Package Deal

I'm surprised you'd show your face around here

after what you did to me last night.

What the hell are you talking about?

Oh, right. Sheldon.

I thought you were someone else.

Sheldon.

What are you doing here? Are you lost?

Do I need a reason

to drop by my favourite little tea shop?

I just came in

to take in all this... Great stuff.

And do I hear gongs?

They're Tibetan Peace Bells.

Even better!

I love the tibetans. Snappy dressers.

And you know what?

Why don't you give me a hit

of whatever you got brewing right in there?

And, man, those bells just keep on ringing, don't they?

This is from our premier line.

It's made from durian fruit.

Mm.

Yummy.

Really?

Look, I, uh... I've gotta tell ya, Kim,

this is really quite the place.

But you know what'd make it perfect?

A brand-new display case.

You know, somethin'

seven feet long,

four feet wide,

beautiful satin interior,

worm proof finish.

I'm not buying one of your big-and-tall caskets, Sheldon.

Come on! I can give you a fantastic deal.

It's a return.

A returned casket?

Look, relax. It's not what you think.

The guy was only in it, what, 10 minutes?

The tags are still on it!

Pass.

Oh, for cr...

if you come in here again, I'm gonna call the cops.

No, I'm Sheldon.

I know.

Oh. Danny's not here yet?

I'll just wait outside.

What, you don't want to join us?

Yeah, no, I'd...I'd love to,

I just thought it might be nice to stand outside in the cold.

Relax, sit down.

Ryan just found out

his ex-wife has a Wikipedia page,

and it's...

:...Not bothering him at all.

Would you look at this, please?

Oh, that's her?

Surgeon, Mountain-Climber, philanthropist.

No wonder you're still hung up on her.

I'm not saying she's not amazing.

We all know she's amazing.

This. I'm talking about this.

"After an unsuccessful marriage of five years..."

Yes! But to whom?

"Unsuccessful marriage" to whom?

No, look. You're mentioned right here.

"Romantically linked to Ryan..."

Reynolds.

Hi, guys.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Who died?

And was he fat?

And does he need a casket?

No, I was just handed this.

My new court-appointed case.

I'm supposed to defend Wayne Hilicky.

He's been charged with armed robbery.

Who's Wayne Hilicky?

That's some kid Danny grew up with.

There was a little problem with bullying.

Oh, wow!

And now you have to defend the guy

who used to beat you up?

Ha!

My bro didn't take any beat-downs.

He was the one that was doing the pounding! Huh?

Yeah, right!

Really?

You're serious?

Danny was a bully?

Well, he wasn't a bully, all right?

It was an isolated incident.

He beat Wayne up once.

A day.

For most of seventh grade.

My Danny?

What did he do? Tickle him till he cried?

Wait a minute.

You don't think Danny could be a good bully?

Danny was a great bully!

I wish he'd kept it up.

I'm not proud of it, okay?

I was going through a rough time.

After our parents died,

Danny was angry at the entire world.

But since you can't punch the entire world,

he punched Wayne.

Look, the whole Hilicky thing

is one of my biggest regrets in life.

Come on, Danny. Kids fight, huh?

I remember there was this one nerd

I used to push down into the ravine behind the school.

Took me eight hours to climb out.

I threw you a rope.

You attached it to a squirrel.

What am I supposed to do?

I mean, how can I face this guy?

He must hate me.

Danny you're looking at this all wrong, okay?

This is an opportunity to make amends.

Huh? For closure.

Or at the very least,

take another whack at him.

Look, all I'm saying

is that by helping Wayne overcome his troubles,

you could overcome your own.

Hmm? To face yourself, forgive.

Wow.

That was really profound.

Thank you. I got it off Alison's Wikipedia page.

It was an unpublished poem.

But an unpublished poem written by whom?

Wayne Hilicky?

Yeah.

I've been assigned to represent you.

You may not remember me,

but...

Well, if it isn't Danny White.

Well, come here, you!

Wow. I haven't seen you since...

Since I punched you in the nose

by the bike rack?

Ha! I guess so.

Good times.

Good times?

I ran over you with my bike.

That was wild.

I locked you in your locker.

Ah! Kids, huh?

Well, I am here to make it up to you

with the best defense you could ask for.

Why? You don't owe me anything.

It was a little pushing and shoving.

We were kids.

Really?

It's forgotten.

In fact, who are you?

I don't remember, because it's forgotten.

You don't know what a relief this is!

I wanted to apologize to you that summer,

but you never came back to school the next year.

Yeah, well, I had to spend

a little bit of time in the hospital.

Started getting these brutal headaches.

They say

it was from a blow to the head.

Like when I punched you?

What? No! Of course not.

It's from where my head hit the pavement.

After you punched me.

Oh...

But it all worked out.

After an agonizing year of recovery,

I went back to school, got myself a great job,

even got my own little cubicle.

Good for you!

But I lost it.

Due to my childhood fear of confined spaces.

Like lockers?

Huh. I never thought of that.

But then I married the girl of my dreams.

I feel like I shouldn't get my hopes up here.

She left me.

I think it was because of

my violent night terrors.

But I am not gonna let that get me down.

As far as I'm concerned,

the world is still a pretty sweet fruit.

I assume.

I lost my sense of taste with the head injury.

Good to see you again, Danny.

It brings it all back.

Yeah. Sure does.

Oh, hey, hon.

Hey, babe.

Mwah.

- What's going on? - Oh, not much.

Then who's the half-naked man

standing by the washing machine.

Oh, that's Wayne.

Hey, Danny!