Monty Python's Flying Circus

And now...

It's...

Monty python's flying circuses.

The adventures of biggles.

Part one:"biggles dictates a letter. "

Miss bladder, take a letter.

Yes, senor biggles.

Don't call me "senor"!

Or group captain biggles

Or mary biggles if I'm dressed as my wife

But never senor!

Sorry.

I've never even been to spain.

You went to ibiza last year.

That's still no grounds for calling me senor

Or "don beeg-les," for that matter.

Right. dear king haakon...

"of norway," is that?

Just put down what I say.

Do I put that down?

Course you don't put that down!

Well, what about that?

Look!

Don't put that down.

Just put down... wait a mo, wait a mo.

Now, when I've got these antlers on...

When I've got these antlers on

I am dictating

And when I take them off, I'm not dictating.

"I'm not dictating."

What?

Read that back.

"dear king haakon, I'm not dictating.

What?"

No, no, no, no, you loopy brothel inmate!

I've had enough of this.

I'm not a courtesan.

Oh, oh, courtesan-- oh, aren't we grand?

Harlot's not good enough for us, eh?

Paramour, concubine, fille de joie--

That's what we are not.

Well, listen to me, my fine fellow

You are a bit of tail

That's what you are.

I am not, you demented fictional character.

Algy says you are.

He says you're no better than you should be.

And how would he know?

And just what do you mean by that?

Are you calling

My old fictional comrade-in-arms a fairy?

Fairy! poof's not good enough for algy, is it?

He's got to be a bleedin' fairy.

Mincing old r.a.f. queen.

Algy, I have to see you.

Righto.

What ho, everyone.

Are you gay?

I should bally well say so, old fruit.

Ugh! dear king haakon...

Oh. dear king haakon

Just a line to thank you for the eels.

Mary thought they were really scrummy, comma

So did i, full stop.

I've just heard that algy was a poof, exclamation mark.

What would captain w.e. johns have said, question mark.

Sorry to mench, but if you've finished with the lawn edger

Could you pop it in the post?

Love, biggles, algy deceased, and ginger.

Ginger?

What?

Rhyming slang-- ginger beer.

Oh.

Ginger.

Hello, sweetie.

I have to see you.

Yes, biggles?

Are you a poof?

I should say not!

Thank god for that.

Good lad, stout fellow, salt of the earth, backbone of england.

Funny, he looks like a poof.

Dear princess margaret...

Hello.

Get back in the cupboard, you pantomimetic royal person!

Lemon curry?

Dear real princess margaret

Thank you for the eels, full stop.

They were absolutely delicious

And unmistakably regal, full stop.

Sorry to mench, but if you've finished with the hairdryer

Could you pop it in the post?

Yours fictionally, biggles.

Oh, p.s.-- see you at the saxe- coburgs' canasta evening.

That should puzzle her.

Si, senor beeg-les.

Silence, naughty lady of the night!

Next week, part two: "biggles flies undone. "

Ugh!

Meanwhile, not very far away...

Climbing-- the world's loneliest sport

Where hardship and philosophy go hand in glove.

And here, another british expedition attempting to be

The first man to successfully climb

The north face of the uxbridge road.

This four-man rope has been climbing tremendously.

Bbc cameras were there to film every inch.

The major assault on the uxbridge road has been going on

For about three weeks

Really ever since they established base camp

Here at the junction of willesden road.

From there they climbed steadily to establish camp two

Outside lewis's, and it's taken them another three days

To establish camp three here outside the post office.

Well, they've spent a good night in there last night

In preparation for the final assault today.

The leader of the expedition is 29-year-old bert tagg

A local headmaster and mother of three.

Bert, how's it going?

It's a bit gripping, is this, chris.

I've got to try and reach that bus stop

In an hour or so

And I'm doing it by... damn...

I'm doing it by layback up this gutter

So I'm kind of guttering

And laying back at the same time

And philosophizing.

Uh, bert, some people say this is crazy.

Aye, well, they said crippen was crazy, didn't they?

Well, crippen was crazy.

Oh, well, there you are, then.

Eh, john? I'm sending you down

This carabiner on white.

Lemon curry?

Now, you see, he's putting in a peg down there

Because I'm quite a way up now

And if I come unstuck here

I go down quite a long way.

Such quiet courage is typical

Of the way these brave chaps shrug off danger.

Like it or not, you've got to admire

The skill that goes into it.

Oh, it's terrible up on deck.

Up on deck?

Yeah, on deck it's diabolical weather.

Uh, what deck, dear?

The deck-- the deck of the lifeboat.

This isn't a lifeboat, dear.

This is 24 parker street.

This is the newhaven lifeboat.

No, it's not, dear.

You're right.

This isn't a lifeboat at all.

No, I wouldn't live here if it was.

Do you mind if I sit down for a minute and collect my wits?

No, you do that.

I'll make a nice cup of tea.

Thanks very much.

Ooh, it's a wild night up top.

Your turn on deck soon, charlie.

It's not a lifeboat, frank.

What?

What do you mean?

It's not a lifeboat ;

It's this lady's house.

Captain! captain, ahoy there!

Ahoy there!

Ahoy there!

Ahoy there!

Captain!

Who's that shouting?

There's a man outside number 24.

Try it on the five-inch, gladys.

I cant, I've got that fixed on the baileys at number 13.

Their new lodger moves in today.

All right, hold 13 on the five-inch

And transfer the cartwrights to the digital scanner.

Oh, okay.

Hold on! mrs. pettigrew's coming back from the doctor's.

Ooh, bring her up on two.

What's the duration rating on the oscillator?

48.47.

Well, that's a long time

For someone who's just had a routine checkup.

Yes, her pulse rate's 146.

Ooh, zoom in on the 16-mil and hold her, enid.

Roger, gladys.

I'll try and get her on the 12-inch.

Move the curtain, enid.

Thank you, love.

Yes, it's one of those self-righting models.

Newhaven was about the first place

In the country to get one.

What's the displacement

On one of them jobs, then?

Oh, about 140, 150...

Who's for fruit cake?

Oh, yes, please.

Yes? right, macaroons...

That's two dozen fruit cakes, half a dozen macaroons.