Marvel's Spider-Man

Sometimes my highly tuned Spider-Sense

tells me there's trouble.

And sometimes I just hear a really loud alarm.

Don't worry, folks. Gonna check on that pesky noise

so you can get back to your fancy ribbon-cutting ceremony.

Whoa. That's a seriously big hole. Okay, Spidey.

Looks like you're about to take on a whole army of...

one bald guy?

You do all this damage yourself, shiny?

Yeah. Pretty impressive, huh?

It doesn't add up.

You're a big guy, but that wall

looks like it was hit by a wrecking ball.

And there it is. Man, can I call 'em or what?

I should have my own detective show.

People call me the Absorbing Man.

'Cause you have paper towel powers?

Because I can absorb anything.

Right. Just like paper towels can.

You sure you don't wanna go with "Paper Towel Man"?

I promise you no other bad guys are using that name.

Insult me all you want. I have thick skin.

Or, better yet,

sharp skin.

Uh-oh.

Talk about being stuck between a rock and a hard face!

So, you become what you touch, huh?

Let's see what happens when you can't touch anything.

Hmm? Now, what do we have here?

Your vacation photos?

Hey, gang! Screwball here!

Screwball?

With another fun fact.

It's hard for a CEO to cut the ribbon

on his polluting power plant headquarters

if he doesn't have the ribbon!

Let this be a lesson to all you corporate shills.

You never know when you'll be surprised by...

Spider-Man?

Mmm.

Metal.

You might want to look both ways next time.

And you might not wanna stand there this time.

Sorry, Spider-Man.

I expected those business goons to chase me.

Great.

Smile, Spider-Man. You've been screwballed.

Pete, you have got to watch the new Screwball video.

Not right now, Harry. I'm working on something.

Pretty heavy security

for vacation photos.

Check it out. She totally messes with Spider-Man.

- It's hilarious. - Is it?

'Cause thanks to this Screwball character, Spider-Man lost a bad guy.

Oh, please! Spider-Man needs to be taken down a peg.

This Screwball's my new hero.

She's not a hero, Harry.

Heroes have power and responsibility.

Screwball doesn't have either.

Oh, she has power, all right.

The power of the Internet.

This video's only been up a few hours,

and it already has hundreds of thousands of views.

Views aren't power.

- They're not? - Look around.

- You've been Screwballed! - Must be a slow news day.

Come on!

- What's so funny? - Oh, hey, Liz.

Just watching Screwball's latest post. Have you seen it?

Uh, no, not yet. What are people saying? Do they like it?

Oh, yeah. It's by far her best. It has Spider-Man in it.

And that's the only reason people care about it.

People care because Screwball takes on corruption with cool pranks,

not because it has Spider-Man in it.

Really? Then why does this video have four times as many views as all her others?

It does?

Well, if involving Spider-Man brings more attention to my causes,

then Spider-Man is exactly what my viewers are gonna get.

Hey, guys. Welcome to Screwball's

brand-new Spidey segment.

At least once a week, I'll be making a video about Spider-Man.

So sound off in the comments, and let me know

what you think of the old webhead.

- You've been Screwballed! - Agh!

Where is it? Where's what?

I told you to grab everything in the safe.

And I did.

I don't care about diamonds. I wanted the flash drive!

Oh, that. Spider-Man got it.

You imbecile.

That store is a front for The Owl,

who was blackmailing me with the information on that drive!

Why didn't you tell me all this?

Because I wanted to keep it simple enough

to absorb through your thick skull!

The only reason I hired you was so he wouldn't trace it to me!

And stop eating my chips!

I'm not!

Busted.

That drive has enough dirt on it to put me away forever,

and now Spider-Man has it.

You get it back, and keep my name out of it,

or so help me... Ow!

There won't be enough of you left

to scoop up salsa!

That's not funny.

Spider-Man should leave the crime-fighting to the police...

but keep being part of those hilarious videos.

Leave Spider-Man alone. Spider-Man rules!

Which is also the name of my Spider-Man fan page.

Spider-Man's a menace.

I had to look that word up.

But once I did, I agreed.

A menace!

- What are you doing? - Gotta go.

- Hey, Liz. - Hey, Randy.

Can we move our study group to...

Oh, come on!

Don't tell me you're a Screwball fan too.

Why wouldn't I be? She's great.

She's everything that's wrong with the Internet.

If she really wanted to make a difference,

she'd do something legitimate.

- Like your boring blog? - Exactly!

I mean... It's not boring.

In fact, you know that power company she pranked last week?

It was one of a dozen businesses bought up on the same day

by the same anonymous corporation.

I haven't cracked who it is yet, but my gut tells me the Mob's behind it.

They have... You know what?

I'll just send you my story. It's only 35 pages.

I'm good, thanks. I just think you're jealous

because Screwball gets a ton of hits, and your blog only has... three.

So what? Screwball's numbers are down too.

Without new footage of Spider-Man, she's nothing.

Hey, finding Spider-Man is hard. Probably.

Oh, I have to go.

My dad's speaking a the groundbreaking ceremony

for the city's New Media building today.

Now, he's a real journalist.

In fact, every major news outlet's gonna be there,

including my blog, thank you very much.

Every major outlet, huh?

Thanks for coming out to support my dad, guys.

I didn't even know you knew about this event.

Oh, thi... Of course we did.

And it has nothing to do with the fact that

we were across the street having lunch.

Don't let him fool you, Randy.

It's just nice to do something

that doesn't involve our competing schools for a change.

Well, technically, my dad is lending them an Oscorp worker bot.

I should've known.

Well, maybe you can use a Horizon High pen to write the story.

Thank you, everyone.

Before we break ground, I'd like to say a few words,

and though my editor won't believe me,

I promise it'll only be a few.

People always ask

if I have any advice for the next generation.

If I do, it's this:

value your story.

Nowadays, anyone anywhere can have an audience of millions.

But being seen by those people isn't the same as reaching them.

A real writer doesn't care about getting likes,

they care about making a difference,

whether it's for 100,000 people or just one.

And now, let's put this big guy to work

and break some ground on this new building.

What's it doing?

I'm okay, son.

You've just been Screwballed!

It's Screwball! Screwball!

- I love your videos! This is awful. - She could've hurt my dad!

Don't worry, Randy. Her pranks look worse than they are.

Right, Pete?

Um... Pete?

Typical Parker.

You took over the worker bot?

Not cool, Screwball.

Ha! Are you kidding? I'm just getting started.

- Whoa! - Screwball!

No!

Hold on!

Thanks for the save, Spider-Man.

What in... A billboard?

You're gonna answer for that one.

A bungee cord?

And cut!

Nice work, Spidey. I was hoping for the banner plug,

but the quick-drying cement was an added bonus.

And what if someone out there

needed my help while I was preoccupied here with you?

Relax, Spidey.

This city is full of heroes.

I can't help it if my viewers wanna see us together.

- Spidey, Spidey! Over here! - Give us a smile.

- You've been Screwballed! - Nice.

Are you seriously still watching

stupid Internet videos?