The Hollywood Knights

Hey, gang, it's Surf Sam on KBLA.

We're just hours away from Halloween night, 1965.

I see that the hangout for the Hollywood Knights, Tubby's Drive-In...

is coming down tonight.

Fellas, don't get bummed out. Remember.. A friend with weed is a friend indeed.

3:29, Beach Boys time.

Man, she saw it. That's great.

What are you doing over there?

I'm doing Dr. Eisner's new facial exercises.

It's wonderful. It keeps your skin circulating. It keeps you young.

It's a bear-lion. You go--

- Doesn't that stretch your skin out? - No, it's circulation. It's great.

It keeps you young, youthful, gorgeous.

- I'm gonna tie my suit to the chair. - Why?

The last time I did that, my tits peeled so much I went from a "B" cup to an "A."

What's that clicking noise?

It's a camera.

You little creep!

What is that? What are you doing?

What are you, crazy?

I'll sue you for trespassing!

Clark, we got a couple of party boys here who love to scare old ladies.

You don't have to work for Scotland Yard to know about this.

- A potato? - In the tailpipe of the chief s car.

Get down!

Look what we got here. Empty egg carton. That tell you anything?

You boys making omelets? What are you laughing at?

You know what I'd like to do to you now, Newbomb?

I'd like to kick the crap out of you.

What's the problem, Officer?

We got it taken care of, sir. Everything's fine.

- No problem. -Just got some punks out here.

Wake up, Bimbeau. I want you to get something straight.

I don't need the captain all over my butt about some rinky-dink drive-in.

Do me a favor, Bimbeau. Don't aggravate the situation.

Everything's under control, Sarge. It's okey-dokey.

Besides, Sarge, as a matter of fact...

if any of those little assholes get out of line, I'll kick the shit out of 'em.

That's exactly what we don't want, Bimbeau.

The drive-in's coming down.

They'll all be gone tomorrow.

We don't need police brutality. Got it?

- Hear that? - Right. Yeah.

Bimbeau, what in the hell is that?

No, no. Here!

Not that house. People have been bad there.

- Mooning! - Mooning!

Mooning, Mr. Katzenberg. Absolutely.

We've all had these disgusting experiences...

with these Hollywood Knights...

and I give you my word...

tonight is the last night the Hollywood Knights...

will ever be in Beverly Hills again.

Isn't that wonderful?

I want to send my husband Jack's apologies to all of you.

He was real sorry he couldn't be here tonight.

He'll be at the pep rally later giving the awards...

and we'll see him at the dance.

What's the song he's got now?

- "Tijuana Taxi." - With the horn honk at the end of it.

What is that supposed to be?

That's popular music.

Where's the story in "beep-beep"? I'll tell you what popular music is--

I know what popular music is.

Starting tomorrow, today will be history--

Horseshit!

Nevans, there's some distracting noise in the kitchen.

Could you see what that is?

That's the Beverly Hills Police Department.

- They're out there with Juanita. - Bullshit!

Take care of it.

I'll see if I can't quiet those people down.

Anyway, Tubby's Drive-In.

This social disease of our neighborhood...

it's enjoying its last night of residence in Beverly Hills.

I knew you'd all be pleased, because all of our--

Thank you.

And one year from today...

this beautiful...

office complex...

will be standing in the old Tubby's Drive-In's place.

I assure you that you and none of the rest of you...

have to worry about the Hollywood Knights any longer.

We won't be hearing from them again.

Go, go, go, go, go!

- I'll get it. -Juanita's busy.

- I'll get the door. It's fine. - No, really, I--

- Well, all right. - Why not?

I need you.

Stand back. Stand back.

Get it! Get it out!

Oh! It's dog shit!

It's dog shit all over you!

Mrs. Freedman!

I'll kill you! I'll kill all of you!

Juanita, get out here!

Shit.

They finally come.

Nice to see you. Nice of you to come.

Hey, where is everybody?

No problem. I spoke to Wheatly. He'll be here in a minute.

I was talking to Red.

They've been here about 21 years.

He's thinking about moving to New Jersey.

You know, this is compliments of the Beverly Hills Assholes Association.

All the flatheads forever are showing up tonight.

Mr. Wheatly, nice of you to join us.

How you guys doing? Shorty, what's going on?

- Where you been? - Kicking some ass.

- You were kicking ass? - He was kissing ass.

We got all our cars here tonight? Except one.

Yeah, Simpson, when you gonna bring your rail job?

This is the last night.

Where is this flying Purple People Eater you been talking about?

Relax. I gotta wait till my old man goes to sleep so I can wheel it out.

You want me to follow you home? You might be a little nervous.

Everybody is showing.

There is gonna be a ton of lead sleds in the block tonight.

Everybody's gonna think we're a bunch of '50s queers.

How long you got your brother's car?

- For as long as I like. - Sure.

Newbomb, I saw your brother. He's a monster.

Do I look worried?

I see that worried look upon your face

You've got your troubles

I've got mine

- What? - How would I look in a mustache?

- I'd look better than I already do. - Perfect. Perfect jerk.

Jerk? Good-lookin'.

Just like the guys we bust every night.

That's perfect for you.

Lawrence Lawrence of Arabia

He's an English guy

He came to fight the Turkish

Okay, Clark, right there. That's what I'm talking about.

"Lawrence of Arabia" doesn't have any lyrics to it.

- What do you mean, no lyrics? - It's music. Music.

I've seen the movie four times.

And there were no words to it.

There are no words to that! Did you hear what I was singing earlier?

Somewhere I know that somebody, I think, wrote lyrics to this song.

- Horseshit. - Horseshit?

Horseshit. There are no words to it.

Kiss my ass. All right?

Do the fake mustache, mark off another spot and that'll be your ass.

You want me to put an "X" on my ass? You can find it that way.

Pull over. I gotta take a squirt.

These guys are lucky we're leaving them in Watts.

Last year we left them in a bad neighborhood.

These guys are punks.

When I became a Knight, I had to climb a greased pole with eggs up my butt.

I know. You should suffer.

Let's go, guys. Out, out, out.

Everybody out. It's initiation time. Let's go.

- Come on, man. - Let's go.

This is not a party. You want a party, come back after initiation.

Get against the car. Outta sight.

- Okay, drop 'em. - What?

- Get your clothes off!. - Strip, man!

- You should be proud to be Knights. - Don't give me that look.

You're lucky. We used to tar and feather the pledges.

Wheatly, look. That looks like a penis, only smaller.

Hey, listen, go in the back there.

I want the tires out of the truck, the clothes in.

What are we gonna do with the tires?

Here's the plan: I want to see you and the tires back at Tubby's at 2:00.

If you're not back by 2:00, I don't want to see you back at all.

Because at 2:00 I expect to hear the dedication over the radio...

that you've delivered the message to the deejay at the record store.

Are we set there, gentlemen? Very, very good.

Gentlemen, good-bye, good luck. Think of this as a great adventure.

It's Halloween, jack-off. Let's have some fun.

Take off your shorts!

- They're gonna leave us naked in Watts? - Where's the record store?

Come see me, I'm broadcasting live...

from Music City in the heart of Watts tonight.

Guess who's coming in now? It's time for Dr. J. All right.

KBLA and Surf Sam getting up and making way for who else but Dr. J.

Thank you, my man Surfin' Sam.

Hey, Dr. J., KBLA, Halloween night, 1965.

The funkiest you have ever heard.

I'm gonna hit you hard with "Sherry" by the Four Seasons right now.

- What time is it? - 8:30.

- Maybe the chicks aren't coming. - Shut up!

This is our secret spot. Nobody knows about it.

Stop worrying. We're alone. Nobody knows we're here.

I can't believe we're doing this.

If my mom ever found out I was changing into this outfit, I would just die.

My God.

Don't forget to take your bra off.

- I read about a new bust exercise. - Really? Where?

In Vogue magazine.

Especially from Europe. I paid six dollars for it.

Does that feel good. Freedom at last.

I'd hate to get caught without a bra in a car accident.

Oh, is this exciting.

- My pants are too tight. - Take your underwear off.

What's wrong with you? Hurry up and change before somebody does come.

- I'm ready. - We gotta hurry to the pep rally.

Watch out!