All Roads Lead to Rome

Summer. Honey.

You may approach the bench.

We're nearly there. Do you want the hummus sandwich I made you?

- I told you I'm not hungry. - It's vegan.

Ladies and gentlemen, we expect to land in about 15 minutes.

Thank you for flying with AlItalia,

and we hope to see you again in the near future onboard our flights.

Arrivederci.

Summer, look.

Wait. They have geological formations in Europe, too?

Look, honey, there's nothing you can do for him right now, okay?

So in the meantime, you have 2 weeks to just simply relax.

And I'm telling you, you're gonna love this country,

the people, the food, the gelato.

I should be by Tyler's side fighting for his rights,

and you're trying to buy me off with ice cream? This is about injustice.

- There's injustice here, too, trust me. - Oh, I'm pleased.

No, seriously, this country is, like, famously corrupt.

They have fascism, social inequality. People are eating out of garbage cans.

- I thought you said the food was good. - It is. It... it's so good

that people are eating it out of the garbage cans.

All I know is that when I was your age, I loved being here.

When you were my age, you were a virgin with a Prozac dependency.

That's not true.

Yeah, I've seen the photos of the zits and the braces.

That was junior high school. And actually, when I was here,

I had a boyfriend, and he was very handsome.

I got it. I got it. Thank you.

Check the tag. The tag. Check the tag.

That's mine.

Oh, is this yours? I'm sorry.

Looks... take it. Looks like my old bag.

Excuse me. It looks like my old one. Sorry.

Come on, little duck.

Signorina, scusi. Per favore.

Oh, you've gotta be kidding me.

- Can I have your passport, please? - Sure.

- Purpose of visit? - I'm being kidnapped...

- We're on vacation. - By my own mother.

- She's making a joke. - Wait a second, please.

Jesus, Summer.

Take your glasses off.

Yeah?

- Do you have any criminal record? - No...

and she's not about to get one right now, either.

- You just lied to an agent of the law. - It's a juvenile record.

It's in the process of being expunged, and it's really just an administrative thing now.

- You told an untruth. - Well, technically I did not.

See?

It's so relaxing in Italy.

People are so laid-back.

Buongiorno. Buongiorno. Ciao.

Hello. I have a... Una... una reservazione.

Just have to... find the number.

But I know it's under the name Mrs. Falk. Marg... well, Maggie.

- Yes. I will need the reservation number. - Maggie. Yes, but I also have the...

- That's the credit card that I booked on. - I'm sorry. No number, no booking.

Come on. What's a little... what's a little number between amici.

I'm sure you can scrounge up a little convertible, you know...

Una fiat bella.

- Tutto e bellissima. - I'm sorry.

That is the least bellissima car ever. That is antique bellissima.

- It's eighties. You love the eighties. - The eighties revival is totally over.

Well, can't you like it ironically or whatever it is you kids do?

The irony revival is totally over, too. You have to like things sincerely now.

I like it sincerely.

On the road, just the two of us,

- sisters doing it for ourselves. - Seriously.

"Thelma and Louise."

Thelma and Louise drove off a cliff and killed themselves.

- God! Sorry. - Yep, super relaxed here.

Unlike Dad's new pile in the Hamptons, where I should totally be instead.

Last time you stayed with him, he took you out drinking.

I try to see him taking me as an act of trust.

Oh, God. Please don't tell me what his less trustworthy acts are.

Exactly. I won't. I'm not telling you anything about anything,

which is why you don't know anything about my life and you keep trying to protect me

from things I don't need to be protected from.

- Is your seat belt on? - Yes.

Tranquility.

Yep, pure tranquility with Tyler unjustly rotting in the penal system.

Brother.

It's a harmless medicinal herb.

5 kilos of a harmless medicinal herb.

Marijuana laws are a tool for the state to oppress the underclass.

Underclass? His mother owns a gallery on the upper east side.

- You're so racist! - He's white!

No, he's not. He's 1/8 native American. There was a genocide.

Summer, honey, baby, I just don't want you dragged into this.

He wants you to pretend that they were your drugs.

- He never asked me to do that. - That's not the impression you gave.

The impression you gave is that he wants you to go back on your deposition,

to perjure yourself, and to say that it was you all along.

No! I was speaking hypothetically. If I took the rap,

it'd just be a juvenile sentence, which doesn't count, technically speaking.

Do you have any idea how hard it was to get your record for theft overturned?

It wasn't theft. It was liberation. Those rabbits needed to be free.

Summer, Summer, this is drug dealing. It would be perjury,

and it would look awful on your college application.

- I hate you! - I know you do. I know you do.

- Summer. Summer! - Get off!

- That's not safe. That's really dangerous! - My foot's stuck!

- I don't care. - You're so controlling!

No wonder Dad left you...

for his 23-year-old legal secretary called Amber.

- I'm sorry. What, honey? - Whatever. Give me my bag. I need my phone.

Give me my bag!

Fine. I'll get it myself.

Where's my stupid phone?

Oh, honey, look. It's...

It's gotta be here somewhere.

I'm sorry. Sorry, sorry.

Where the hell's my phone?

Sorry, Ms. lady, but we're almost there. Sorry.

It's exactly the same.

20 years in the blink of an eye.

It's really something, isn't it?

- Where is it? - Where's what?

You know what? I have to remember to write to uncle George and thank him...

My cell phone, which I strongly suspect you stole.

That would be very uncharacteristic of me.

- I am someone people steal from. - Give it to me!

I don't have it. Gosh.

- Oh, calm dow... Calm down. - Please!

- I don't have it. I don't... - Give it to me!

Buongiorno. You rented the cottage from George?

I live opposite, so...

- Luca? - Maggie?

I thought... I thought you moved to France.

I moved back. I bought the old farm, the villa.

- The big villa? - This cannot be happening.

- She must be your sister? - She wishes.

This is... this is Summer. She's my daughter.

Your daughter.

- I can't believe this. - I know. Me neither. It's...

May I invite you for a drink in... in my garden?

That's... that's very nice, but we just got here,

- and we haven't even unpacked, and... - I understand.

But if you change your mind, you are very welcome.

Bye.

Bye.

Ma.

- Ma! - Yep?

Is he why we're here?

No.

No, no, God, no. I...

I had no idea. I thought he moved away.

- You knew he was back. - I haven't thought of him in 20 years.

Yeah, right.

Oh, my God. Tyler, you're out. You made bail?

Didn't you... get my text?

My... my mom's such a bitch. I think she stole my phone.

- How crazy is that? - Babe, you have got to get back here.

If you don't get back and take the rap for this, I am going down,

like down to a place even lower down than, like, Chinatown low.

- I know, but it's complicated. - Complicated is how I'm gonna feel...

- Tyler. - ...if I go down for this.

I'll try and get home, okay? I...

- I love you, Tyler. - Stop it.

You do?

I'll find a way.

- I promise. - Okay.

Maybe we should go say hello, you know?

Might seem rude not to.

You settling in?

- It's nice, isn't it? - Yeah.

Oh, see? This must be his pottery.

It's pretty colors.

- Hey. - Hey.

You came after all.

Come. Let me offer you something.

Oh, no. I mean, you don't need to go to any trouble.

Come on. I insist. You are my guests. Come on.

- The villa. The villa. - The villa, yes.

So...

You married... what was it? Jock?

- Jack. Jack. - Jack. I'm happy everything worked out.

I mean, actually, we were... we were divorced last year, so it didn't...

- I'm sorry to hear that. - No, no, no. It's okay.

- Just... - Please, sit down.

I'll bring some food and something to drink.

- Wine, that's okay? - Sure. Sure.

Amarone?

- Grazie. - Prego.

"Actually, we were divorced last year."

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that, baby."

What? No. Honey, no. No.

- He's... he's being polite. - By sexing you?

I'm fairly certain he isn't, and...

sexing people is a form of politeness here.

- Ciao. - Ciao.

Hi. This is my darling Valentina. Maggie and Summer.

I will wake mamma as well so she can meet you. You remember Carmen?

Non è possibile.

Grazie, Antonio.

Grazie, Antonio.

It gets worse and worse. And now she tries to run away.

Lucky she does not drive, otherwise, I would have to lock the garage as well.

Buongiorno, Carmen.

Her memory is not so good.