The Sum of Us

Let's go!

Ah, here we go.

Jeff, Jeff, Jeff, Jeff.

Oli! Oli!

- First time Dad took me to Gran and Aunt Mary's

for my holiday, I was, I don't know, eight or nine.

And I remember playing footy with Gran

and my cousins, in the front yard.

You know those days when everything's perfect?

One of the greatest afternoons of my life.

You see, Gran would form us all into one team,

and she'd be the other.

It amazes me to think of the hours

and hours she'd spend playing with us.

She never seemed tired.

Later in the afternoon, she'd play Ludo,

or Snakes & Ladders, or Tiddlywinks.

I used to love those games with Gran.

She used to keep an old Monopoly set

hidden under the stairs,

because Mary wouldn't let her play.

You see, real strict Salvation Army, Mary was.

I mean, Gran, too, but just not as bad as Mary, you know.

This one time, Mary went out for a while.

And the minute she's out the door,

Gran whips out the old Monopoly board.

Not a word to Mary, she says.

That was the best game of Monopoly I've ever played.

Like me and Gran were doing something really naughty.

Really wrong.

Fire and brimstone stuff, you know.

Some people may think that those days with Gran and Mary

had a bad influence on me.

Could be right.

After all, I still play footy.

Stick your friggin' shoulder in his ass!

Watch it.

Only doing what he wants.

Easy!

Jesus, you blokes!

What do you think you're doing?

Come on.

Oh, go on, get out of here.

Go on.

G'day, mate.

You're a woman of the world, Gert.

What do you reckon?

- Are you thinking of getting hitched again, Harry?

Just looking.

I'm fucked.

What was that?

I said I'm rooted.

- Stopped off for a quickie on the way home, did you?

- God, you're off sometimes, you know that?

Put a dirty meaning on everything.

Not lasagna again?

Are you going senile or something?

Mashed potatoes and veggies.

- We've had it three times this week, already.

Why can't we have a nice leg of lamb?

We haven't had a roast for yonks.

Things aren't so wonderful when

you're cooking, you know.

Sausages and chips are a real treat,

when you're in the kitchen.

I did that nice chicken curry last week.

So hot it blew the roof of my mouth off.

- Oh, I'm sorry if you can't stand a little

imagination in my cooking.

I'll stick to frozen lasagna, from now on.

How long is it gonna be, anyway?

Nearly ready.

I'll just grab a quick shower.

- Why do you always decide to take a shower,

just as I'm about to dish up?

Just as I'm about to put the food on the table...

You don't expect to sit down all sweaty,

and smelly like this...

Why not?

Doesn't usually bother you,

unless you're going out.

Are you going out?

Well, as a matter of fact, I am.

I thought I'd just pop down to the pub,

for a couple of beers.

All right?

Got a date?

- Can't a bloke go out for a drink on a Friday night,

without you making a lifetime romance out of it?

You dish up.

I won't be two ticks, all right?

He'll be back in a minute.

You had a shower then, did you, Dad?

Yes, yes I did.

- You didn't turn the taps right off, again.

Is that right, son?

- Every time I go for a shower, the taps are dripping.

Now, I know you don't turn them right off because you think,

you're saving the washers.

But mate, I've told ya, that's what they're for.

And I'm a plumber.

I can change 'em.

And a few flamin' washers are a damn sight cheaper,

than the water rates.

It drives me mental, Dad.

You know, it does.

If I've asked you once, I've asked you thousand times.

Turn the fucking taps off!

Yes.

Thanks.

Sorry.

Very much.

I will try.

He's very wrought up.

He only ever mentions that when he's wrought up.

He must think he's meeting Mr. Right, tonight.

He won't be eating any Sara Lee.

You're probably wondering about that.

About him meeting Mr. Right.

Well, might as well get it out into the open,

as the actress said to the bishop.

He won't be meeting any girl tonight.

He's what you might call cheerful.

Can't bear that other word.

Some of you will be going,

tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, probably.

Can't see why, though.

He's a good, honest lad, with a heart

as big as Western Australia.

And he's as much a friend as he is a son.

He's a good mate.

Mind you, he can be a nightmare to live with.

Come on, your dinner's on the table.

You didn't do the laundry.

Sorry, I forgot.

Well I need a pair of socks.

I can't go bloody barefoot.

Well, whiz down to the shop and buy

yourself a pair of pantyhose.

Ha, ha, ha.

Very funny.

Suppose I could wash a pair of mine and dry 'em in the oven.

- Oh yeah, and the house will reek of burnt nylon,

like it did last time.

Come and eat your dinner.

Yeah, yeah, two ticks.

- I wouldn't want you getting the wrong idea, though.

Two blokes living alone together.

It's only him.

I'm not that way inclined.

Regular lady's man, me.

Always have been.

When I was his age, I was a right little rooter.

Rabbit, they called me.

'Till I met his mum, that is.

No more fooling around, after that.

I was faithful to her from the day I met her.

Because I knew I was one of the lucky ones.

I knew it was love.

- These jeans all right, or should I wear the white ones?

- How many pairs of my socks did you borrow?

I can almost see your religion.

Yeah, well, if you've got it, show it.

Haven't got that much to skite about.

Well, Harry, size isn't everything!

It's what you do with it that counts.

His mum always said that to me.

What's that for?

That's not spaghetti, you know.

Don't wanna get my new shirt dirty.

Have you actually met this young man?

Or is there some young fella wandering around Sydney,

who doesn't know you're about to happen to him tonight?

- We've said g'day a few times, down the pub.

Ah!

Courting?

No, Dad, not yet.

But you never know your luck in a big city, though.

Are you sure about this, Mum?

No, Jenny, I'm not sure at all.

Do you want me to come in with you?

No.