Secrets of a Gold Digger Killer

Operator: 911, what's your emergency?

Man: I'm bleeding. I need help.

Operator: Okay, sir. Can you tell me what happened?

Man: I don't know.

My guts jumped out of my stomach.

Hurry. I'm in pain.

Operator: Are you there by yourself?

Man: My wife is somewhere in the house.

Operator: Help is on the way, sir. Stay with me.

Operator: Sir, are you still with me?

Operator: Sir?

Bedroom, straight that way.

What's going on? Who are you?

Austin EMT, ma'am. Are you Mrs. Beard?

Yes. What happened? Where's Steve?

Mr. Beard has had a medical emergency.

He called 911.

He's lost a lot of blood.

Oh no, not my Steve. Let me see him?

Has your husband had surgery recently?

No, no. He's never sick.

He's gonna be all right, isn't he?

'cause he has to be. He's my whole life.

Here you go, sugar.

Vodka tonic with a twist of lime.

I didn't even order yet.

Oh, I saw you put in your dinner order so I had your drink made.

Unless you're not drinking tonight, Mr. Beard.

Now, Celeste, we both know I'm gonna drink that

And then I'm gonna order another one.

When your prime rib arrives.

I guess I'm a creature of habit.

Did you go to the cemetery again today?

It's only been a few weeks since Elise passed.

I can't seem to figure out what to do without her.

Well, do what I'd do and go shopping.

It always makes me feel better.

Yeah, I woke up this morning and I was feeling a little glum

And then I went and I got myself this.

And now I feel like a million bucks.

You know, I'll take you next time.

Get you a new blazer.

A man like you should not be repeating your outfits.

My wife bought me this blazer.

Oh, there I go putting my foot in my mouth again.

No, I like it.

You speak your mind.

Why do you think I keep finishing my days here?

You make an old man happy, Celeste.

Oh, Mr. Beard, you say that to all the ladies.

No, I don't.

There's something special about you.

You ready for another one?

Yes, please.

You better tip me better this time.

None of that 10 percent crap.

I'm a single mother.

Another vodka tonic, please.

Want it stiff?

Oh, hon, I always want it stiff.

So what's the plan?

Just gonna flirt with all these guys

Until one of them takes you home?

No, I can get any one of them to take me home

But that doesn't pay my bills or get my girls new clothes.

No, I'm waiting for a shot at a better life.

And right now that shot is over there

Waiting for his vodka and prime rib.

Thank you.

When are you gonna have dinner with me, Celeste?

Whenever you want.

How about tonight?

Here?

Of course not.

I'm talking about something

That isn't sitting under a heating lamp.

Sounds good to me.

Just give me a sec.

Goodnight, Stacey.

You can't leave, you still have two hours left on the clock.

Yeah, can't miss my shot.

Oh, and uh, cancel the prime rib over on table 12.

How do you feel about steak?

Sounds great.

Especially in good company.

I'm gonna make sure you get

The best damn steak dinner you've ever had.

Oh, well I'm all for women's lib

But I do love a man who knows how to take care of a woman.

Kristina: Someone's home late.

For good reason.

Mama's moving up in the world.

Did you get a promotion?

Oh, I won't be needing that job much longer.

Did you get fired?

Wow. You're just like your sister,

Always thinking the worst.

Where is she, by the way? Is she asleep?

What, is she sleeping over at David's again?

Are they having sex?

Remind me to make sure she's on the pill.

Mom! Oh my-

What? What?

When you get a boyfriend of your own

You're gonna wanna come and talk to me.

Mama's got a thing or two she could teach you.

Can we talk about something else?

What happened to your job?

Well, I guess we could tell Jennifer the good news tomorrow,

But your mama met a man

And things are about to get a lot better around here.

Just you wait.

Mama has a plan.

Here we are.

Wow.

Steve.

What a place.

Why'd you wait a month to show it off?

Is that our dinner in there?

I thought I'd have the restaurant come to us tonight.

Well, you certainly know how to pull out all the stops.

Thank you.

I just sold my TV station for a hell of a lot,

And with Elise gone I've got nothing but money, time,

And nobody to spend it on except you.

- Cheers. - Cheers.

Huh.

Why don't you take some of that money

And redecorate around here?

I mean, no offense,

But this place is more like a museum than a home.

Elise put a lot of thought into all of this.

Well, I mean, I'm sure she did, 25 years ago.

Come on, Steve.

You're more fun than all this beige and velour.

You're a lot feistier than most women around here.

They're all worried about blending in.

Not me, sugar. Mmm-mmm.

No, I was born to stand out.

Here's to standing out.

Well, you know a girl could get used to luxury like this.

You deserve luxury like this, Celeste.

Oh, no, not me.

I mean, I don't need all these bells and whistles,

But my girls, oh.

They deserve so much more.

They haven't had the easiest life.

I miss having someone to take care of,

And it gets lonely here by myself.

Why don't y'all move in?

Steven Beard.

I mean, we've been dating for a month.

What will people say?

Screw 'em.

I'm old enough to know that worrying what people think

Is a waste of time.

Well, you know, I agree with that, but...

I'm a respectable woman, I don't know.

What if I hired you?

As a house manager.

You and your daughters could sleep in your own wing

And I could keep you close and take care of you.

House manager?

Oh, Steve.

If I slept under the same roof as you

I don't think I could trust myself.

From what?

From wanting to sleep next to you.

Move in with me, Celeste.

I guess I got the job.

Girls, I hope you're ready.

Our new life is waiting.

Were you out shopping while we packed up the apartment?

You know shopping keeps me sane.

Come on, here, here.

We're moving across town. We have to look the part.

Mama, this is beautiful.

Woah, is this for real?

Nu-uh.

You make us drink milk after its expiration date to save money.

There is no way we can afford these.

We can't.

But Steve's gold card can.

He lets you use his card?

I told you, he wants all three of us to be happy.

We deserve that, don't we?

You know, this is nice and all,

But it still seems a little soon for us

To just move into his house without even meeting the guy.

What if we hate him?

Jennifer, why do you always have to see a problem, hmm?

Why can't you...

Why can't you just do what I ask, like your sister?

I don't know, Celeste.

When are you gonna stop treating Kristina like a personal slave?

I told you to stop calling me Celeste.

Now, besides, the house is huge!

We're gonna have our own wing.