Beetlejuice Beetlejuice

["Beetlejuice" theme music playing]

Come in if you dare.

The living.

The dead.

Can they coexist?

That's what we're here to find out.

My name is Lydia Deetz, and welcome to Ghost House.

[audience cheering and clapping]

Joining us in the attic tonight

are Emmet and Jody Welch, from Cleghorn, Wisconsin.

- Along with their dog, Taco. -

And we're gonna hear about how

their dream home became a ghost house.

- -

I've been a psychic mediator for over 15 years.

But nothing could have prepared me

for what I encountered when I visited

the Welch farm.

- Here's a preview. -

Be warned,

it's intense.

I don't know what I'm gonna find behind this door,

but it doesn't want me here.

I feel a dark presence.

- We need to leave! Now! -

Emmet, are you ready to hear about your paranormal visitors?

Bring it on.

How about you, Jody?

Haven't slept a wink

since we moved into that darned house.

Taco was so freaked out, he goes to the bathroom

in his doggy bed every night.

It's been a living nightmare.

Confronting the unknown. Conquering your fears.

There's nothing harder.

But don't worry.

I'll be right by your...

What the...

No.

- No, no. -

What's going on?

- I don't know. - Go!

No. No.

- Uh... - You're doing great.

I'm...

- Need a break? -

- Yeah. - Yeah, let's take a break.

Lydia Deetz, ladies and gentlemen!

- Bravo. -

I need five. Make it happen.

Okay, everybody, that's lunch!

I told him he needed to wear contacts.

But no, Mr. Big Shot Magician wouldn't listen.

Oh, can you give it a rest, Nadia?

I'm having a really shitty day.

- Hmm? -

What happened out there?

You okay?

Yeah, I'm fine.

It's these double taping days,

- it can get to me. - Oh, God.

Kills me to see you feeling like this.

Because when you're feeling like this,

it just makes me feel what you're feeling.

So in a weird way it's like,

when you're hurting, it's hurting me.

- I don't know. - God, I'm sorry.

I... I don't mean to make you feel like that.

Oh, babe. Hey, it's okay.

If anything, it just shows how connected we are.

It's like we got the same stupid little heart.

No. You don't need these.

Oh.

I have one job, and that is

to make sure that you do not drown your talents

at the bottom of a bottle of pills, Lydia.

Please...

just to get through today.

Okay. But...

this is the last time

that I ever dig pills out of a trash can for you.

Do you understand? Or a toilet or sink.

Here.

Okay? You got this.

- All right? - Yeah.

- Is that mine? - Don't move.

Who's texting me?

Your stupid stepmother.

She's got texting diarrhea.

I have to go.

Lydia...

we still have a segment to finish.

Tell us about

the inspiration for The Human Canvas.

I am my own canvas.

I am my art.

As we know, art imitates the living.

It feeds me.

And I was not getting enough nourishment

from the sculpture alone.

So, I decided to broaden my tastes

and it turns out I am insatiably...

Delia!

Where have you been?

I think I've cried all the water out of my body.

What happened to Dad?

- I'm desolee, Le Tigre! -

He is the Picasso of graffiti artists.

He was tagging me like the walls of the Paris Métro.

But now he's having a petite tantrum

because I had to cancel the performance.

What happened?

What? Oh.

Your father's left me.

He's divorcing you?

What a horrible thought.

No! He's dead!

What?

Daddy's passed away.

How?

He was returning

from his bird-watching expedition

to the Funafuti Atoll...

- -

...when his plane went down

in the South Pacific.

- -

- -

A plane crash?

That was his worst nightmare.

Actually, he survived the crash.

- He drowned? - Almost.

But not quite, no. According to survivors,

Daddy clung onto a wing.

- Over here! - Come on!

Hey, swim over! Swim over!

Hey!

So, how did he die?

A shark jumped out of the water

- and got him! -

Just like that.

I just spoke to him on Saturday.

He was so excited,

he thanked me for the binoculars,

he said he had observed the mating rituals

of the Tuamotu sandpiper.

Yes, he flew halfway around the world

to watch birds do it on a beach.

And it killed him!

We need to tell Astrid.

Oh. Must we?

She's already such a morbid little thing.

That's if I can even reach her.

We're barely on speaking terms.

Oh, it would kill Charles to know

I had to cancel my show.

Bonne journée a jamais!

What'd he say?

- -

Did you see that?

Bonjour, monsieur. Ou suis-je?

Where am I?

Down the hall, second door on the right.

Take a number.

Someone will help you.

Eventually.

[upbeat music playing faintly over headphones]

Goddamn foreigners.

- -

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