Events Transpiring Before, During, and After a High School Basketball Game

Hey, Coach!

-Hey, Brent! -Hey.

Glad I was able to catch you before the game.

Do you have a sec?

Actually, I was just about to head inside.

Oh.

What's up, Brent?

Oh, I just had a few ideas I wanted to run past you

-about the offense? -Oh.

-The offense. -Yeah.

Oh, fuck, come on.

-Sorry. -Oh, hey, no problem.

-Bill, right? -Yeah!

-Ken. -Yeah, we did...

-Temple. -Temple, that's right, yeah.

-Good to see you again. -Yeah, you too.

Oh, fuck's sakes.

-Sorry. -It's all good.

It's my wife.

Oh, for fuck's sakes.

Ringer's broken.

Everything okay?

Yeah.

Just going through a bit of a rough patch.

Oh, shit.

Sorry to hear that.

Thanks.

She's freaking out.

She thinks our dog has osteoporosis.

Didn't even know dogs could get that.

Apparently.

She read something on the internet

and now she thinks our dog has it.

Geez.

Shih Tzus are very prone to it.

Oh, that's what you have, a Shih Tzu?

Yeah.

I wanted a Lab.

I don't know if I told you,

but I'm reading Sacred Hoops.

Have you read Sacred Hoops?

-No. -Really?

-You've never read Sacred Hoops? -No, I haven't.

Oh. I'm surprised.

-What is Sacred Hoops, Brent? -Oh, um...

Sacred Hoops: Spiritual Lessons of a Hardwood Warrior

by Phil Jackson.

It's a great read!

It's got some insights about Jordan, Pippen.

Do you know he actually played for Bill Fitch?

Who? Scottie Pippen?

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Phil Jackson.

Yeah, I can't believe it.

Two of the greatest coaches of all time working together.

-It's pretty wild. -What did you want

-to talk to me about, Brent? -Oh, I just wanted to know,

have you ever considered running the triangle offense?

You know, I'm not familiar enough

with the triangle offense to say yay or nay.

-Really? -Yeah.

Have you heard of the triangle offense?

Of course I've heard of the triangle offense.

'Cause I'd be surprised if you didn't.

-You're Coach. -Yeah, I am Coach, Brent.

Hey, sorry, a little left-field here.

Just a heads up, I've gotta take off

-right after the game. -Yeah, sure.

I have to leave right away.

It's cool if you sign out the score sheets for me?

-Yeah, no problem. -Awesome, thanks, man.

What, you got a hot date?

No, actually, it's just this Toastmasters meeting.

Oh.

That's that public speaking thing, huh?

Yeah, yeah, public speaking thing, yup.

Oh, for fuck's sake.

I'm just gonna turn this off.

No, hey, don't worry.

-You don't mind? -No, take your call, man,

it's good.

Hey.

What?

So the whole premise is, essentially,

how can you know what's real?

-Okay. -Because it's like--

like take right now, for instance.

I mean, this could be a dream, right?

-Well, why not? -Okay, sure, yeah,

it could be a dream.

Okay, so the whole thing is, basically,

you can't know what is real and what isn't, right?

Because what actually defines reality?

Unhappy that I am,

I cannot heave my heart into my mouth.

I love your majesty according to my bond,

no more, no less.

How, how, Cordelia?

Mend your speech a little,

lest you may mark your fortunes--

Mar.

What?

"Lest you may mar your fortunes."

Um...

Mine--mine says "mark."

Weird.

Do we have the same script?

Weird.

I was talking to my grandpa about this,

and he's really into Eastern philosophy and whatnot,

and he was telling me about this Chinese philosopher guy

who had this dream one night that he was a butterfly.

-Okay. -And when he wakes up,

he thinks, "How do I know I'm not a butterfly

dreaming I'm a human?"

-You know? -Uh, sure.

The dream felt just as real as being awake.

Maybe it even was as real as being awake.

-I understand the concept. -Okay.

So, yeah, in answer to your question,

that's basically what The Matrix is about.

Shit.

So, which version should we use?

Well, I think he's trying to tell her

he doesn't want her to hurt her fortunes,

so "mar" would be appropriate.

But "mark" could work too like he's saying

he doesn't want her to put a mark on her fortunes.

Is it still in iambic pen--

They won't let us do it.

What?

They say it's too controversial.

That's the point!

And that's what I told them.

We're supposed to go up in less than a week!

They also said it was offensive.

It's not offensive!

Provocative, yes, but not offensive.

I told them it was intended

to push audiences out of their comfort zone.

This is so bourgeoisie.

Maybe we could find another venue.

The whole point is to criticize

the patriarchal bias of the school system,

plus Leif has already started building the set.

This is fucking censorship.

We could take it to the press.

I know the editor of the school paper,

-and we could pub-- -Eh.

Okay, this is just a suggestion,

but, well, what if we just didn't hang the effigy

of Jean Chrétien at the end?

Said it was just a suggestion.

I don't care if your sister hurt her back.

Of course I care.

It doesn't change the fact that I've got a game to ref.

Karen, no.

I can't get a replacement.

The game starts in like...

It revolves around three people:

your wing, your mid post, and your corner shooter.

It's all about spacing and passing

and reading the defense.

I actually drew up some of the basic maneuvers

for the guys to understand.

It--to be honest, Brent, I think this might be

a little bit complex for our players.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!

That's the interesting thing about the triangle!

Once you know the principles, it's actually very simple.

Okay.

As you can see here...

Well, take her with you then.

Your sister is not allergic.

Okay, that was one time,

and she was completely fine after they gave her the shot.

Here.

Actually, sorry.

Is there like a place I could mount these on or something?

Sorry, Coach, sorry!

Leave her home then.

Come on, we leave her at home all the time.

The dog does not have osteoporosis, Karen.

It's like an existential thing.

-What's an existential thing? -The Matrix.

Is it good? I heard it wasn't very good.

Who said it wasn't good?

I don't know, that's just what I heard.

Well, it's excellent.

Why is it existential?

So, you know how at the beginning--

Why can't you just enjoy it as a movie?

Why do you gotta analyze it so much?

I don't analyze it that much.

Yes, you do.

Well, you can analyze something and enjoy it, Craig.

I don't quite get why The Matrix is existential.

We could do some kind of guerilla performance.

It would just get shut down.

But at least people would know