Carol's Second Act

Move it, newbies.

- Sorry. - Sorry.

How did he know we were new?

Maybe 'cause we're cowering in fear.

Speak for yourselves.

I can't wait to meet our chief resident.

Rumor has it she's a real hard-ass.

Oh!

That must be her.

Oh, God, she's terrifying.

Hello, everyone.

You must be the internal medicine residents.

Yes, ma'am. Here and ready.

Oh, gosh. What a pleasure to meet you.

Should we go around and introduce ourselves?

- Excellent idea. I'm Daniel Kutcher. - Mm.

I went to Duke, and I've published

in The New England Journal of Medicine.

Two times.

Very impressive.

Uh, I'm Lexie Gilani.

- Mm-hmm. - I grew up here in Southern California.

I had a dog named Duke

- that I successfully diagnosed with parvo. - Oh.

He died.

I'm very nervous.

I'm Caleb Sommers.

He/Him.

I just returned from Guatemala,

where I practiced medicine in the rain forest

and I got a tapeworm.

Wow.

What an exceptional group of people.

I'm Carol Kenney.

I'm very into secondary infections,

and I am so excited to be here!

Will we be starting rounds right away?

I hope so. I've waited a long time for this day.

A long time to be... chief resident?

Me?

You think I'm chief resident?

No! No, this is my first day.

I'm an intern, just like you.

But you have a clipboard.

Yes. I love clipboards.

But you have a long coat, like a resident.

Oh, it's not a long coat.

I'm just short.

But you're...

Older. Yes, I know.

Yeah. This is my second career.

I mean, I always wanted to be a doctor,

but life got away from me.

Oh.

Were you in a coma?

No.

Got married young, had kids,

taught high school science.

So, why med school?

I lost a bet.

No, I'm kidding.

My marriage fell apart.

My husband went off to find himself,

and now he's sleeping on his sister's futon,

and I'm a doctor, so life is good.

So, if you're an intern, then where's the chief resident?

Start the patient in 24 on vancomycin,

and order a CVC stat.

I need a spinal tap kit in room eight

and a central line in rooms ten and 11, and good morning.

I am Dr. Maya Jacobs, your chief resident.

- Whoa. - Hey, Dr. Jacobs.

They thought I was you. Isn't that funny?

Very.

Internal medicine residents,

welcome to Loyola Memorial Hospital.

Today, you are doctors.

Oh, my God, it's so exciting, I just...

This year will be the hardest of your life.

The learning curve is steep, and the hours are demanding.

Many residents don't survive.

Some quit or, worse, become dentists.

Geez.

You have a comment?

I'm sorry.

Did not mean to interrupt.

It's just that fear is

a terrible way to motivate people.

I-I was a teacher, and I found that

my students responded best to encouragement.

And, you know, neuroscience is completely behind this. Oh.

I read a great article in The Lancet.

I will send it to you.

You're gonna need my log-in.

Username is CarolKenKen, and password is MamaDoc63.

I am your boss,

not your friend.

I'm here for two reasons:

to teach you how to save lives

and to determine which of you can cut it

and which of you can't.

Let's move.

Was she looking at me when she said that?

She looked right at me. Wow, she is fast.

Ah, new crop of interns.

Is it just me, or do they get younger every year?

Not just you, Dr. Frost.

I think one of them brought their mom.

Patient is a 38-year-old male,

admitted four days after a minor car accident,

complaining of fatigue and headaches.

What are his related health factors, Dr. Sommers?

Huh? Uh, bluh, di-di-di-dah.

Uh, looks like a history of migraines?

Correct. Next time, be prepared.

She can't yell at what she can't see.

You think his migraines

have something to do with this?

Here. Here you go. I always carry a spare.

Aw. The gel pen my neighbor Phyllis got me in Japan.

And how do your migraines typically present?

Dizziness.

I get those flashy lights.

Wh-What are they called?

- Aur... - Auras.

Yeah, my uncle had migraines like that.

They're commonly stress-related, and...

Long story short,

yoga helped him with his migraines

but not with his alcoholism, and he died.

Next steps. Dr. Kutcher.

Probable causes include subdural hematoma,

Chiari malformation.

Start with a head CT and blood work.

Excellent, Dr. Kutcher.

That is how, and when, to speak on rounds.

Let's move.

No, what did she say?

Head CT? Is that a CAT scan?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

CT is a CAT scan.

You'll have the results this afternoon.

Oh, thanks. Sorry, I'm a mess.

This has been stressful.

Oh, of course it has.

Uh, here. Need a hair tie?

Yes.

Thank you. What are you, Dr. Mary Poppins?

No.

No, no, no.

But if you need a tissue,

I have Kleenex hidden all over my body.

Dr. Kenney!

Sorry.

Wow, rounds are intense.

I feel like I've aged a thousand years.

No offense, Carol.

You think that's intense?

Try teaching 40 ninth-graders how to dissect a frog.

You'll find out who the serial killers are.

Anyone want an energy boost?

Banana me.

Daniel?

No, thanks. I create my own energy.

I'll take one.

Guys, these are super fresh. Hyup!

I got them this morning from a Whole Foods dumpster.

That's okay. I'll get something from the cafeteria.

You better hurry. Dr. Jacobs said

we had a two-minute break, and that was 90 seconds ago.

Ah, that's just an expression.

She can't actually mean...

Two minutes are up.

I hope you feel rejuvenated,

because I have your assignments.

Dr. Sommers and Dr. Gilani, you'll be assisting

a senior attending on a patient workup.

Wow, senior attending on our first day.

Dr. Kutcher, excellent work on rounds.

You'll do follow-up on Car Crash.

My own patient? Yes, Danny!

Dr. Kenney,

you'll be collecting stool samples.

Stool samples?

Oh, hey.

Uh, you know,

maybe I could assist Dr. Kutcher.

I had a really good rapport with his patient's wife.

No, thanks. Danny's good.

Oh, I saw on the white board there was

a patient with a secondary infection, and I am very in...

Dr. Kenney...

I realize you're excited to be here

at this late stage of your life,

but this is how hospitals work.

There's a chain of command.

When a senior doctor gives an order,

a junior doctor follows it.

So, let's try this again.

Dr. Kenney, you'll be collecting stool samples.