Little

(GRAND ORCHESTRAL FANFARE PLAYING)

(RADIO STATIC WHISTLING AND BUZZING)

Hey, four-eyes! Loser!

Allow me to introduce myself.

Get off the stage!

That's me, Jordan Sanders.

Well, actually, this is me now.

I know. I get it.

Big change, right?

But that was me in 1993,

the day I decided to show

everyone at Windsor Middle School what I did best.

The laws of science.

They're actually true.

I can trust them.

I can rely on them.

- Who cares? - (LAUGHTER)

There she is.

You know her: the person who just can't let you live

your best life.

Prepare to behold a death-defying feat!

I trust the conservation of mechanical energy 100%.

So much, in fact, that I am willing to risk

my very life to demonstrate.

Boo!

- (CROWD JEERING) - Um... (CLEARS THROAT)

Because this ball should not be able

to pass this very spot again.

Go.

Now, this should have been my moment of victory.

And for seven glorious seconds, I was on top of the world.

- (GRUNTS) - But then,

just like that, it was over.

Ow. Ow, ow, ow.

Something changed.

Little did I know, that something would be me.

Jordan, I know you had big plans to go out there

and show those kids how awesome you really are

so they wouldn't be so hard on you at school every day.

Being me sucks. I want to be someone else.

I know it's hard right now,

but that's just because you're little.

When you grow up, it won't be like this.

- It won't? - Nope.

- Because you're smart. - Yes.

I am smart, aren't I?

And do you know what happens

to smart people when they're big?

They become the boss.

- Really? - Really.

And nobody... and I mean nobody...

bullies the boss.

Well, then I can't wait to be big.

So I can be the boss and no one will bully me.

- Now that's my girl. - (JORDAN CHUCKLES)

Because I'll bully them first.

("WHERE MY GIRLS" BY DAI BURGER PLAYING)

- (MUSIC BOX MELODY PLAYING) - (ELECTRONIC WHIRRING)

Jordan, it's time to wake up

- and live your dreams. - (JORDAN SNORTS)

Jordan.

- I said wake up, girl. - (JORDAN EXHALES)

Let's get this shmoney, okay?

HomeGirl, call April.

Take a whoosah, girl.

Fact: April Williams is your assistant.

"Assist" is in the job title.

Calling April.

(RELAXING NEW AGE MUSIC PLAYING)

MALE NARRATOR (OVER EARBUDS): So, you want to slap your boss.

You're not alone.

We all have stress triggers.

People who are vampires, bloodsuckers,

- just plain evil. - (MOUTHING): Evil.

Jordan Sanders calling.

Jordan Sanders calling.

Jordan Sanders calling.

- Jordan Sanders calling. - Oh, shit.

Hello?

Are you awake?

Yeah, I-I'm awake. I was just meditating.

Wake up! Be awake when I call.

But... (STAMMERS)

I don't know when you're gonna call,

so when would I sleep?

When I'm not calling.

: April, listen to me.

I'm sad this morning.

: Oh, why?

I have asked you a thousand times

to have my housekeeper, Elaine...

Linda is her name. Linda.

...put my slippers 53 centimeters away from the bed

so when I hop out my feet can land on them.

I mean, am I being unreasonable?

: Yes, bitch.

Is that too much to ask?

No, it's not unreasonable at all.

Damn right, it's not too much.

I can't be any kinder to you, April.

Why are you not at work?

I don't need a stay-at-home assistant.

I'm on my way.

- I'm on my way right now. - Go!

- Hey, Tony. - Hey, April.

Can I get a raspberry jelly, and...

you can just put a line of sprinkles out,

and I'll snort 'em.

Take it the boss lady's on the warpath this morning.

- Every morning. - (CHUCKLES)

- Focus. - (CHUCKLING): All right.

Oh, Stevie didn't go to school today?

Yeah, I gave her the day off.

Those bullies just won't let up.

I can relate.

Hey, April.

- Hey. - Want to see a magic trick?

- Yes. - I'm gonna take this penny

and turn it into a quarter.

Can you get my paycheck next?

Ah, Jesus.

- Ta-da! - (APRIL LAUGHS)

Wow. That was... magical.

- (CELL PHONE RINGING) - Thank you.

It's like she senses my happiness.

Yes, Jordan?

Did you call Amex and schedule my call?

I need to have it...

HomeGirl, end call.

Mm-hmm. I got you.

Good morning, Trevor. Oh, good morning, Jordan.

What are you still doing here?

I overslept. Forgive me.

You always have an excuse.

Why you always got your guard up, huh?

Have I ever hurt you?

No, you haven't, because my guard is always up.

- Why do we have this discussion back and forth? - Wh... (SCOFFS)

I should've known what you was about.

You got my name as "D Boy" in your contacts.

Yes, I saw that.

"D" is...

it's-it's DeAndre, which is French for Trevor.

- What? - You know what? I don't have to explain myself.

- Jordan, come on. - Why were you going through

- my contacts in the first place? - Come on, Jordan.

- (STAMMERS) DeAndre? - You have to go.

- No, no, no. - Oh, my...

- Are you serious right now? - I'm not go...

What? You strong, ain't you?

Come on, Jordan. I'm just trying to get you

to open up to me, all right?

- Come on. - I have a company to run.

You-you can run me. Come on, you know how we do. Come on.

- (ELEVATOR BELL DINGS) - You get it. You know. - Mm...

- Give it to me now. Come on. - No, no.

- No. - Wow.

- (TREVOR SIGHS) - Oh, wait, I need my key back.

- What? Huh? I can't... - That-that was for one night.

I can't hear... I can't hear you. What...?

- D Boy! - What you saying? What? What?

Did you have to do all that sex stuff in front of my child?

Oh, please, he just popped out of you.

I am sure he knows the territory down there.

She's four.

Oh. He's transitioning.

Well, good luck, little fella.

I like you.

Now, your mama's a different story.