Parks and Recreation

.

I GOTTA SAY,

THIS REPORT IS QUITE IMPRESSIVE, MS. KNOPE.

- OH, WELL, THANK YOU VERY MUCH, MR. CITY MANAGER.

AND I HAVE TO SAY THAT THE WAY

THAT YOU'RE ROCKIN' THOSE SLACKS

IS QUITE IMPRESSIVE AS WELL.

WELL, THANK YOU.

CAN WE HURRY THIS UP, PLEASE? - WHAT?

THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH ACKNOWLEDGING

THE FANTASTIC WORK OF ONE OF YOUR EMPLOYEES,

ESPECIALLY IF SHE'S ADORABLE.

- I AM BACK AT THE PARKS DEPARTMENT,

AND BEN IS CITY MANAGER,

BUT WE'RE MARRIED, SO IT'S KOSHER.

AND AWESOME. WE LIVE TOGETHER...

- AND WORK TOGETHER. - AND WE ARE SO...

both: IN SYNC...

- THAT WE FINISH EACH OTHER'S...

SENTENCES!

WE REHEARSED THAT AT HOME.

NAKED IN BED.

- WHAT! - WHAT!

PLEASE STAMP THE FORM.

- I JUST WANT TO ADMIRE IT ONE MORE TIME.

AGAIN, FANTASTIC WORK.

IN FACT, SUCH GOOD WORK...

I THINK I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU.

- OH, MY GOD, THAT'S GREAT NEWS,

'CAUSE I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU TOO.

- WHAT? - WHAT?

STAMP THE FORM.

- OKAY, LET'S NOT LET RON FEEL LEFT OUT.

WE LOVE YOU TOO, RON.

- STAMP THE DAMN FORM. - GROUP HUG!

- OH, I'M DOWN FOR A GROUP HUG.

LITTLE G.H. - BRING IT IN.

COME O--

WOW.

I THINK OUR LOVE MADE HIM ANGRY.

- I THINK HE BROKE MY WRIST. I'M NOT KIDDING.

REALLY?

*

GOOD MORNING, ANN PERKINS.

HOW ARE YOU FEELING TODAY?

PERFECT.

EXCEPT THAT I'M A WHALE AND THAT MY FEET ALREADY KILL.

- WHALES DON'T HAVE FEET.

I AM A CRAZY SHAPE.

THIS MORNING WHEN I GOT OUT OF BED,

I JUST TIPPED FORWARD

LIKE A POORLY MADE BOWLING PIN.

DID I MENTION THAT MY FEET KILL ME ALL THE TIME?

OH!

LET ME RUB THEM.

OH, WAIT. NO.

THAT THERE'S A PRESSURE POINT IN THE FOOT

THAT COULD INDUCE LABOR.

- OH, IT DOESN'T MATTER. I DON'T CARE.

I'M GONNA GO CHOKE DOWN THOSE HORSE PILLS

I HAVE TO TAKE EVERY DAY.

- OH, NO, NO, I'LL CUT THEM IN HALF FOR YOU.

AND I WILL POUR YOU A GLASS OF FLAXSEED MILK

TO WASH IT DOWN.

EVERYTHING IS AMAZING.

TODAY IS PERFECT, AND I LOVE YOU.

CHRIS IS SO WONDERFUL

AND THOUGHTFUL AND POSITIVE.

HE'S DRIVING ME UP THE WALL.

SMOOTHIE'S READY!

- OPENING THIS FARMERS MARKET

WAS ONE OF MY GREATEST ACHIEVEMENTS AS CITY COUNCILOR.

IT'S GOOD FOR THE ECONOMY,

IT'S GOOD FOR FAMILIES,

AND IT'S GOOD FOR PROMOTING A HEALTHY LIFESTYLE,

WHICH PAWNEE DESPERATELY NEEDS.

LOOK AT THIS TINY TREE.

CAN YOU EAT THIS?

AWW. THIS ONE'S DEAD.

HEY, CONNIE CABBAGE.

WHAT'S GOOD TODAY?

- GREEN CABBAGE IS ALWAYS A SAFE BET.

RED CABBAGE IS GOOD.

I MEAN,

YOU CAN'T GO WRONG.

THAT'S THE FUN THING ABOUT CABBAGE.

ONE OF THE FUN THINGS.

OH!

- TIME TO CRANK THIS MARKET UP A NOTCH, Y'ALL!

- "CHARDBODIES: GET A CHARD ON"?

- LET'S GET "RE-CHARDED" IN HERE!

- WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON? - OH, YEAH.

THAT'S THE NEW CHARD STAND.

I SUPPOSE THAT'S ONE WAY TO SELL VEGETABLES.

- WE GOT SWISS CHARD, WE GOT WHITE CHARD,

WE GOT CHARD POPPERS!

AND FOR ALL YOU FREAKY VEGANS OUT THERE...

WE GOT CHARD SHOTS!

YEAH!

MMM, CHARD IS SO BITTER.

BEN, DO SOMETHING.

- WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?

- WELL, YOU'RE THE CITY MANAGER. KICK THEM OUT.

THEY'RE VIOLATING EVERY SINGLE ONE

OF THE FARMERS MARKET'S RULES OF CONDUCT.

BY "RULES OF CONDUCT,"

DO YOU MEAN THAT WOODEN SIGN YOU MADE

THAT SAYS, "PEAS BE KIND TO OTHERS"?

- YES, AND "IN CASE OF FIRE, ROMAINE CALM,"

AND "YOU WON'T BAY LEAF HOW NICE OLIVE OUR VENDORS ARE."

I DON'T LIKE VEGETABLES,

BUT I'M VERY GOOD AT VEGETABLE PUNS.

- OKAY, I ADMIT THIS IS A LITTLE IFFY, BUT...

- A LITTLE IFFY? - I CAN'T DO ANYTHING

UNTIL I CHECK THE RULES FOR CITY VENDORS.

CABBAGE!

COME AND...GET IT.

CONNIE, NO.

PUT THOSE AWAY.

- * APRIL'S SITTING ON MY LAP *

* I SHOULDN'T TELL HER THAT I GOTTA TAKE A CRAP *

* OH, NO

- DON'T. - * I SHOULD JUST GO

- OH, MY GOD. YOU PLAY GUITAR?

- NO, THAT'S A SUPER SMALL PIANO.

- OKAY, I'M GONNA NEED THE SARCASM

TO TAKE A LONG WALK RIGHT NOW.

MY TERRIBLE NEPHEW SEBASTIAN

IS HAVING HIS SIXTH BIRTHDAY PARTY THIS WEEKEND,

AND THE CLOWN THEY HIRED HAS SHINGLES.

- - YOU THINK YOUR BAND COULD PLAY

FOR AN HOUR?

- HOW MUCH? - 75.

$75,000?

HOW ABOUT 300?

$300,000?

- 150. - THEY'LL DO IT.

- AH, THANK YOU. THAT IS SUCH A RELIEF.

I LOVE MY NEPHEW VERY MUCH,

BUT HE'S A HORRIBLE LITTLE TYRANT,

SO DON'T RUIN THIS DAY FOR HIM!

150 BUCKS?

SPLIT THAT FOUR WAYS, BOOM.

$600.

THE MEN'S ROOM NEEDS

A SEPARATE DISPENSER FOR FACE WASH.

I CAN'T WASH MY FACE WITH HAND SOAP.

LOOK AT THESE PORES. THEY'RE GAPING.

- HEY, GUYS. - TIME-OUT.

LET'S TAKE A BRIEF RECESS.

CAN WE HELP YOU, ANN?

- I WAS LOOKING FOR LESLIE, BUT NOW I'M CURIOUS

WHY YOU GUYS ARE SITTING AROUND DOING NOTHING

AND GETTING DRUNK AT WORK.

- IT'S THE WHINE & CHEESE CLUB, GORGEOUS.

IT'S A MONTHLY GATHERING

WHERE WE ALL GET TOGETHER AND VENT

ABOUT WHAT ANNOYS US AT WORK.

- OVER FINE WINES AND CHEESES, OF COURSE.

LARRY, SALAMI!

THE HUMAN RESOURCES DEPARTMENT

REQUIRES THAT I BE AVAILABLE ONCE A MONTH

TO DISCUSS WORKPLACE DISPUTES WITH MY EMPLOYEES.

THE RULES DO NOT SPECIFY

WHETHER OR NOT I'M ALLOWED TO LISTEN

TO WILLIE NELSON ON MY HEADPHONES.

- AND KYLE PARKED HIS CAR IN MY SPOT AGAIN.

NOW, THAT IS THE FOURTH TIME THIS MONTH.

* HELLO, WALLS

- * HELLO - * HELLO

- * HOW'D THINGS GO FOR YOU TODAY? *

- I JUST WANT TO CHOKE HIM UNTIL HE PASSES OUT.

- TIME. - THIS LOOKS LIKE FUN.

I WANT TO TRY.

- MM, THERE'S RULES TO THIS, SWEET PEA.

IT'S DONNA'S TURN NEXT.

I'LL CEDE MY TIME TO ANN.

I HAVE A FEELING THIS IS GONNA BE GOOD.

- OKAY, WELL, I'M NOT GONNA TALK FOR LONG,

'CAUSE I HAVE TO PEE AGAIN,

'CAUSE I HAVE TO PEE EVERY SIX MINUTES,

'CAUSE I HAVE A BEACH BALL IN MY STOMACH

THAT'S PUNCHING ON MY BLADDER.

- THAT SUCKS.

- I KNOW. AND I'M NEVER NOT HUNGRY.

- OH, WELL, HAVE SOME CHEESE. - I CAN'T HAVE CHEESE, LARRY!

AND I CAN'T HAVE WINE EITHER.

I CAN'T HAVE ANYTHING GOOD.

YOU KNOW, WHAT I CAN HAVE IS LIQUEFIED FLAXSEED.

BUT I DON'T WANT THAT. YOU KNOW WHAT I WANT?

PORK RINDS. I WANT JELLY BEANS.

AND I WANT A HUGE TRASH BAG FILLED WITH MASHED POTATOES.

I WANT TO BE PAC-MAN,

AND INSTEAD OF DOTS, I WANT 'EM TO BE CINNAMON BUNS.

I WANT TO BE A GIANT HEAD AND A MOUTH,

AND I JUST WANT TO EAT ROWS AND ROWS OF JUNK FOOD PELLETS,

AND WHERE'S MY TRASH BAG OF POTATOES?

TIME.

YIKES.

- OKAY, HARRISON FORD MOVIE NIGHT.