- you know, that was a mistake."

And then so I left it there.

I think her neighbors saw me, I don't know,

so I kind of ran away. I don't know if she saw it.

She didn't text me back or anything, and--

should I-- should I text her again?

I already texted her a few times today

to see if she read the letter.

Maybe I-- should I go back

and check that the letter's there?

Or should I-- I don't-- what do-- what do you think?

Um... a little creepy.

I wouldn't be texting her anymore.

Maybe just kind of let that, you know, settle.

But love is creepy, man.

You love her, then, yeah?

I think I do.

-What? - I said I think I do love her.

Oh. So that's a maybe?

Hmm.

Thank you so much.

- -

Sorry. That's mine.

- -

Okay, so little update on the situation.

Brittany just said that the skunk did run off

but that it squirted on its way out.

But-- but the smell scared off all the stray cats

that were living underneath the house

and-- which is a super big plus for me.

I'm gonna take that as a win.

- -

Oh, but-- but-- but...

it left a dead half-eaten cat underneath the house,

which is not ideal.

Oh, you know what?

I'll just let the raccoons finish it off

because the raccoons get under the house all the time.

Man, this is-- the world has a funny way

of working itself out, you know what I mean?

Don't worry, baby. The raccoons will eat the dead cat.

Love you, my sweet, beautiful angel.

Sorry if the raccoons drag any more cat guts on the porch.

I know you hate when that happens.

You are the light in my life.

Love, dead cat guts.

I mean love Sethward.

Man, I don't know how I-- I keep confusing

dead cat guts with myself.

You and Brittany are so freaking cute together.

I guess. Honestly, she smells kind of like pickles.

But you love pickles.

Yeah, but not every day.

I just wish I had a--

a pickle. I'm just a--

I'm just a dumb burrito, empty inside.

I just don't think anyone could love me.

I don't--

Are you kidding me?

I love burritos.

They're, like, one of my favorite-est food

that I've ever eaten.

Okay, you're gonna come out to my show tonight

and screen one of your weird cartoons, yeah?

Mm.

Come on, it's your favorite thing.

All your friends are gonna be there.

Sethward, I'm gonna tell you something,

and I don't think you're gonna believe it,

but I need you to because you're my friend.

Yeah. What's up, buddy?

This morning, I s--

I saw a uni--

Are you okay, Matty?

Do you-- do you believe in uni--

What's-- what's going on?

Are you feeling okay, Matty?

All right, I'll be here.

Um...

- -

Hey, um, you okay in there, Matty?

Matty?

All right, I'm not getting any response from you, buddy,

so, uh, I'm gonna have to bust down this door.

Step back.

3, 2, 1, yah!

Okay, that didn't work

because I didn't give it my 110%.

I'm gonna take a running start this time.

- -Ow!

I'm gonna use my head on this one.

Stand back.

- -Ow, my head!

Ow!

Oh, sorry, Matt.

I guess I'm not strong enough.

Doesn't anyone in here have a key to the bathroom,

for goodness sakes?

This is an emergency, code red!

My friend Matt is very saddened right now,

and he might not have fallen in the toilet and can't get out.

Oh, I'm gonna get in there if it's the last stinking thing I do.

It's all in the legs. And maybe a little in the mustache.

3, 2, 1.

- -Oh-ho-ho!

Matt, please don't be dead,

'cause then it would be my fault

'cause I'm too weak to open this door!

I'm so sorry!

Matt!

Whoa!

What-- whoa!

Ah.

Yeah.

Hi.

Whoa.

Hi.

Uh...

I said hi.

Why didn't you answer me?

Oh, sorry. Hi.

Hi.

Ah. Hi.

Oh. Hello.

What's up?

Yo.

What, you don't want in on this?

In on what?

Oh, no, thanks. I'm good.

Have a good day.

Okay.

Let us know if you change your mind.

Bye.

Yeah.

-Hello. -Hey. Yeah.

-Hi. -Yeah.

-Hey, yeah. -Hi.

-Yeah. -Hi.

Hi.

All right.

What is--

is this real?

What--

Oh, I'm sorry. Did I knock you over?

You.

Where am I?

What's going on?

Mm.

Hey, stop.