Teachers

But when World War II ended, and the men came home,

most of the women were forced to leave their jobs

and go back to being housewives.

Like Geena Davis in "A League of Their Own'?

Very good, Danny. And while we're on that topic,

in the movie, Dottie dropped the ball on purpose.

That's a fact, and it will be on the test.

What? I'm pregnant.

I have stopped responding to anyone on OkCupid

whose profile pic isn't a photo of their abs

taken in a bathroom mirror. It's called respect.

Have you found a stomach you like?

Actually I found three.

Wowee! How are you gonna choose?

I'm not. I'm too good not to share.

Monogamy is for ugly people.

Well, be sure to save some time for your BFF.

Hot Dad's working for Animal Rescue Without Borders.

He's going to Venezuela all summer

to save stray foreign dogs.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, Venezuela? You should be worried, girl.

Venezuela is full of hot, sweaty, Latin women.

But I'm a cold, clammy, pale woman.

Ready for lunch? I hope you don't mind.

I invited my Spanish tutor. This is Estrella.

- And where are you from? - Venezuela.

And there, she's like a four.

Congratulations!

Who told you idiots?

I text with some of the popular kids in your class.

What? We get each other.

How could you not have told us?

We have to throw you a baby shower!

So, are you going to keep teaching,

- or are you retiring? - Uh, chill, Stepford.

I'm not retiring. This isn't the 1940s.

Happy retirement day, mother to be.

Aw, you girls are top notch.

I'm sorry I wasn't able to bake you a cake,

but I couldn't get any sugar because of the rations.

- I blame the Nazis. - We all do.

Debbie, you're so lucky you're gonna be a mother.

Any of us would gladly trade places with you.

I will! I'll do it!

You seem down in the dumps, Mary Louise, what's cooking?

I can't stop thinking about Hot Diggity Dad.

He's shipping out with the 8th Division this weekend

and I'm worried he's gonna forget about me.

Oh, he'll be back soon. And then you can get married,

pregnant, and leave work forever.

It's what every girl wants.

Give me one more on the kisser, soldier boy.

- I'm gonna miss you, Chels. - You're the only fella for me.

You know that, right?

I'm gonna write you a letter every day.

Gee, that's swell. And when I'm

storming the beaches, it's gonna be your pretty mug

I'll be picturing as I slaughter the enemy.

Oh, that's so sweet.

Well, I've got a little something

to help you remember my pretty mug.

This is just for you.

You're aces, kid.

Hey, Cecelia, can we gab for a second?

- Sure. What's eatin' you? - I'm having

these strange feelings, and you're the only one

I feel comfortable talking to because you wear pants.

I know exactly what you're gonna say,

and it's not too late.

I know a doctor who can help you.

You just have to go to the alley behind Main Street...

What? No!

- I want to keep the baby. - Oh.

I'm having second thoughts about retiring.

I know women are supposed to only want to be mothers,

but I really love teaching.

- Am I nuts? - No, you're not.

Plenty of other women feel the same.

Other mothers enjoy working?

- But I feel so guilty. - Don't worry.

Things are changing. 75 years from now,

I bet we'll have a woman president.

Well, if she's more qualified

than the man she's running against,

how could she not win?

Cut the music, Spinnoli! For Pete's sake, Chelsea!

The Fillmore Fillies are a trio, not a duo.

We're supposed to be practicing the choreography

- for our show tomorrow! - Yeah, how many letters

are you gonna write to that soldier anyway?

Oh, I'm not writing just one soldier, Anna Jane.

I'm writing a whole bunch.

- You Sheba. - Oh, pipe down.

I'm just doing my part for the war effort.

And how exactly is that helping the war effort?

By keeping up morale. After these guys see a photo

of me in my bathing suit, a German tank

could roll over them, and they'd crawl out

from under it to get back to me.

- Photos keep 'em interested? - Yeah.

You gotta show him something he's never seen before.

Now finish your lickin' so we can get back to rehearsing.

Oh, I am never done lickin'.

Chelsea!

Principal Pearson, I've given this a lot of thought,

and I'd like to keep teaching at Fillmore.

But you're,

- you know... - Pregnant?

There's no need to be crass, Mrs. Adler.

What about after your baby arrives?

How exactly will you manage to work and raise a child?

Well, my husband's a musician.

I know, and we hired you despite that.

He works nights, so I thought he could take care of the baby

during the day while I work.

Your husband? Taking care of your baby?

So your child will sit in its excrement and urine

for eight hours until you come home?

My husband could change the diapers.

Enough of this nonsense!

The Fillmore Code of Conduct explicitly states

that no woman who has children shall be allowed to teach.

Principal Pearson, I'm a swell teacher.

- And just because I'll have a... - It's forbidden!

Our Code of Conduct says no, and that's the way it is.

Same goes for sodomy.

Listen. I'm a man.

If we know anything, it's what's good for a woman.

Just looking out for you and your baby's best interest.

Here. Have a Scotch.

I can't believe I let you talk me into wearing a tie.

Who are we? Cecelia?

Everybody, shut your traps!

The mail just came and you all need

to watch me open it.

Gee whiz!

Take a gander at this!

A plane named after me!

If that doesn't scare the Nazis, I don't know what will.

Another plane named after you?

You practically have a whole squadron.

You've gone khaki-wacky, Chelsea.

What are you gonna do when these soldiers come home

and find out you're a real tramp?

Look out, Rita Hayworth.

There's a new star in the sky.

Wasn't that the cat's pajamas?

Next up, on Freedom Radio, "Don't Leave Me empty-handed,"

by The Bonobo Orchestra.

There's my cookie.

Hot Diggity Dad.

Holy mackerel! A picnic? For me?

Yes! I just realized

how much I'm gonna miss you when you ship out.

Are those cheese sandwiches?

Oh, boy, these look delicious.

For you.

Mary Louise, what are these?

Parts of my body you've never seen before.

You know, for you to look at while you're away.

Holy mackerel!

- Is that your... - Elbow.

Is something wrong?

Didn't realize you were ready to show me...

all of this.

Now that you're going away so soon, I am.

That's your elbow, huh?

- You sent for me? - Mrs. Adler...

after our disturbing conversation yesterday,

I thought a medical professional should counsel you on your...

- you know, your... - Pregnancy?

Please stop using that word.

Hello, Mrs. Adler. My name is Dr. Lennon,

and I'm an obstetrician. Do you know what that means?

Of course. I'm not a dummy.

Oh, we've got a real quick one here, Toby!

Yes, she's a real pepper pot.

I hear you've been talking gobbledygook about wanting

to return to work after giving birth.

That's right.

You're not using logic right now.

That can happen when you're sauced on hormones.

No, I'm thinking clearly.

I can work after having my baby.

Sure, until one day you're standing in front

of your class and your uterus falls out.

You don't want that, do ya? Think of the children.

That's a drawing.

You'd be a lot happier if you thought less.

Have you ever considered a lobotomy?

Make sure her husband gets this.

- Will do, Doctor. - Hmm.

And don't forget to shake those gams at tonight's dance,

where our very own Fillmore Fillies

will be singing for our brave boys overseas.

So he didn't like the photographs?

- You think he's a queer? - Oh, applesauce! I hope not.

Hmm.

Abner! I said eyes to the corner!

You gotta do something more drastic.