About a Boy

- Whoo! - Whoo!

What are you doing?

Uh, well, certain financial realities

are starting to settle in,

so I am making some serious lifestyle changes here.

Usually I spend about 300 bucks a pop

on pre-distressed denim,

but I can easily just do it myself, as you can see.

Wait, you spend $300 on destroyed jeans?

Not destroyed. You know what?

I'm not gonna even explain to you

the subtleties of urban fashion.

And oh, my God.

Are you going to pick your son from school,

or are you performing in a slutty nutcracker?

I don't know what you're... what does that mean?

If I were trying to look a bit alluring,

would this be a good look, would it?

I know what's going on.

Oh, don't be ridiculous.

I bet it's that frilly teacher of Marcus'

who was all up in your pantaloons

at Marcus' play.

Am I right? Am I right?

- Am I right? - Oh, God, yes, you're right.

Good for you.

Put it out there, you little strumpet.

I have been putting it out there ever since we kissed.

You guys have kissed? Eww!

God, you're so annoying.

Why don't you just ask him out?

I can't do that.

I can't ask him out. I'm a girl.

I think it's sexy when a girl asks me out.

It means she's confident.

Well, okay. I can be confident.

- Yeah, you can. - Yeah, I can...

- I can go for what I want. - You can go for what you want.

I can exude a luscious, sexual energy

no man can resist.

That is so gross. We are done here.

Here we go.

[Brett Dennen's Comeback Kid (That's my dog)]

I'd say if you want to focus on the other two paragraphs,

probably be a good bet, okay?

- Good job. - Chris.

- Fiona, hi. - Hi.

I was wondering if you'd like to go out with me sometime.

Oh, I...

Oh, no, of course you don't. No, it's fine.

It's fine, it's fine. Of course, I understand.

Obviously a man, if he wants to ask a woman out,

he asks her out,

so I'm terribly sorry for putting you

in this awkward position,

and thanks for letting me down gently.

- Good day. - Fiona.

I have wanted to ask you out ever since we kissed.

I've been reticent to do so because I don't want

to overstep my bounds, being Marcus' teacher and all.

- You did want to ask me out? - Yes, very, very much.

- Okay. - Okay.

But since you asked me out, I'm stepping up.

I'm planning everything. Are you free tomorrow night?

Tomorrow? Um...

Yes, tomorrow.

Are you okay?

No, I just have to go and see someone about...

this thing keeps happening with my eyes.

It's wet eye syndrome.

I'm sorry.

Dakota. Hey.

Just giving the old bimmer a little bath there.

- Yeah. - Oh, shirt got a little wet.

- Whoopsie. - I see that.

Fiona's just waiting for me to do yoga,

so, namaste.

Hey, a little bit piece of trivia crossed my mind.

Your year of abstinence, that's coming to end

right about now, isn't it?

Not that I had a Google calendar alert set or anything.

- Yeah, thank you. - Yeah.

My nomadic year just ended,

and I feel really good about it,

like I finally understand my true worth as a woman.

That's awesome.

I'd really love to hear more about that.

Do you want to come over tomorrow night?

I want to be wooed, Will.

Well, I'm the master of woo.

You've never even asked me out on a real date.

- That can't be right. - That is exactly right.

Okay, well, then fair enough.

Listen, I'm gonna upgrade our booty call

to a woo-Ty call.

What?

I was combining the booty with... never mind.

Tomorrow night, you are coming over,

and I am going to woo

the crap out of you.

Fine, you get one night.

Stop looking at my butt.

Okay.

- You cried? - Yeah.

See, I don't understand.

If he said yes, why were you crying?

I don't know.

It's been a long time since a man looked at me

the way he looks at me or planned a date for me.

He makes me so nervous,

I'm gonna do something mortifying

and tank this date.

No.

Unless you come with me.

Yeah, that way, you know,

if I'm gonna do something mortifying,

like blubbering, you could stop me.

Of course, of course. When's your date?

- Tomorrow night. - Pardon the intrusion.

But I just wanted to give you a little pre-woo

of the woo-nami coming your way tomor-woo night.

Did you say tomorrow night?

No, I said tomor-woo night.

I'm adding "woo" to stuff.

It's really not that charming at all.

We're all going on a double date tomorrow night.

Isn't that gonna be so fun?

So fun.

We are not going on a double date.

That beautiful woman has spent an entire year

coiling herself into a tight spring

of sexual frustration,

and I will be damned if I let some other dude

bounce her first.

- Reschedule right now. - No!

Chris has already planned a beautiful evening.

It's a hike to a picnic.

Oh, a hike a picnic!

All right, look, we're both adults here.

This is ridiculous. We can coexist on a date.

- We just need ground rules. - Okay, fine.

If I'm making a move on Dakota, you stay out of my way.

Got it.

Rule, Don't make fun of my clothes.

Don't comment on my game with Dakota.

Don't make fun of my hair.

Once you're all comfortable with Chris,

you cut Dakota and I loose.

Don't make fun of my jewelry.

Blanket rule, I won't make fun of you.

Okay, good.

Okay, those earrings look like creepy, tiny, weird hands.

You're basically a vapid walking haircut.

I just had to get that out of my system.

Yeah, me too.

Hey.

Look at this. Better call the booty police.

- Don't. - Got to say,

this pregnancy, it's really filling you out

in all the right places.

- Hello, Andy. - Marcus.

Kind of let me get a little more of that out

than you probably should have.

Yeah, it was uncomfortable for me too.

- What's he doing here? - Fiona's busy.

So I said Marcus could spend the evening here with us.

Well, a heads up would be nice.

Ha, it's gonna be great.

- It's been too long, buddy. - What do you mean?

- I saw you yesterday. - You did?

When you says "see," he means "see"

in, like, a broader sense,

so like, "I see a vision of world peace."

That's what he means.

No, I mean I saw you yesterday,

'cause you were playing video games with Will.

Remember?

You kept screaming, "I am the lord of hand grenades!"

You were supposed to be minivan shopping yesterday.

I was minivan shopping yesterday.

I was doing research.

Ooh, that was a major DTL, wasn't it?

- Marcus. - What's a DTL?

Well, DTL is "don't tell Laurie."

Now that I hear it out loud,

DTL itself may be a DTL.