Attenberg

- (WOLF HOWLS) - (OWL HOOTING)

Okay, let's see here. Um, Dumbledora the Explorer.

I love it! Happy Halloween.

Oh, uh, French Kiss. Ooh, classic. (GIGGLES)

The Purge. Very nice. Ghost bride, beautiful.

Ah, Great Hatsby. Yes!

My ex-girlfriend! Marissa, what are you doing here?

Well, I texted you like, 20 times

to find out what our couple's costume was gonna be this year.

But, Doug, when you change your number you have to let me know.

No, I don't have to let you know.

That is the point of changing your number.

And you can't be in the residents' hall, or within 30 feet of me.

I can't see you if I'm outside of the dorm, dummy.

Unless you walk by a window.

But even then, it's so fleeting.

No. You really can't be in here.

Gimme that censor bar. I'm gonna un-censor you.

No. It's censored for a reason. (GIGGLING)

Stop. No. Just get out.

Livi,

is there any way you can get to Ibiza like, right now?

'Cause we just sold Flip Flop for $4.6 billion.

You should download it. It puts any of your photos at the beach.

Wow. I just think it may be a little difficult for me to get to Ibiza tonight,

only because I'm so busy here.

They have me in charge of this building that's worth $160 million.

You know, I have always loved how manageable your aspirations are

while the rest of us are just over here achieving, achieving, achieving.

Well I... I care very much about achieving as well.

That's why I took this job here, you know.

It's high stress, high stakes. I'm changing people's lives.

Dookie bomb on level two.

Can you hold one second, please?

No. We spun the dookie wheel and you lost.

There's no point in even having a wheel if you're not gonna honor it.

Um...

So you sound busy. But I'll flip you some flops later from Ibiza, okay, girl?

- Okay. - Bye! Happy Halloween!

Okay, bye!

- Hey Sam. - Hey. Who is this?

- It's Marcus. - Oh. What's up Marcus?

- Hey, Sam. - Hey. I hate Halloween. (MUMBLING)

Sam.

Hey. Wow, you look beautiful.

Thank you. It's still like, so weird showing my neck...

Hmm?

This is so exciting! My first date!

Um, I mean, um, like our first date.

Of course, I... I've been on so many dates before.

Hey, guys. Guys! Booties or barefoot?

Uh, definitely not barefoot. Also definitely not booties. So...

I have to be on point tonight. Okay?

There are going to be so many girls there that are gonna be dressed up

as slutty somethings. I might finally become a man.

Well, if you're looking for booty,

go with the booties.

Booties it is. Thank you.

All right. Have fun, you two. And, uh,

if you hurt her, I'll kill you.

- Have fun, sister. - Bye.

Tyler, you look like you need a nurse.

Anything I can do to take away your pain?

- Denise... - Deborah.

Debrise, look. Any other night I would happily take you up on it,

but it's Halloween,

the only night of the year where girls should be scary, not sexy.

Oh, well, I can be scary.

Rawr!

No.

No! Not scary-sexy, actually terrifying.

All I want tonight is for a girl to scare the crap out of me.

Nice try, Amy, but no cigar.

Amy, I can see you. Your eyes, they're blinking.

Hey guy... Purge, nice. Purge, love it.

Sexy kitten. Zombie. You guys are good!

Who is that under there? Who is that? Mikey?

Dave? Robbie? No?

All right. Well, you stumped me.

Take your candy, good sir. Here you go.

Take your candy.

You're gonna eat it right here?

I'm gonna go...

- Oh, man. - (CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING)

That bean is really lodged in there.

- Do you have Flip Flop? - Uh-uh.

You can literally take a picture and put it on a beach.

It is so awesome.

- (PHONE CHIMES) _ - (BLEEP)

- (PHONE CHIMES) _ - (BLEEP)

- (PHONE CHIMES) _ - (BLEEP)

- (PHONE CHIMES) _ - (BLEEP)

- (PHONE CHIMES) _ - Turd balls.

All right, thanks. Let me know.

Hey. I came as soon as I heard.

- Any idea why we're on lockdown? - I have no idea.

Okay. You know what? I'll call my buddy in campus security.

- He'll know what's up. - Okay.

Phil, it's Weiner. What's up?

Censor bar. You?

Genius.

He's North West. (CHUCKLES)

- What about the lockdown? - Right.

Phil, me again. Hey, any idea why we're on lockdown?

Got it.

A gas station was robbed six blocks from here,

so they're locking down the dorms till they catch the guy.

Okay. Gather the RAs

and make sure all the residents are accounted for.

- Got it. - Here. Take these.

Cool. Oh, hey. I almost forgot.

I grabbed all the Snickers from the variety bag for you.

You pre-sorted a bag of fun-sized candy for me?

Yeah, well, I know they're your favorite.

Thank you.

Aw, so cute.

- What's up, Amy? - Amy.

Relax. Just being a wall.

- (SCREAMS) No!

Scary, not sexy!

Watch your head.

Hey, I need you to check IDs

to make sure every resident is accounted for.

- Oh, I'm not on duty tonight. - Sam, we're on lockdown. It's not a request.

Should we maybe reschedule for another night?

Okay, look, this will only take a minute.

Here, take the key to my room.

I'll meet you there in 20 minutes tops, okay?

Okay.

Come on, guys. I need you in your rooms

until I get a check-in from everybody.

I'm like a babysitter.

Ohhh! I got an owie.

(WHISPERING) Tyler.

Hello?

(MOURNFULLY) Tyler.

Hello?

Hey, Tyler. Want to hook up?

You should be ashamed of yourself, Mother Teresa.

So, I heard the reason we're on lockdown

is this crazy chick's tasing dudes in the balls.

I heard it's a Haitian dude with a hatchet

just chopping away at dudes' balls.

Oh, are you guys talking about balls?

- What? No. Leave us alone, weirdo. - Perv.

All right, cool. Catch you later.

'Sup. 'Sup.

All right. Kelsey Johnston, Hawaiian Punch. Nice.

Okay. Mike Bledsoe, Saint Nicolas Cage. Thank you.

Hey, Justine Anderson. Swan Ronson. Love it. All right.

Hey, I still don't know who's under there. Who is that?

Evan Feldman?

Max Granger? No? Who is that?

Hey, all out of candy, bro.

Okay. Have a good, safe night.

Sam, room 125. Okay, got you. Savannah, 214. Okay.

You guys, can we please stop with the beach ball?

You've got to be kidding me.

What? I'm already done with the stupid list. Here.

What are you drinking?

If it's in a red cup you're not allowed to ask what's in it.

It's alcohol. Of course.

All my residents are accounted for. I'm done.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have somewhere I need to be.

No, no, no, no, no. I need your help writing up all these incidents.

Why do I have to do it? Can't Tyler?

Nope, 'cause I'm writing him up too.

- What? - Where the hell is Amy?

She's on a wall someplace, okay? I don't know.

What is the big deal? It's Halloween. Why don't you just lighten up?

Yeah. Okay, I don't have time for this.

I really have to be somewhere right now.

I am so sick of this! Do you think that I like being a buzzkill, huh?

Just because I'm good at it doesn't mean I like doing it.

And if you guys wanna get killed by a bank robber tonight, be my guest.

Because I'm gonna be in my room, in my sweatpants, eating a bag of Snickers,

that someone so thoughtfully sorted out for me.

So you two can kiss my ass!

Is it just me or was that completely unprovoked? (SCOFFS)

Oh, hey, Mama T. I'm Leslie, but tonight I'm sexy Peter Pan.

Do you wanna... Do you wanna fly with me?

Go (BLEEP) yourself.

Okay, cool. I'll see you later when you're feeling more charitable.

(MUFFLED) College Halloween is the best parts of college

mixed with the best parts of Halloween.

(MUFFLED) Pretty sure this is going to be

the best night of our lives. Ah!

You would not believe the night I've had, Rachel.

Um, Rachel?

Penny for your thoughts?

Good news, the penny's chocolate.

- Thank you. - Welcome.

Hey...

Do you ever feel like we're getting too old for this?

No. Are you joking?

A girlfriend of mine from high school