The Marriage Ref - First Season

Tonight on the marriage ref...

One of the kings of comedy, cedric the entertainer!

I don't know why you screaming for him--he married, okay?

Martha stewart!

She should think of maybe

Putting a, you know, pole in the bedroom.

And jason alexander!

Ugh.

They've never been together before,

And they'll never be together again.

Oh, yes!

All kinds of animal harnesses and things.

Martha stewart!

That's gonna make tiger woods look like a beginner.

This isn't normal.

These guys--really, they are the costanzas.

Do you have problems with light-fingered dinner guests?

- Somebody took a pepper mill. - Did they bring it back?

I called them.

Martha's stewart's a bad-ass, though, you know.

I'm changing my vote!

Now here's the marriage ref, tom papa.

Hi, welcome to the marriage ref.

I'm tom papa.

Tonight we're gonna watch real couples

In the middle of real-life arguments.

And we're gonna give them the two things they really want--

A winner and a loser.

So the way this works is we watch each couple,

I discuss the issue with the panel,

They try and sway me in favor of the husband or the wife,

And then I make the call.

You ready to go?

All right, for our first stop, let's hitch a ride

To charming, chummy central indiana

Where we meet the mulvihills.

They are planning a move. Hopefully it's together.

It was love at first sight.

Wasn't it? - Yeah, oh, absolutely.

We'd only dated a few times.

But I knew. I knew, I knew.

Mimi wants to move in los angeles

Because she's star-struck.

I wanna move to howe, indiana.

And that is amish country.

I'd like to get a buggy.

One of those black amish buggies.

- I'd like to get a sports car. - Yeah, well.

Do I wanna spend the 30 years I have left

Not doing anything?

I need lots of excitement.

Can't you see how peaceful and calm the amish people are?

- And boring. - They're not boring.

I have no winter clothes. Do you know--

Well, you go to that shipshewana flea market...

That isn't stylish.

I need a couple of cute pair of boots if I'm in indiana.

Well, you wouldn't have to worry about being stylish.

You think just because I would be in indiana

That I wouldn't worry about being stylish?

All the creative people are in l.A.

Remember that little, tiny

Market in malibu?

- Mm-hmm. - With james brolin!

Mm-hmm.

- That really- -I had to just stand back.

This happens all the time.

I crashed into hugh downs by accident in the book store.

You can do anything any day in l.A.

Go anywhere-- - the traffic is unbelievable!

The pollution--

You don't notice the pollution.

- Yeah. - You wear sunglasses.

You don't even know it's polluted.

People are friendly...

Sometimes.

I find people are very friendly.

Especially if you can speak a few words of spanish.

What are you looking forward to in howe?

- A lot of things! - Like what?

Reading, sitting by the fire, going to--

What about at--we had fun at all those barn sales.

There is no traffic problem.

In fact, traffic usually has to slow down

Because of the buggies.

You've got terrible icy weather.

- Oh, get over it! - Blizzards!

- Get over the weather thing. - I can't.

I'll be sick. You know I'm delicate.

But do you know how much I love being out in california?

Oh, god, of course I do, I've heard it for months now.

Months now, months now...

Let's just really think about it...

And then do it my way.

So the issue here is what do you do

When you've married outside your geographical comfort zone?

Panel?

- Oh, boy. - Um...

Well, I think that this is a real problem.

- Really? - He--he really--

He really is not interested

In--in much outside of--

Outside of his little comfort zone.

And she is a much more adventurous soul.

What'd you think of that sweater, martha?

Oh...It's, uh, great.

Yeah.

I bet she crafted that.

- Yeah, she crafted that. - I think she did.

I could show her how to make those flowers even prettier.

But... - Martha, I think

I could show her how to make those flowers prettier.

I think he's brilliant. I think he's smart.

Because he--as soon as she gets to california,

She's gonna leave him for, like, abe vigoda

Or somebody... -

I believe in you!

He wouldn't have any fun.

She's gonna be out there- a little hottie in l.A.

He had a moment that is so funny.

And it-- - right.

It passes like this. He's standing at the counter.

- Right. - And she goes,

"I don't wanna spend the 30 years I have left--"

She announces that she might have 30 years left.

And did you see him? He goes...

That's true.

He can't--

He cannot fathom another 30 years.

that's true.

He just--he's just wants to get

In the buggy and ride off--

He--he's also got another great moment

Right in the beginning. - Right.

These guys--really, they are the costanzas.

She says--she says, you know, we met whenever we met,

And it was love at first sight, right?

And he goes...

Uh, yeah! -

I mean, you know, this guy, he is so, uh...

He's so completely bamboozled by her.

Martha, you ever been to a barn sale?

- Oh, yes! - That sounds kind of crafty.

Oh, no, not crafty, it's so interesting.

I mean, all those old tools that you can find.

And you know, all kinds of animal harnesses and things.

Mm, it's great.

Martha stewart!

I never heard "animal harness" sound so sexy before.

All right, let's get to the bottom of it.

Who do you think I should go for?

Cedric, husband or the wife?

I'm gonna--I'm still rollin' with the husband on this.

I think he's smart. Don't take her to l.A.

It will not work if they move to l.A.

They should stay where they are.

And he should get his horse and buggy,

And she should take long vacations.

'cause she'll find out it's not so great in l.A.

All right.

Jason?

I--I have a different point of view.

And I look at it as if these two are gonna stay together...

Right.

And one of them isn't gonna get what they want...

Who is more likely to make life misery for the other one?

Ah-ha!

If they stay in l.A.,

He'll be like, "uh, I lost and I have to be in l.A."

And he's gonna mope. He's definitely gonna mope.

Right.

She--if she doesn't get to l.A.,

Will make his life a living hell.

right.

Right.

Get her to l.A. And shut her the hell up already.

All right. All right, great.

So we've got one to l.A. , two to amish country.

Thank you very much.

I think I'm ready to make the call.

Let's go to ceral indiana

And bring up the actual mulvihills

In their temporary home.

Hey, guys. Great to see you.

- Good to see you, tom. - Thank you.

I love your sweaters!

- Yeah. - Thanks.

I'm putting it on ebay when this is over.

Yeah!

You would so well in l.A.

I hope so.

Here's my call...

I am kind of leaning towards what jason said.

Paick... When I look at you,

I see a guy whose face is gonna be pretty much the same

No mattewhere it is.