black-ish

Dre: Lately, there have been some changes

around the Johnson household. Dre: Babe.

Ah, hey, baby.

Yeah, hey.

I've been thinking, you know, with you being pregnant,

maybe you should take it easy, focus on you and my baby.

Why you keep saying "my," Dre?

You know we haven't gotten the swab back yet.

You know I do not like it when you make that joke

because the subtext is you're cheating on me.

Subtext? I...

I was going to say maybe you should take some time off

because you worked so hard

during all of your other pregnancies.

Well, that's really sweet, but can we afford it?

We'll figure it out.

I'm pretty sure the layoffs at work are behind us.

Oh.

Well, this brings me great sadness to do this,

especially since you grabbed me this delicious Egg McMuffin

on your drive into work, but I really have no choice.

Lucy... we're laying you off.

What? S-Seriously?

Oh, my... oh, my God.

Okay, that was a big lie.

Whew!

God, you got me going.

Good one.

It, uh, it didn't bring me great sadness,

but you are still laid off.

That part was true.

Dre: What the hell is going on?

I thought the layoffs were over. Stevens: Oh, no, no, no.

The tighter the ship, the bigger the profits.

Besides, Daphne really hates Lucy.

What?! We're getting our nails done together at lunch.

Well, that's gonna be awkward.

Now, turning to Charlie.

So, that's what's up?

You brought me back here so you can fire me?

You think by telling me in front of all these people,

you think I ain't gonna make a scene?

All I got left is my God and my goatee!

Aaah!

Hey, Charlie!

No.

Charlie.

Calm down, Charlie!

Aah!

Oh, no, no, no.

Ugh.

Aaah!

Charlie, you are not fired, okay?!

I was actually gonna say good job on the Forever 21 campaign.

Actually, that was me.

Oh, that was a good job.

I've seen it everywhere.

On buses, schools. It's all over the place.

Really nice work there, Lucy.

Okay.

Well, now that that is taken care of,

it is time for birthday announcements.

Oh, well, looks like we're not just celebrating

Lucy's last day.

Come on, guys, help me out.

Jo-Josh, I was just fired, okay?

Oh. Um...

I-I'm sorry. I'll ju... I'll just...

No, you don't have to...

So slow. Oh, for God...

No, no, make a wish!

Make a wish!

And sometimes, change isn't great...

That's yummy.

Especially if you're Lucy.

It makes you wonder who's next.

Do you want a corner?

No, no, no, I want the corner.

Give her something in the middle.

Hey, baby, how was your day?

Uh, not good. I actually had to s...

Good.

Listen, you're never going to believe

what happened to me at my doctor's appointment.

Dr. Gonzales told me that I have a geriatric womb.

Uh, to your face?

Told me that I'm of advanced maternal age.

To your face?! Yes.

Oh, baby, come here.

It was awful.

Relax, baby.

Just means your wife's uterus is old.

What?

Thank you, Ruby.

Like "Antique Road Show" old.

Like probably watches "Murder, She Wrote"

and has a landline old!

Mama! We get it.

Pops: That's crazy.

Look at her.

She is a beautiful, vibrant, curvy, vivacious young woman.

Hey, hey, pump your brakes, Pops.

Not only is this my wife...

but she is asleep.

Bow!

Huh? Oh, my God.

I'm so exhausted.

Dre, m-maybe I should take that time off.

Really?

Well...

I think you taking some time off is a good idea, sweetheart.

And stand-up move on your part, son,

letting your wife kick her feet up

while you hold your family down like a man.

Mm-hmm. I agree.

Her body obviously needs rest.

Well... Look at her.

She's falling apart.

Okay. Listen here, son.

There's a good chance I may have to carry this baby,

and I'm willing to do it.

The doctors say I have the uterus of a 16-year-old Latina.

Uh...

Diane: Mmm, smells good, Grandma.

Mmm, what's on the menu?

Well, it's Ruby Tuesday, so you know what that means.

Another gravy-heavy experience.

Dad, you need to make the down payment

for my summer trip abroad.

And we need new bow and arrows for "Hunger Games" camp.

We're sending them to "Hunger Games" camp?

Isn't that ex... violent?

I don't know, and I don't care.

All I know is they take them away for two weeks

and I don't see them.

That's a lucky baby in that dusty womb of yours.

Oh, and don't forget my deposit for summer school.

Didn't you get straight A's?

Yeah, but this is Advanced Summer Wizardry.

My sorcery coach says I might actually be a real wizard.

Zoey: Really?

So, while everyone was excited about their time off from work

and expensive summer plans,

I decided to drown my worries

in some biscuits and gravy and classic TV.

Announcer: Get cozy for an all-night marathon

of your favorite '70s Chicago sitcom.

Every episode back to back.

Reporter: There's been an alarming rise

in the unemployment rate

in the black community in Chicago,

hitting highs of 19%.

That ain't news.

Hey, Thelma. Keith.

Baby, I'm so glad you're home.

I, uh...

I got something to show you.

Oh.

What's this, baby?

It's a pregnancy test.

Man.

Technology has come a long way.

Keith...

I'm pregnant.

Are you sure?

Of course I'm sure.

This thing is 26% accurate 65% of the time.

Keith, how did we let this happen?

Broke, living in the projects at my parents' house.

I'm just gonna be another statistic.

Hey, hey, hey, baby, I-I know you're scared.

Hell, I'm scared, too,

and, no, you ain't gonna be no nother statistic.

Baby, I got my big football tryouts coming up,

and, hey, when I do go pro, we're gonna get married.

And... And I'm gonna have enough money to take care of everybody

and buy a fancy car!

Baby, I'm gonna be an NFL football player,

and they don't ever go broke!

Huh?!

Oh, baby.

Oh, you make me feel so much better.

Oh. Oh.

And who knows? Hmm?

Maybe Daddy won't be mad.

That don't sound right.

J.J.?

Uh, 'tis I.

Didn't we tell you about eavesdropping?

You told me, but I think it's safe to say

I didn't give a damn.

Until we decide how we're gonna tell Daddy the news,

you keep your big ol' mouth shut.

As long as you let me be there when you tell him.

I ain't never painted a murder scene before.

Damn! You ain't gonna believe what happened to me today.