The Wilde Wedding

MACKENZIE So, what can I tell you about Eve Wilde...

that you don't already know?

Well, for starters...

she absolutely hates being called "Grandma"...

or "Grandmother" or anything with "Grand" in it.

So, she's just plain old Eve to both you and me.

Oh.

You probably do know she's been married before.

But the only one you really need to pay attention to...

is Laurence, Husband Number One and my personal favorite...

because, he is technically my grandpa.

But guess what?

I can't call him that, either. Actors.

Eve and Laurence met in New York...

where Laurence was studying to be a famous actor.

And Eve wanted to be an actress...

but well, you know how that ol' chestnut goes.

Life's what happens while you're busy making plans.

Laurence got cast as the lead in this big comedy...

and he got Eve a part in it, too...

which was super-cool of him.

But when the film came out, all of the reviews said...

"Hello. A star is born".

But, they weren't talking about Laurence.

By the time Eve was one of the biggest stars in the world...

she and Laurence were exchanging...

humorous divorce gifts.

A silver cowbell for Eve to wear around her neck...

so Laurence would always know she was coming.

A birdcage for Laurence...

so that the next Mrs. Darling couldn't get away.

I'd say Eve is on the whole...

what you'd call a positive person.

She says that her whole life has been one long fairytale...

and everything.

But I might just disagree with Eve here.

I might say, in everything, except love...

which frankly, if you knew the family...

would be considered the family "hurdle."

But all that was about to change.

Like the lightning that precedes thunder...

my eyes took in what my heart knew an instant later...

that this was love.

Love at first sight.

MACKENZIE So I'm making a film for Eve of the weekend.

It's my wedding gift.

And from prior experience...

I can say it'll have a little bit of all the genres...

comedy, drama, musical, and of course documentary...

which is my forte because...

I like to think I ask the tough questions.

I bet it was the Swedish nanny...

who jumped you when you were like 16.

Excuse me?

Mom told me. She said that girl was totally your type.

Bad girl.

Oh my god. Mackenzie, that is so inappropriate.

Come on, it was the Swedish nanny, right?

Actually, my first love was--

My first love--

MACKENZIE Okay, so he's doing this whole drum-roll...

thing because deep down, he wants to say it was my mom...

but instead, he's just trying to think of something funny.

That's my mom and dad in this band they had.

Mom said there were a lot of guys...

trying to get her attention, but she only had eyes for him.

She said he wrote the most dreamy music.

Thing is, he still does, just not for her.

My first love was a crème brulée...

that I had in the south of France when I was 12.

You're so emotionally retarded, Dad.

Thank you. All right, hang on.

Hey, Jimmy.

JIMMY I'm patchin' Ethan in.

Okay. But I got everything...

all of Harold's numbers, bank accounts, loans, debts--

MACKENZIE My Uncle Jimmy has fallen in love...

like a gazillion times.

He says he's a romantic.

- Look. - RORY Jimmy?

MACKENZIE There he goes again.

RORY Jimmy? Jimmy, you there?

Sorry, what? Sorry, where was I?

RORY Having your suspicions confirmed.

Right, confirming my suspicion that people who write serious...

novels have a relatively small pot to piss in.

Which is why this fucking prenup is a whole--

Dad!

Hey, honey! Hi, Dad.

Your bus was very late.

Yeah, I know. I was on it. Dad, this is Pink.

Pink? Hey, dude.

She's coming with us for the weekend.

Well, honey, it's kind of a special weekend...

don't you think?

Well, I brought a friend to her last wedding.

But you were five.

I brought a friend at your last wedding.

Thanks, babe.

Please, I finally erased that whole debacle from my memory.

Where's the car?

Right there. Come on.

Hello?

Where the hell's Ethan?

MACKENZIE My Uncle Ethan says...

he's never getting married.

Oh! Fuck, my god!

MACKENZIE He says, why would he...

with all the interesting people...

he meets on social media these days?

Good boy, Yoyo. Good boy.

Oh, hey, Guy. Yeah. You heard the new tracks?

Okay, so I'm gonna have the number one album...

if you pull your finger out of your ass.

Do your job. I want arenas.

Oh, honey, look, look. No.

Mom, please! Yes, yes, yes.

Hey, can you pull over? Yes, yes, right here.

MACKENZIE The problem is that when...

it comes to relationships, examples have to be set.

But in my case, the adults setting them...

are quite possibly the worst examples known to man.

Mom, Mom, that slope near the boathouse...

somebody's gonna go ass over backwards into a lawsuit.

Well, it leads down to the lake. I don't want to board it up.

Well, can we at least put up a couple of signs?

Al, could you make up a couple of signs that say...

"Beware of Steep Slope"?

- A sign? - Hello.

Yeah, a sign's gonna save us... Oh, you're here.

a million dollars if someone falls--

We're in here, Mom! Hi.

Sam.

Oh... Sam can't pass a vintage clothing store...

without begging me to stop.

Hello, darling. What's up, buddy?

Oh, that's for you. Come sit down.

You look beautiful. Thank you.

Sam, just do what I do.

I donate all the clothes Mom gives me.

I think your mother has a charming fashion sense.

So do I.

This is lovely. Yeah.

Sam! Tell me, how is your father?

He's in Miami.

Yeah. Sebastian and I broke up.

Why?

Well, you know, it was either that...

or I was gonna strangle him.

Sure, the go-to options.

So, Eve. Mm-hm.

MACKENZIE What can you tell us about your first love?

Oh.

There was a beautiful boy, Cosmo.

He was the reason I joined the theater class...

where I met Laurence.

Of course, Cosmo wasn't interested in girls.

Yeah, duh. Of course, his name is "Cosmo."

All right, so what, your first love was Laurence?

I remember the first time Laurence and I rehearsed.

He looked at me with that smoldering stare that he has.

I mean, you know, you know the one.

I know it well.

And it was, "Goodbye Cosmo..." "Hello Laurence."

EVE Now of course, Laurence has had the career...

every actor would dream of having...

unless of course, you're Laurence Darling.

He's recognized as a great actor.

I'm just a simple movie star.

And he could find that very annoying.

Morning.

Boys, boys, boys. Dad!

It's so good to see you. Why isn't it more often?

Probably 'cause you never return any of our calls.

Dad, Dad, Dad.

It was a rhetorical question, James.

We all have such busy lives now.

Laurence.

The Lady Eve. How are you?

I am grand.

I have come to see you off again.

Maybe we'll get it right this time.

That's why I'm here, to make sure that...

this one is a keeper.

You are so thoughtful...

as if you'd have any idea what a keeper was.

Laurence!

I'm sensing a theme here.

Are all the exes invited?

Just the ones Mom likes.

And they're still alive.

Well, I'm glad I still qualify.

Has the great man arrived?

Not yet. His sense of timing's even better than yours.

Upstaged again?

Bad girls?

Right. Bad Girls, Bad Girls--

Dad, come on. It was one of her biggest hits.

Oh yeah, got it.

Eve steals into a prison-- an Indonesian prison...