How I Met Your Mother

Kids, sometimes when you're about to give up

on your love life forever for the 17th time,

destiny intervenes.

Instead of rushing in, I took my time

to think up the perfect opening line.

Wait, no, damn it, come back! You're really...

You're pretty!

And before I could call out after her,

in any kind of embarrassing way

that a bunch of teenagers made fun of for the next five stops

while I stared straight ahead and pretended not to hear them,

she was gone.

But here's the thing about Ted Mosby:

he doesn't give up.

Stalker Ted alert.

Repeat, Stalker Ted alert.

Already has a yellow legal pad going.

Repeat, already has a yellow legal pad going.

I'm not stalking.

I just jotted down a few details

to help me find her.

Uh, like the fact

that her smile was cute,

but a bit crooked,

which can be a sign of teeth grinding.

So I called up the city's

top five TMJ specialists,

and here's where it gets interesting.

Not interesting, Ted, creepy.

Let her go.

No, this is destiny.

No, Ted, this is forcing it.

When Lily and I met, I mean, that was destiny.

She could've knocked on any door

to find someone to fix her stereo,

but she knocked on mine.

Now hand over the pad.

Ted...

And the backup pad.

They were right.

You can't force destiny.

If it's gonna happen, it's gonna happen.

And funny story, kids...

Oh, my God.

It's you.

...it happened.

== sync, corrected by elderman ==

Subway Girl's name is Jeanette,

and she does grind her teeth.

I assume that started the moment she met you?

Uh, well, the fact is

she wanted to find me.

The first thing I did

was list out all the details

I remembered about you.

Is... is that a yellow legal pad?

Yeah.

I've even got a backup.

Oh, my God.

You had a tweed blazer

and chalk all over your hands,

so I figured you were either a professor

or a British gymnast.

: I'm bloody good on the pommel 'orse.

Regrettin' this accent.

Can't seem to stop.

So then I asked the lady at the student center

where I could find the youngest,

cutest professor on staff.

And...?

She sent me to a physics class.

Professor Leyborne?

I wonder if she'd think Dr. Goodhair was so cute

if she knew he hasn't been published in over a year?

Then she sent me here,

but the security guard wouldn't let me in

without an ID.

I was about to give up

when the fire alarm just sent you out.

It was like...

Destiny.

Right? Right?

It's a meet-cute.

It's a stalk-crazy.

Look...

there's a fine line

between love and insanity.

It's...

the Dobler-Dahmer theory.

Oh, no...

Damn, I always forget the little one. All right.

If both people are into each other,

a big romantic gesture works.

Like Lloyd Dobler holding up the boom box

outside Diane Court's window in Say Anything.

But if one person

isn't into the other,

the same gesture comes off serial-killer crazy,

or Dahmer.

Now, Marshall, the story of

how you asked out Lily is super sweet.

I will-y.

Dobler.

But if Lily wasn't into you?

Dahmer.

Whether a gesture's charming or alarming

depends on how it's received.

And I was charmed by Jeanette finding me,

hence... she's a Dobler.

Don't you think it's a little convenient

how that fire alarm happened to randomly go off?

What are you saying?

Ted, does she have enormous cans?

No. Then what we're saying is

she's a crazy stalker bitch who pulled that fire alarm

and you should run screaming.

You know what?

I-I don't think

that we should be so cavalier

with the word "stalker."

Why does that word bother you so much?

Doesn't bother me.

Wait... do you have a stalker?

I don't want to talk about this.

What do you mean?

As your fiancé, if you have

some psycho stalker out there, I should know.

It was me.

I was a stalker.

It was back in Canada.

I liked a guy

and he didn't like me, and...

well, I got a little obsessed.

I'd fill up my journals all about him,

and eventually there may have been

a teensy-weensy 50-meter restraining order.

50 meters?

That's like...

four years.

Wow.

You must have been a total nutbag.

I wasn't.

Ted is right,

there is a fine line.

Anyone can cross it and get obsessed.

Yeah, if you're a total nutbag.

Now, uh... who's the guy?

I'm not telling you until you admit

that this can happen to anybody.

I'm not admitting that.

Fine. Forget it. I'm not telling you.

Fine. Forgotten.

"You are so beautiful.

"Why can't you see me?

"Someday, I'll make you see me

"and we'll be together.

"P.S. I love you.

"P.S. I love you. P.S. I love you.

"P.S. I love you.

"P.S. I love you. P.S. I love you.

: P.S. I love you, you, you."

This is "ridikilus."

Who cares who she was obsessed with?

What, am I gonna go to Canada and track this guy down?

Thankfully,

unlike Uncle Barney, I wasn't the kind of guy

to fixate on one little detail.

That fire alarm-- did you pull it?

Ugh...

This is embarrassing.

I wasn't gonna tell you this, but...

I'd come so far,

only to be sent packing by that security guard,

and... well...

I'm sorry.

I just couldn't stand the idea

of not meeting you.

Could not

stand the idea

of not meeting me.

Was it a little

over the top to pull that fire alarm? Perhaps.

But it charmed me.

Hence... Dobler.

Aha! You see?

People don't put fire alarms

out in front lobbies for just anyone to prank pull.

They put smoke detectors

up on the ceiling.

Hold on.

I'm beginning to think that you guys didn't come here

to see my new lectern.

Are you implying Jeanette started a fire?

Dahmer.

Dobler.

She's John Cusack,

I'm Ione Skye,