Louie

Sometimes when I'm talking to my daughter,

I'll be looking down at her, my little girl,

and I just... I see my mother, y'know?

Your mother?

Yeah.

Is your mother there?

Is she...

No, I just mean I...

I mean when I look at my daughter,

I just... that's what I see sometimes.

I see my mom.

Is she standing in front of her or...

Is...

Are you at your mother's house or...

You doing a show tomorrow?

Uh, yeah, I'm doing a short set at the Cellar.

I got this girl I'm dating, you mind if I bring her?

Fine.

What are you doing after?

I don't know, why?

Maybe you could hang out with us after.

You're gonna be on a date?

Well, you...

Come hang out with us after you're done.

Why? That's weird.

She wants to meet you.

All right.

After the show, I'll hang out for a few minutes, say hi,

then you take her out.

But...

Jeez, you...

What's the deal?

Okay, this is kind of weird.

Yeah, it is.

Don't get all jaggedy on me.

Bro, I met this girl.

I really like her.

I mean, she's amazing

and she gets me really, really horny.

I mean, she's... she's beautiful.

I mean, this chick... this woman...

Oh, my God! Okay, so what?

All right, so we've been out like six times.

We always wind up back at her place making out,

but, I mean, really making out,

tongues are everywhere.

I mean, she's grabbing on me.

I mean, she's grabbing on me... This sounds great, Robbie,

but I don't really want to keep hearing about it.

Okay, so...

we always do the same thing, just making out at her place.

And I get... I mean, my dick is hard as a naiking...

This is the part I didn't want to hear, so stop, okay? Okay, okay, okay, okay...

Okay, here's the thing.

She really wants me.

But only with another uuy.

She can't get off with anything less than two guys.

She can't get off with one guy?

Anything less than two, she can't do it.

So she said if I can get another guy...

Stop talking now, stop talking.

Stop making words with your... No, no, no.

You don't understand, you're not getting it. Robbie, don't say it out loud.

Please don't say it out loud.

I told her who you were.

She's a fan.

She thought it would be hot!

You want to have a threesome with your own brother? No!

What's wrong with you? No, no, no.

She does, she does.

I have a plan.

Look, you pretend like you're gonna do it, you're into it,

we'll all go out, then we come back,

y'know, you pretend like you're gonna start in with us

and then leave.

Y'know, like you have to leave because you have...

you have prior engagements.

And then I'm there, she's all hot...

Louie, she's all hot and then...

I mean, look, it might not work,

but that's... that's my only chance, bro. Robbie...

Look, you're my brother,

and I like you a lot,

so... here's what I'm willing to do, okay?

Yeah.

I'm gonna go home now

and I'm not gonna talk to you for about three weeks, okay?

Bro... Good luck.

Bro!

I don't know, I'm supposed to give my kids values.

I don't... I don't have any of those.

I used to, but they're melting away.

They finally are.

You know, you get instilled with values byour parents

and by school, whatever else, you know?

Society teaches you things, makes you...

teaches you how to be a good person.

But you ever feel for your real values inside?

Like, who you would be if you had no guidance?

Like, I think about that sometimes.

Like, what are the things I believe in my marrow

that I can't really...

that had to be shaved away?

They're coming back now.

Like, here's one.

I really, somewhere deep down,

You kind of didn't do anything wrong.

Mom?

Hello, Louie.

Mom.

Hello!

Mom, I didn't know you were coming here.

Well, that's because I didn't tell you.

Uh, girls, say hi to your grandma.

Hello, Grandma.

Hello, girls.

Listen, I got... I gotta take them to their mom's.

You want to come with me or...

Well, not really, I'm tired.

Okay, well, why don't you wait here

and I'll be back in about half an hour.

Well, what do I do while you're gone?

Um, whatever you want.

Make yourself something to eat.

Well, that's not really ideal.

I am hungry, but I don't like fending for myself.

Mom, I... I didn't know you were coming here

and I gotta take them, so...

Well, can't you make me something to eat first

and then take them?

What are they doing here anyway?

You're divorced.

Mom...

Oh, sorry.

They... they don't know you're divorced yet?

Daddy, can we please go now?

Yeah, let's go, baby.

Sorry, Mom, we gotta get going, so...

Well, I think this is very rude!

I hardly ever see you,

and I can't get a thing out of you.

Meanwhile, this one peeps she wants to go

and you hop to it.

Bye, Mom.

See you later.

I'm frankly amazed that you're leaving me!

I'm... I came all this way to see you.

I wanted to surprise you.

I need to lie down, have a cup of tea.

Let's go, girls, come on.

I came a long way and I'm very tired.

My feet are killing me. Daddy?

Yeah? Why is your mommy like that?

Why did you leave me here? I don't know, baby.

I deserve more respect than this.

Do you love her?

Yeah.

Why?

I... I don't know.

Love... love is a weird thing,

because if you really love somebody,

I think you hate them at some point.

You know, like your mother is the first person you ever love.

That's the first person that you love,

and who wants to ever talk to their mother anymore?

I mean, once you're a grown-up, and your friends... u

Like, when you're alone with your mom, you can take it.

But when you're with your friends

and she starts talking, "Well, we got here at 5:00."

You're like, "Just shut up, just shut up!

Just shut up !"

Please let there be another 9/11 right now

and there's a phone call about it

so that I don't have to listen to this.

I'm just saying that if I had known we were

going to take a taxi here,

I would have dressed differently.

How do you dress for a cab ride, Mom?

Okay, are you guys ready? I'm sorry, yes.

Please bring me a menu with larger type.

I'm sorry? This print is too small.

Bring me a menu with larger type.

Mom, I can read it to you.

I don't need you to read it to me.

He can bring me a menu with larger type.

Jesus Christ.

Ma'am, I'm sorry.

We don't have menus with larger type.

We don't have those menus.

Well, I guess we'll just have to eat somewhere else. Here we go, yep.

This salad isn't very good.

In fact, it's not good.

I hate it.

Mom, why are you here?

Why did you come here without telling me?

That's right, I came to tell you that I'm a lesbian.

What?

I said, "I'm a lesbian."

Okay.

You know, I think I always was,