Parks and Recreation

- MM, EYEBALLS, BATS, RATS, VAMPIRE TEETH...

BOOM! VAMPIRE TEETH.

- GOOD. SPIDER WEBS.

- DONE. - MM-HM.

FAKE BLOOD CAPSULES.

OH, THEY DIDN'T HAVE ANY.

REALLY?

THAT'S GROSS, I LOVE IT.

- WE ARE THROWING A HALLOWEEN PARTY AT OUR HOUSE.

IT'S GONNA BE THE GREATEST THING EVER.

SOMEONE WILL DIE.

OF FUN!

AND OF MURDER.

- AND THERE'S GONNA BE BEER, PUMPKINS...

BLOODY GOBLINS.

- FAKE ONES. IT'S GONNA BE AWESOME.

WE HAVE DECORATIONS...

- DEAD PEOPLE THAT WE JUST MURDERED.

NOT...MURDERED.

BUT PICTURES OF DEAD PEOPLE FROM TV OR MOVIES.

MUTILATED BODIES.

B-BUT FAKE ONES.

CANDY, DANCING, TEQUILA.

ALL KINDS OF FOOD AND SNACKS.

BLOOD ORPHANS.

NO BLOOD ORPHANS.

I...I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT IS.

*

- I WANT YOU ON MESSAGE, AND THE MESSAGE IS...

LESLIE KNOPE.

IF YOU'RE NOT TALKING ABOUT YOU,

YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT THE WRONG THING.

- I HATE TALKING ABOUT MYSELF.

- GET OVER IT. I TALK ABOUT MYSELF CONSTANTLY.

EVERYONE LOVES ME FOR IT.

I REALLY AM AMAZING.

- WHEN YOU WORK IN GOVERNMENT, PEOPLE OFTEN SUSPECT

THAT YOU'RE ANTI-BUSINESS.

SO I'M THROWING A LITTLE MEET-AND-GREET

WITH BUSINESS OWNERS, AND I'VE ASKED TOM'S COMPANY TO HELP.

"HI, I'M LESLIE KNOPE, AND I'M IN THE BUSINESS

OF BEING CITY COUNCILOR."

- OH, MY GOD. - I'M NOT GOING TO USE THAT.

- THIS IS YOUR PRIMARY TARGET.

PRESIDENT OF THE CHAMBER OF COMMERCE, MARTIN KERNSTON.

- OH, YES, FROM KERNSTON RUBBER NIPPLES.

"THE NIPPLE KING."

PHOTOS, BIOS,

LIKES, DISLIKES, PRESCRIPTION MEDICATIONS.

- I'VE HEARD OF MARTIN KERNSTON.

I KNOW A LITTLE BIT ABOUT HIM. - OH, REALLY?

WELL, WHICH OF HIS ADVISORS DOES HE TRUST MORE,

TED FLIRTMAN OR REX SPAX?

- WELL, IT DEPENDS, FLIRTMAN IS MORE OF A CONFIDANT--

I MADE UP BOTH THOSE NAMES.

OKAY, I'M ON IT.

GET AT ME.

JEAN-RALPHIO, STOP CRYING.

WHAT?

HOLD ON, SLOW DOWN. HOLD ON--

ALLERGIC TO CHESTNUTS.

AND...GOOD HAIRCUTS.

[Monster Mash playing on stereo]

- IT'S TOO TIGHT, LOOSER.

- NO, I FEEL LIKE WE NEED TO INFLATE IT MORE.

- NO, I TOLD YOU, I'M A SUMO WRESTLER

AFTER HE LOST THE WEIGHT.

- I TAKE IT WE'RE HAVING A PARTY.

DUDE!

I KNEW THERE WAS SOMETHING I FORGOT TO TELL YOU. SORRY.

- NO, NO, NO, IT'S FINE.

WHY SHOULD YOU GUYS TELL ME

YOU'RE GONNA HAVE AN ENORMOUS PARTY?

I-I DIDN'T TELL YOU I WAS GONNA BE QUIETLY WORKING IN MY ROOM.

- THAT'S A GOOD POINT. - YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.

I GUESS WE'RE EVEN.

- IF YOU NEED ME, I'LL--I'LL DEFINITELY BE AWAKE.

BECAUSE I-I WON'T...BE ABLE TO SLEEP.

BECAUSE OF THE PARTY.

YOU KNOW?

SO... ALL RIGHT.

MY FAMILY IS VERY NON-CONFRONTATIONAL.

MY PARENTS' METHOD OF PROBLEM-SOLVING

IS TO KIND OF KEEP EVERYTHING BOTTLED UP

AND JUST SUBTLY HINT AT WHAT'S BOTHERING THEM.

AND AFTER 36 YEARS, THEY ARE STILL DIVORCED.

WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.

TOM, THIS IS NOT WHAT I PICTURED AT ALL.

THIS LOOKS LIKE A PARTY FOR ENTERTAINMENT 720.

IS ENTERTAINMENT 720 RUNNING FOR OFFICE?

IT'S A SMALL BUSINESS.

YOU'RE TRYING TO SHOW PEOPLE YOU HAVE A GOOD RELATIONSHIP

WITH SMALL BUSINESSES.

NOW THE PARTY, THAT'S ALL ABOUT YOU, BOO.

- OKAY, THEN SHOULDN'T MY FACE BE ON THESE RUGS?

I'M SORRY, NO.

IT'S ALWAYS BEEN A DREAM OF MINE TO BE A RUG.

AND IT'S FINALLY HAPPENED.

TOM, NOW IS NOT A TIME FOR YOU TO EXPLORE YOUR WEIRD DREAMS.

OKAY? I WANT ALL OF THIS GONE, ALL OF IT.

EXCEPT THAT CAKE. KEEP THAT CAKE HERE.

JUST SCRAPE OFF THE WORDS.

DONNA?

BLUE SHIRT...

BADGE...

NIGHTSTICK.

YOU...ARE A POLICEWOMAN.

YUP.

YOU'RE A REGULAR-- - SHERLOCK HOLMES.

I SOLVED THAT MYSTERY BEFORE YOU DID.

OKAY, THIS WAS FUN.

ANDY!

YOU ARE UFC LEGEND CHUCK LIDDELL.

THAT'S RIGHT.

GIRL FROM THE RING.

TO ME, SHERLOCK HOLMES IS LITERALLY

THE GREATEST CHARACTER IN THE WESTERN CANON.

SMART, INTUITIVE, HANDSOME.

REPLACE HIS PASTY BRITISH FRAILTY

WITH SUPERHUMAN PHYSICAL FITNESS, AND YOU GET...

SHERLOCK TRAEGER.

MISTER POTATO HEAD.

THAT'S RIGHT.

HEY, WHERE'S MY LOVELY DAUGHTER TONIGHT?

SHE'S AT HOME.

I KNEW THAT YOU WOULD BE HERE.

AND I WAS WORRIED THAT YOU MIGHT BE CONCERNED,

SEEING US TOGETHER AT NIGHT.

- YOU'RE A VERY THOUGHTFUL GUY.

BUT REALLY, I HAVE NO PROBLEM WITH THE TWO OF YOU DATING.

R-REALLY, I MEAN, LOOK AT YOU.

YOU'RE JUST, YOU KNOW, BEAUTIFUL.

YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL.

ON THE INSIDE WHERE YOUR SPIRIT LIVES.

- LISTEN, TELL HER COME TO THE PARTY AND I DON'T MIND AT ALL.

OH, GOOD, I'LL TEXT HER.

- OKAY, YOU CAN TEXT WITHOUT LOOKING AT YOUR PHONE?

- I THINK IT'S RUDE NOT TO MAINTAIN EYE CONTACT

WITH PEOPLE THAT I'M TALKING TO.

THAT'S FROM ME.

WOW!

I--TH-THAT'S AMAZING.

- HIGH FIVE. - WOW.

- HEY, RON. GOOD TO SEE YOU.

WEREN'T YOU A PIRATE LAST YEAR?

- YES. THIS IS MY HALLOWEEN COSTUME.

ANDREW, ARE YOU AWARE THAT YOUR BATHROOM FAUCET IS LEAKING?

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

I JUST STUFFED A SOCK IN IT YESTERDAY.

WHAT ELSE DO THEY WANT ME TO DO?

- THERE'S AN EXPOSED WIRE ABOVE THE BATHTUB AS WELL.

OH, YEAH, SHOCKWIRE!

I CALL IT THAT 'CAUSE IF YOU TAKE A SHOWER

AND YOU TOUCH THE WIRE...

YOU DIE!

YES, THAT IS ACCURATE.

DO YOU HAVE A TOOLBOX?

YEAH.

- NO HOME IS COMPLETE WITHOUT A PROPER TOOLBOX.

HERE'S APRIL AND ANDY'S.

A HAMMER.

HALF OF A PRETZEL.

BASEBALL CARD.

SOME CARTRIDGE THAT SAYS "SONIC" AND "HEDGEHOG."

A SCISSOR HALF.

AND A FLASHLIGHT...

FILLED WITH JELLYBEANS.

- ALTHOUGH I HAVE NOT WORKED WITH YOU PROFESSIONALLY,

AS A PRIVATE CITIZEN, I HAVE PERSONALLY PATRONIZED

EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOUR ESTABLISHMENTS.

- MM, I'VE NEVER SEEN YOU BUY A SALAD AT SUE'S SALADS.

- THAT'S 'CAUSE I DON'T HATE MYSELF, TANYA.

I'M SORRY.

I KNOW I SHOULD BE CHASING YOUR VOTE,

BUT I STAND BEHIND MY DECISION TO AVOID SALAD

AND OTHER DISGUSTING THINGS.

AND I THINK I HAVE A LOT OF SUPPORT

IN THE COMMUNITY FOR THAT.

DESPITE THE FACT THAT THIS SEEMS LIKE A PARTY FOR TOM'S FACE,

UH, I THINK IT'S GOING PRETTY WELL.

WHEN IN DOUBT, IN PAWNEE, SLAM SALAD.

I'M JUST ESPECIALLY THANKFUL

THAT YOU COULD COME, MR. PRESIDENT.

- MARTIN. - MARTIN.

- YOU WERE RESPONSIBLE FOR THE HARVEST FESTIVAL, RIGHT?

NO. YES. WELL...

IT WAS A TEAM EFFORT. I BARELY DID ANYTHING.

I HELD THEM BACK ACTUALLY.

THEY SUCCEEDED DESPITE ME.

I'M SORRY. I WORKED VERY HARD ON THAT EVENT.

I'M JUST...

BUREAUCRATS AREN'T USED TO BRAGGING ABOUT THEMSELVES.

- TOM, COME OVER HERE AND TALK ABOUT HOW GREAT I AM.

* MARTIN

TOM HAVERFORD. I THREW THIS SHINDIG.

- YES. TOM, TELL MARTIN HOW HARD I WORKED

ON THE HARVEST FESTIVAL.

IT WAS INCREDIBLE.

A LOT OF PEOPLE SAY THE HARVEST FESTIVAL

IS WHAT LAUNCHED ENTERTAINMENT 720.