Baywatch

-HEY, I'LL RACE YOU TO THE PIER AND BACK. COME ON.

-NO, THANKS. I JUST HAD A LONG SWIM.

BESIDES, I GOTTA GET HOME.

IT'S HOBIE'S BIG NIGHT TO START DINNER. -OH.

-YOU AND C.J. STILL HAVING THAT WOMEN-ONLY WEEKEND IN CATALINA?

-OH, GOD. AFTER THAT BLIND DATE THAT C.J. ARRANGED FOR ME LAST NIGHT,

YOU'D BETTER BELIEVE IT.

I JUST WANT A WEEKEND OF SCUBA DIVING AND FUN.

-YEAH. -NO MEN ALLOWED.

- WELL, I WOULDN'T COUNT ON IT. WHEREVER C.J. IS, MEN ARE NOT FAR BEHIND.

HOBIE.

-HOBIE! -OH!

HEY, DAD. DIDN'T HEAR YOU COME IN.

-NO KIDDING. DID YOU START DINNER? I'M STARVED.

YEAH, IT'S IN THE KITCHEN.

-THIS IS YOUR IDEA OF STARTING DINNER?

-YEAH, I THAWED SOME DOGS. THEY'LL THAW REAL QUICK IN THE MICROWAVE.

-WHAT ABOUT THE LAUNDRY? DID YOU START THE LAUNDRY?

-YEAH. IT'S JUST, YOU KNOW, NOT DONE YET.

BUT DAD, YOU REALLY DON'T HAVE TO GO IN THERE. DAD!

COME ON, DAD. PLEASE. WA-- WAIT.

TOLD YOU NOT TO OPEN IT.

-ALL RIGHT, LOOK... -

WE EACH HAVE RESPONSIBILITIES,

AND SINCE IT'S JUST YOU AND ME--

-IT'S NOT MY FAULT. I'M YOUR SON, NOT YOUR WIFE.

I COME HOME AFTER A HARD DAY AT SCHOOL,

AND I SHOULD BE ABLE TO DO KID STUFF, NOT LAUNDRY AND COOKING.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

YOU'RE RIGHT.

I AM?

YES, YOU ARE.

-WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FOR? -HOUSEKEEPERS.

-HOUSEKEEPERS? -LIVE-IN HOUSEKEEPERS.

- I DON'T WANT SOME STRANGER LIVING HERE.

WE WON'T HAVE ANY PRIVACY.

-NO, BUT YOU'LL HAVE HOME-COOKED MEALS, CLEAN LAUNDRY,

AND YOU WON'T HAVE TO DO ANYTHING BUT KID STUFF...

LIKE HOMEWORK.

GET UPSTAIRS AND GET BUSY.

AW, MAN.

HELLO?

YES, I'M INQUIRING ABOUT SETTING UP SOME APPOINTMENTS FOR A LIVE-IN HOUSEKEEPER.

YOU JUST WAIT. I'M TELLING YA, GETTING A HOUSEKEEPER IS GOING TO BE A NIGHTMARE.

HOW MANY MORE INTERVIEWS DO WE HAVE TO GIVE?

-WELL, THERE'S ONE LEFT, BUT SHE'S 20 MINUTES LATE.

LOOKS LIKE IT COULD BE A NO-SHOW.

-LOOKS LIKE THE NO-SHOW JUST SHOWED.

-WOULD YOU GET THE DOOR, PLEASE?

YEAH, YEAH.

-HELLO. -HI. ARE YOU HERE FOR THE HOUSEKEEPER POSITION?

YES, I'M ELKE.

-HI. NICE TO MEET YOU. I'M HOBIE BUCHANNON.

NICE TO MEET YOU, TOO.

UH, DAD, THIS IS ELKE.

HELLO.

HELLO.

I HOPE I'M NOT TOO LATE TO INTERVIEW FOR THE HOUSEKEEPER POSITION.

-NO, NO, I-- NO. UM, COME IN.

I'M MITCH. -HELLO.

YOU HAVE A LOVELY HOME.

-THANK YOU. -THANK YOU.

-I'D-- I'D LIKE SOME MORE TOO, PLEASE.

-YOU KNOW, THIS WAS MY FAVORITE DISH AS A CHILD.

MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME HOW TO MAKE IT

WHEN I WAS JUST ABOUT YOUR AGE, HOBIE.

- SHE'S GREAT, ISN'T SHE?

TOO GREAT.

LOOK AT HER CLEAN THE KITCHEN.

-SHE'S AWESOME. WE GOTTA HIRE HER.

-I DON'T KNOW. I THINK WE'D BE BETTER OFF IF WE HIRED THAT LADY, UH, MRS. JASPER.

-DAD, GET REAL. MRS. JASPER COOKS LIKE FREDDY KRUEGER'S MOTHER.

-HOW IS EVERYTHING? DO YOU LIKE IT?

-YEAH, IT'S, UH, IT'S GREAT. WE LOVE IT. RIGHT, DAD?

YEAH, IT'S GREAT.

YOU'RE A GREAT COOK.

THANK YOU.

OH, AND HERE ARE HOBIE'S HOMEWORK PROBLEMS YOU WANTED TO TEST ME ON.

OKAY.

OH, MY GOD.

SHE GOT THEM ALL RIGHT, DAD.

SHE DID?

-SHE'S THE BEST ONE. WE'VE GOTTA HIRE HER.

-WHAT'S WITH THE BIG CAMPAIGN ANYWAY?

YOU'RE THE ONE WHO DIDN'T EVEN WANT A HOUSEKEEPER.

-YOU'RE THE ONE THAT DID WANT A HOUSEKEEPER, AND SHE'S THE BEST.

SO, WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?

-EXCUSE US. I-- I'VE GOTTA TALK TO HOBIE.

MY PROBLEM IS...

MY PROBLEM IS, SHE'S JUST TOO DISTRACTING.

-YOU MEAN PRETTY. -PRETTY?

SHE'S DROP-DEAD GORGEOUS.

SHE MOVES IN HERE, I'LL PROBABLY BE DEAD IN A WEEK.

DAD...

ALL MY LIFE, YOU'VE TAUGHT ME NOT TO JUDGE PEOPLE BY THEIR LOOKS.

THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT YOU'RE DOING.

NO, I'M NOT.

YOU'RE RIGHT. I AM, AND I SHOULDN'T.

BUT SHE IS DIFFERENT.

-DAD, WOULD YOU HAVE HIRED ELKE IF SHE LOOKED LIKE MRS. JASPER?

MAYBE.

-YOU WOULD. ELKE'S SMART. SHE'S NICE.

SHE'S EFFICIENT.

YOU CAN'T BASE EMPLOYMENT PRACTICES ON LOOKS.

THAT'S JOB DISCRIMINATION.

-OKAY, I'LL HIRE HER. -ALL RIGHT.

ON A TRIAL BASIS.

-OKAY. -OKAY.

ELKE!

WELCOME TO THE BUCHANNON HOUSEHOLD.

-I'M HIRED? -MY DAD SAID, "YES."

ON A TRIAL BASIS.

THANK YOU!

-C.J., RADIO THAT COAST GUARD CUTTER.

THERE'S A BOAT ON FIRE.

-K.M.F. 295 FROM C.J. PARKER. REQUESTING IMMEDIATE BACKUP.

ROGER, K.M.F. 295.

-MOMMY! -HOLD YOUR HEAD UP, BABY!

-MOMMY! -COME ON! COME HERE!

BABY! SOMEBODY HELP ME!

HELP! SOMEBODY HELP ME! MY BABY!

HELP!

HELP ME! -I CAN'T FIND HER!

-SOMEBODY HELP ME! MY BABY! MY BABY!

-GO GET THEM! I'LL GO AFTER THE GIRL!

MY BABY! SHE WENT DOWN!

SHE WENT DOWN! PLEASE FIND HER! PLEASE!

GET HER, PLEASE!

YOU GOT IT, CHIEF.

JUST RELAX. I'VE GOT YOU.

-NO! NOT ME! I'M A LIFEGUARD! THE VICTIM'S DOWN HERE! COME ON!

GO DOWN AGAIN.

PLEASE!

OH, MY LITTLE GIRL! -WE GOT YOU.

-OKAY, YOU READY? -YEAH.

ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR, FIVE.

ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR, FIVE.

ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR, FIVE.

ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR, FIVE.

-OKAY, SWEETHEART. YOU'RE GONNA BE FINE,

AND YOU'RE PARENTS ARE FINE, TOO.

-WAY TO GO! GO, ROGE! LET'S GO!

-OKAY. OH, MY GOD. -MY NAME'S ROGER LAWRENCE.

-STEPHANIE HOLDEN. -SOME WAY TO MEET, HUH?

-OH, MY BABY! -

GOD!

-GUNNER? -HOLD ON, NOW. SWITCH TO TECH CHANNEL THREE.

WE'VE GOT THEM ON RADIO NOW. -

-COME ON, WE'LL GIVE YOU A LIFT BACK TO YOUR BOAT.

OKAY.

-WELCOME ABOARD. -THANK YOU.

YOU TWO HEADED FOR CATALINA?

-CRYSTAL COVE. WE'RE GOING TO DO SOME DIVING.

-IT'S A GREAT SPOT. WATER'S WARM AND CLEAR. IT'S REALLY GREAT.

-AND WE'RE TAKING OUR MID-PATROL BREAK IN CATALINA, SO MAYBE WE COULD DIVE TOGETHER.