Monsters at Work

Well, Professor Knight, how'd I do? (PANTING)

"How'd you do?"

Not even James P. Sullivan himself ever scored this high.

-Wait, really? -You're quite the Scarer, Mr. Tuskmon.

Thank you, sir.

And when you get to Monsters, Incorporated...

Oh, the screams you generate alone will power half of Monstropolis.

You mean if I get to Monsters, Incorporated.

No.

When.

-What's, uh... -Go on. Open it.

"Dear Mr. Tuskmon.

"Monsters, Incorporated is pleased to offer you the position of Scarer."

-(LAUGHS) Straight to the top! -(MUMBLES)

"Please arrive Monday morning at 9:00 a.m. to receive your scare assignment.

"Sincerely, Henry J. Waternoose III, CEO, Monsters, Incorporated."

-I did it. -You're gonna be a Scarer!

I'm gonna be a Scarer.

I don't know what I'm gonna do now.

We scare because we care. Or maybe we don't scare.

Or actually, we don't scare at all, but we do care!

-So it's true? No more scaring? -Do I still have a job?

Can Laugh Energy power cars, warm homes and light the city?

-Talk to Ms. Flint. -(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)

-We're screwed. -Yes, ma'am.

But I don't want things to change.

Says here kids aren't toxic if you touch 'em.

What if they touch you?

I assume you still burst into flames and die of barfing, like always.

Oh, schmoopsie-poo!

Googly Bear! Thank goodness you're here.

-I need you to... -Isn't this great?

The factory's still open, nobody's out of work,

no angry mob, and you know the best part?

We can go back to Harryhausen's?

-Me and Sulley are banned for life. Oh...

The best part is, I get to flex my funny bone!

They have to overhaul this whole place for laughs.

Listen, you're both wanted in Waternoose's office.

-Stat. -Waternoose?

They carted that old crab away yesterday.

It's not Waternoose who wants to see you.

Boys, we need to talk.

Oh, Roz, what an unpleasant surprise.

I had a little debrief with the Board of Directors,

and they wanted me to relay the news.

They're putting you two in charge.

-(CHUCKLES) -You're kidding.

That's what I said.

But, Sullivan, you're officially the new Monsters, Inc. CEO.

-And, Wazowski, you're the... -Wait. I got this.

Senior Co-President of Monsters, Incorporated.

and Chief Executive Vice-Deputy Administrative Director

of Comedy Resources Management,

or, SCPOMICE-VDADOCREM for short.

My work here is done.

Well, adieu, Roz. True friends never say goodbye, so... goodbye.

Can you believe it, Sulley? We're in charge. You and me!

One last thing. The Board promised to give my sister my old job.

She'll be in later. Good luck.

She's not bubbly like me. (LAUGHS)

That has a sister?

-Us in charge. -(CHUCKLING) Yeah.

You heard right, we're in charge, Floor Supervisor Celia.

(CHUCKLING) What? Really? -Yeah, yeah.

"Floor Supervisor"? Me?

The first order of business should be your long overdue promotion.

Everybody, get back to work!

-I'm practicing my Floor Supervisor voice. - (GLASS SHATTERS)

-Oh, my gosh. I'm... -Goodbye! (KISSES)

I could get into this being-in-charge thing.

Not that I'd use it for personal gain.

How much should my raise be? What about a company car?

-You know, nothing... -(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)

There won't be any raise or car if we don't keep the power on.

Let's get to the Scare Floor.

-Laugh Floor. -"Laugh Floor." Right, right.

And we need to find a couple hundred more funny monsters.

Plus, we're gonna need a new slogan.

Let's see... "We clown around to power the town."

-No. -"We are funny to keep the lights runny."

Keep trying, Mikey.

How about this one...

"We scare because we care."

Mornin', coworker.

-Hey, nice cone. First day as a Scarer. -Hmm.

Or your last.

(OVER PA SYSTEM) Attention Monsters, Inc...

Wow, I can't believe I'm actually here.

Hello? Oh.

Monsters, Incorporated. This is Celia Mae. I no longer answer the phones. Goodbye.

-Hi, there. Excuse me. -Here's my coffee mug.

-Now here's my... -Uh. Tylor Tuskmon. Official Scarer.

What? "Scarer"? (CHUCKLES)

No, I'm sorry, talk to the receptionist.

-I thought... -I'm the Floor Supervisor!

Then who's the... Okay, thank you.

-Hi. -(GRUNTS)

If I were Ms. Flint's office, where would I...

-(GRUNTS) -Got it.

Take your position on the mark in front of the closet door.

Then proceed to perform your humorous dissertation

or series of physical buffooneries for the artificial child.

The metrics of your performance will be measured by our humor gauge

as well as our power gauge,

which indicates the amount of gigglewatt energy produced.

-Is that clear? Uh, hi.

-Excuse me, Ms. Flint? -Uh-huh. Take a seat.

-I'll be right with you. -Okay, got it. Thanks.

Hey, there. (CHUCKLES)

Um... Maybe I can tell you a joke?

-(SIGHS IN EXASPERATION) -Okay, a joke, a joke.

Uh, how do you make a monster float?

One monster, two scoops of ice cream, and some root beer.

Ta-da!

Funny! Tickle tickle. Four years of training at Ghoulliard. (CHUCKLES)

Uh... Oh. Whoops!

Oh, I'm feeling sick.

Maybe I'm missing something.

-Um, that's Ted Pauley. -Sorry, I broke your child.

That's one of your top Scarers. I've had his Scare Card since I was a kid.

He's not funny. He's scary.

Who are you? You're not on my roster.

Tylor Tuskmon. New Scarer. It's my first day.

-Just need my scare assignment. -Tuskmon. Well...

Ms. Flint, are you ready for me? I brought a peeled banana

and this flower that emits liquids and...

Yes, come in, Miss Benitez.

I'm very busy, Mr. Tuskmon,

but seeing that we hired you before the change,

-you'll report... -"The change"?

...to new employee orientation.

This is Monsters, Incorporated, where we scare because we care.

Actually, we don't scare anymore.

Now we're laugh power. Sorry about that.

Every day on each of our state-of-the-art Scare Floors...

-Laugh Floors. -...our elite team of Scarers...

Jokesters.

...help support the mission of our esteemed CEO's...

No longer esteemed.

Headed off to the big house.

...mission, to create scare energy...

Laugh.

-...and scare power... -Laugh.

-...by scaring... - Laughing!

You know, forget it. Let's just move on.

Wait a minute. You're saying you're no longer hiring Scarers?

What skills do you have besides scaring?

With those horns, maybe you could be a hat rack.

-No, I... That's... -Yeah, too tall.

-No, I don't wanna be a hat rack. -Plus, you could only hold two hats.

-It's impractical. -That's not...

-Umbrella hanger? -Is this a joke?

Would you say you could hang forty umbrellas up there?

Is this a prank?

This is not a laughing matter.

Or, rather, it is a laughing matter.

My folks scrimped and saved, working in our family hardware store

so that I could go to the School of Scaring.

Your parents own a hardware store?

-Yeah, but that's not the... -Perfect! Report to MIFT.

Door division... Control Room A-L... I don't see MIFT.

Uh...

Tylor?

-Uh... -Tylor Tuskmon, right? Am I right?

Those horns, dead giveaway, 'cause they're so...

-Yes. Sorry. Do I, uh... -Val Little.

Monsters University. Freshman year.

We had that Origins of Fear class together. Yawn.

-Origins... -Yawn.

Yeah, I guess, it was just such a large class.

You work here? When did you graduate?

College was an interesting detour.

Too much of a commitment.

Not really the whole regimented,

stuffed-shirt, college-scene type of gal. (GAGS)

Well, what've you been up to?

Graduating from college.

-Good for you! -Yeah, it's great.

Except for the loan debt, right? Ka-ching!

For you it'd probably be like ka-ching, ka-ching!

'Cause you graduated. For me it was like ka-ching.

And the fact that this place is no longer hiring Scarers.

I mean, I got this letter saying that I was gonna be a Scarer,

but now they've assigned me to, what... MIFT?

"MIFT"? (GASPS)

That's where I work! Hop in, I'll take you!

This is crazy. I drop out of college, you graduate from college,

and we both end up working at the same place.

-Cosmic. -Well, that's one way of describing it.

Hold on, that's a Scare Floor.

-Laugh Floor now. -Right, Laugh Floor.

Beep, beep, beep.

I removed the beeper so I could make the sound. (CHUCKLES)

-Where are we going? -We're going down.

Huh?

Yeah, after MU, I lived in the Scarribean for a year.

Island time. I made wind chimes out of scream shells, didn't sell.

All that screaming...

-(MIMICKING SCREAMING) -(ELEVATOR RUMBLES)