Workin' Moms

Previously on "Workin' Moms".

- Mommy, you're bleeding. - Shit.

What a waste of my goddamn time.

You think I liked driving you around,

with your Hermes cologne?

Frankie, there have been a few complaints.

So you're officially on bed rest.

I don't do bed rest.

Sometimes you gotta do something crazy

to remember who you are.

Stop bragging and pierce my goddamn nipple.

I think I need to leave my husband.

The stork is taking you to Montreal.

Thank you, Val, it's very... sweet.

What's sweet? I can't see anything.

How's it going over there, Annie?

What's wrong with Anne?

Uh, she's like bleeding, she's on bed rest.

My ass is numb, I smell weird

and my brain is reeling.

God, not having clients really sucks.

Like I thought about what I'm having for lunch today

four times - tuna fish sandwich.

Wait...

Hang in there, mama. It's only temporary.

Yeah, temporarily ruining my life.

I gotta say guys, I'm seriously considering an abortion.

Crap, did this thing freeze?

Oh, no, we're still here, Anne.

Just it sounded like you said

you were thinking about an abortion.

Uh, yeah, that's 'cause I did.

I think we're all just a little taken back.

Well, I don't get it, it's only another six months?

I mean, I was on bed rest my last pregnancy

and I kind of enjoyed it.

Aren't you a dream?

The thing is, it's not just six months.

It's the fact that our money is tied up in god knows what;

Lionel, while adorable,

is about as predictable as a baby boy's pee stream,

and frankly, sometimes it feels like this pregnancy

might be killing me. Hey, I'm sorry, Kate,

this day is supposed to be about you.

Yes, Kate! I'd love to change the subject.

Let's talk about this new job of yours.

Oh. Well, I'll be handling the largest account at Gaze,

so it's kind of a big deal.

Wow. Woo, this is more fun to talk about!

You know what won't be fun? Mommy and Me without you.

Sorry, you just go to Montreal

for training or something?

Uh, no, it's a total re-brand,

- the job would take place there. - For how long?

- Three months. - Three months?!

Wow, uh... isn't that like a six hour drive?

- Or a one hour flight. - Alicia, I'm sorry,

doesn't your husband work in Alaska half the year?

- Yeah, so? - So?

So it's different because he's a...

Because he's a what, a he?

- Busted! - Uh-uh.

Yes! In your face, Alicia!

Yeah. It's raining me! Yeah!

- Ooh. - Oh.

You sure I should wear this?

You know these kids don't appreciate business casual.

A well-shoulder-padded blazer is our greatest weapon

in this world.

It's like I'm married to Joan Coosack.

Okay, it's 'Cusack', But it's-that's fine.

So how are you feeling?

Yeah, Yeah, We're probably gonna be fine.

Probably? How you expect me to leave

if you say something like that?

Okay, I'm sorry. It's gonna be great.

Maybe you guys could go for a walk?

- Yeah-yeah, for sure. - Yeah?... Wait, no.

The traffic on our street has been too crazy.

Maybe you could cook something?

- Something cold? - Honey,

please don't treat me like one of your special needs kids.

Okay, we're gonna be fine. You're gonna be fine.

We, we won't leave. Snow day!

Woman 1: I'm not afraid of you.

Guess what girl? What did you just say to me?

- I am not afraid of you. - Um, I made this for you.

What?

- I made it. - It's a get-better card.

That's me, that's baby Jaime,

those are the clouds and that's a tree.

Yeah, that's really cool.

And he's so brown and blobby.

Yeah, that's daddy.

Yeah, that's totally what he looks like.

Thanks.

Mmm.

Isn't it beautiful?

All right, well maybe don't look at him.

That's a lot.

Hey lady.

She made me a card.

She loves me.

- I'm the worst. - Who, Alice?

That's great. Why do you sound traumatized?

I don't know, maybe we are connected.

You know, just in our own fucked up way.

Honey, this is good news. Why aren't you happy?

I'm thrilled for you.

I know, but I'm freaking out, Kate!

- Can you come over? - Um... okay, yeah.

Charlie you wanna go see Auntie Anne?

Yeah, this park's the worst.

I'll see you soon.

What are you doing, fondling yourself?

No, it's this nipple ring. Still hurts.

Then why don't you take it out?

No.

It's like the one part of me that's not a wife and a mother.

Gross. What are you doing tonight?

I don't know, being a wife and a mother?

I'm going to The Silver Dollar Room.

They have extra cheap drink specials,

and they have these underemployed hipsters

who try to have their way with you.

It's so pathetic. You wanna come?

Mm, I don't know if I'm in the mood.

Want a front row seat to my life?

Sure.

- Hello? - Oh my God, babe, babe,

- babe, you're gonna... - What?

Are you listening? I got the greatest news.

- Calm down. - I can't understand you.

I have a meeting with a producer

who's interested in "Father Daze"!

So you're just gonna write a whole movie?

Well, yeah.

Jenny, it's kinda in the job description,

You know, as a screenwriter. Why you dumping on this?

I'm not. I'm sorry. That's... that's great.

Hey, let's celebrate tonight - you and me.

I'll order Swiss Chalet and we can slow-bone

while we watch TV.

Um, I can't, Ian.

What? Why?

It's this work thing. It's a charity event

for millennials... seeking employment.

Yeah, okay fine.

Well, you know what? That's okay, it's, uh,

it's good material for the film, all right?

Stay at home dad, dinner for one...

and a half.

Great. Yeah. Happy to help with the material.

I'll be home later.

Love you.

Oh.

"The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up".

Yeah, Well, Rhodes, it appears other mommy

wants us to do some light reading.

Hmm.

You all right, buddy?

What are you doing?

Let me in your car.

- You're on bed rest, dude. - Dude.

Don't "dude-bed-rest"-me, right now.

I gotta get out of here.

C'mon I can't breathe. Please.

Yes.

Here we go.

And... bed rest.

Are we even moving?

Hey, I picked you up, okay, don't push it.

So, where to?

You wanna treat or something, you want a Diary Queen.

Take me to an abortion clinic.

- Psshh. - I'm serious.

Really? Like, really?

Get your eyes on the road.

Look, I just wanna go to see how I feel when I get there,

okay?...

Please.

Okay, I will take you to an abortion clinic,

but this is a sight seeing mission only.

- Yup. - All right.

You are gonna need to start driving faster,

it feels like we're moving backwards.

You should not even be out of the house, okay?

I'm taking it slow.

I would like to get there before I have this baby.

Okay, so where is this place, anyway?

I don't know. Why do you think I would know that?

Because you asked to go to one.

Yeah, but I've never actually been to one.

- Have you been to one? - No.

- You know what? - I'll just Yelp one.

You're gonna Yelp an abortion clinic?

- Yeah, of course. - I guess you're right,

you can sorta review anything, right?

I wonder the kind of complaints an abortion clinic gets though.

Like, one star! Still pregnant!