Vampires

three years ago, our company was contacted to shoot a documentary

on belgium's vampire community.

Intrigued by this bizarre request, we sent out a film crew.

good night. come in.

hey!. shit!

- hey, wait! what's going on?! - what's happening? fuck!

It didn't work out.

after several months of silence, we were invited to make another attempt.

we sent out a new crew.

all right! Iet's go!

you have no idea how excited the kids are to meet you!

we'll behave, I promise.

our father who art in heaven,

hallowed be thy name, thy kingdom come...

the crew never came back. -thy will be done...

I can't do it.

we spent the next two years trying to negotiate sending another crew

under perfectly safe conditions.

this new documentary is dedicated to'.

and to jerome's arm.

they gave their life to make this film possible.

- I'm here with my crew... - good night. I was expecting you.

as agreed. right...

well, come in, don't just stand out here. make yourselves at home.

we're not used to having human guests... not like this anyway.

this is the kitchen, where we make meals.

It's a perfectly traditional kitchen.

nothing unusual... follow me. we'll go to the living room.

the fridge.

the meat...

she takes care of today's administrative stuff, which is over our heads.

and ronald, the clown, who used to own this house.

- he's still with us. - what is it? the new delivery?

samson!

- this is the film crew. calm down. - Is this really necessary?

It's all right, bertha. my son, samson. my wife, bertha.

go back and play.

- dad! - and grace, my charming daughter.

I keep filing my teeth, and they keep growing back! always!

grace, we're vampires.

are you humans?

our neighbours... they live in the cellar.

there you have it. Iet me point out a couple of things...

the next time you come, please avoid wearing perfume.

we hate the smell. also, try not to have cuts or bruises.

It makes samson particularly aggressive these days.

grace, I need to have a word with you. go upstairs. come on.

please make yourselves at home.

my name is George Saint-Germain.

I have an amazing wife named bertha, and two children.

samson, who's even more sensitive than me.

he's a tremendous ball of nerves.

and grace... grace, who wants to be like you!

- she's bothered, right? - don't cut...

you can put it back, sarah, just put it back.

come, sarah.

- no! - we can't go on without that.

her name is sarah?

that's sarah...

- no, we have to... we can't go on. - we can't go on this way, no...

It's not good. not good. sorry.

- sorry. - who is that girl behind you?

could you tell us about her? tell us about the girl you call the meat.

right... the meat.

I'll tell you...

the meat, in the fridge... It's wonderful...

we give her food to eat. Iots!

beef stew... she eats her beef stew...

then we take her out of the fridge.

Vincent, it's... delicious!

So, on special occasions, we take her out,

and... It's delightful.

warm blood every night.

Breakfast...

what did you do before?

I was a prostitute.

this is familiar to me, really.

all the families have their meat.

all the vampire families have someone like you...

that they eat, partially.

why is that? do you taste especially good?

apparently, yes. I'm luxury meat.

good night, ms bertha.

good night, mr george.

mr george!

I can't drink this, it's too hot.

samson!

grace!

- she's such an ugly child, george. - good night.

- what the hell are you doing with that? - I'm putting on a tan.

does my hair look oK?

no.

asshole.

the light, goddammit!

well, here, we're in the room where we all sleep.

my relationship with my parents is pretty bad at the moment.

I really think my mother hates me.

I don't know why, but she really doesn't love me.

bertha and I aren't very authoritative.

In fact, I don't care if she always dresses in pink.

I just find it funny.

she's such an ugly child, though.

and she wears pink!

It's just a teenage thing. It'll pass. she wants to be human!

what are you doing, grace?

samson, could you please unhook me, instead of gawking? It's so unpleasant.

samson!

samson! jerk!

oK...

I don't know why I do it...

But I think I'd like to die.

I mean, like you.

All this is really boring, you know. we have no limits, nothing.

You humans do all kinds of things because there's death at the end of it.

I mean, this life is deadly boring.

grace!

fuck!

yes, come in.

- good evening. good night. - good night.

- come in. - thank you.

careful, the stairs are steep.

welcome!

here we are... this is my husband, bienvenu.

my name is Elisabeth nabowski.

I was born in 1 860 and I was made a vampire in 1 885

in lyon, by count josef nabowski,

my father.

I was a modest intern in a laboratory in lyon.

I delivered blood samples to louis pasteur

for his experiments.

and that's where I met my wife, and mother...

Elisabeth.

we've lived here for a few years now.

and, well, we keep things as best we can...

small belongings from our victims,

because we are quite sentimental.

aren't we, bienvenu? that's right.

so here's a little memento from the first baby...

my first baby, my first victim...

a little bib. Isn't it cute?

what have I got in here?

this is from my first virgin, on her wedding night.

I come from the nabowski family,

from a long line of hungarian vampires, like they don't make them any more.

they are well-known for choosing their victims with great care,

according to their carnation, skin elasticity...

I learned biting in the purest tradition.

a little molar... what a lovely keepsake.

great memories...

we'd love to keep more objects...

we'd like to have more souvenirs but...

right, we're a little cramped for space.

we keep piling things, but we'd like to have more room.

but... we're glad you're here.

we're very respectful of our neighbours. they're...

well, there's no problem, but they don't respect us.

we've been cooped up in the cellar for years now.

It's high time we get to live upstairs.

because upstairs... I don't know if you've seen...

It's terrible what goes on up there.

there are no boundaries, no rules, nothing.

and proper, well-behaved people like us are trapped in the cellar like savages.

you think that's normal, Elisabeth? that we have to sleep this way?

Iike this? Is that normal? Iook at this! Iook!

this is what we're reduced to. Iook!

there! sleep well standing up, do you? would you sleep well this way?

tell them, Elisabeth... tell them how well you sleep!

well, yes... It's hard.

yes, it's gotten quite hard.

It's too small here.

george, what are you waiting for?

I'm waiting for the delivery. It's almost 1 0pm.

stay there. you'll see... you're gonna see human rights in action.

here they are!

- good evening. - good night.

here, I brought your sausage.

Iisten, those illegal immigrants, are they always black?

well, they're all black. what do you want us to...?

why did you bring me here?

don't worry. we're here to help.

- you understand what he says? - of course, I do.

- anyway, thank you. see you next week. - right, see you next week.

go on in!

- good night. - good night.

belgium is such a great country.

right, come on.

stay there.

here you are, you'll be fine here.

Everything is easy here.

pretty weird, right? but really great!

this is the land of plenty. Everything is possible here.

organised crime, terrorism... we have illegal aliens delivered to our door.

and we put them in the coop, upstairs. the coop.

did you see it?

the coop, upstairs.

you can put a lot of meat in the coop.

damn, david, look over there.

the other way.

Iet's get out of here!

- wait! we should film this! - forgive me.