The Mysteries of Laura

Bella. Bella, get back here.

Bella.

-(DOG BARKING) -Bella.

(FAINTLY) Daniel.

Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Mikorski.

Bella got in it again, sorry.

(FAINTLY) Daniel.

Hey, dudes.

We leave for Grandpa Leo's in 10 minutes.

Clothes on, underwear on the inside.

Stop doing that.

There is a bell out front.

Where are the ninjas? We're gonna be late for school.

So, you forgot too.

No school. Teacher training.

On a school day? What they do all summer?

Not training, apparently.

So, I'm taking the boys over to my dad's.

I thought they we're gonna have hot lunch at school,

so I've got nothing to make them.

Just have Leo whip something up.

His sciatica is acting up.

And he's not exactly the whip-it-up kind of guy.

Yeah, I'm sure you were able to come up with something.

Jar of olives.

And a jar of olives.

Lot of nutrients in olives.

-Hmm. -AKA, alien eyeballs.

That's how I convince them to eat it.

Could just throw in a fifth of vodka and they could make martinis.

Not helping.

Actually, I am helping.

You remember Chris Hernandez, my old desk sergeant?

Chest hair up to his neck?

Oh, Chewbacca, great guy.

Actually, even greater nanny.

Oh, wait a minute, you can't poach someone's nanny,

that's like a felony in mommy world.

The Hernandez kids are older.

Turns out Alicia is available.

She's a former teacher, CPR trained,

thoroughly background checked, I spoke to her last night.

She's stopping by right now.

Now? Are you insane?

I can't interview a nanny without any notice.

Hi, I am Alicia.

-Excuse me. What?

Your children are urinating on each other.

Okay? You need to do something about that,

'cause that's just nasty.

Oh, hell no!

I do want a job,

but not with folks who can't keep their kids

from whipping out their little ding-a-lings

for the whole wide world to see.

That was a one-time ding-a-ling situation.

You know men and their ding-a-lings.

Oh, yes, I do.

Could you just try it for a week, starting today?

See how it goes, you'd be a real life saver.

I need to know the house rules.

What's bed time?

-8:00. -9:00.

Between 8:00 and 9:00.

I work full time.

So, if they're up on the later side,

I get to spend some time with them, ask them about their day.

I've worked every day of my life.

My kids were down at 7:00.

You know, there's a study that says

children who don't get at least 12 hours of sleep

were more likely to grow up stupid.

I'd like to see that study.

What about chores?

Well, they have to clean up after themselves.

Mmm-hmm.

Where is the chore wheel?

We're between chore wheels.

Mmm-hmm.

Sorry.

Diamond.

Okay.

Homicide, Lower East Side.

What are you looking at me for?

I didn't do it.

Double homicide.

Your victims are Jack and Evelyn Mikorski.

-Cause of death? Both sustained

blunt force trauma to the head and body.

Based on the wounds and the cast off blood on the walls,

I'd say your murder weapon is probably a long metallic object.

Both were hit multiple times.

Sounds personal.

Next of kin?

Not yet, but look at this.

Dust circles on the mantelpiece.

Some item is missing. Burglary?

I noticed a tan line on the husband's wrist.

No watch found in his belongings.

Check out smiley face.

Why is he front and center?

I snapped the picture of it, already forwarded it to Max.

Hopefully, if we're lucky, we get an ID.

April Hottiger.

She lives next door, followed her dog in,

heard the wife's last words.

-Which were? -One word.

Daniel.

-Where are the parents? -On their way home from work.

-Did she say anything? -No, too upset.

Hi, April, I'm Laura.

What a sweet little dog you have.

I know you don't feel like talking right now.

Is it okay if I talk to, um, Bella?

Dogs can't talk.

Sure they can. I've seen it on YouTube.

Bella, have you seen anyone around here,

anyone that you haven't noticed before?

You have a rude dog.

She says there was a man with a box and a big ladder.

What did the man look like?

She thinks he was dressed in white.

He was here yesterday.

I heard that Mrs. Mikorski said

"Daniel" when you two came in.

Do you know who she was talking about?

Well, thank you, April.

And, thank you, Bella.

Take care of April for me, okay?

Hey, girl, your phaser is obviously set to stun.

Tell him 1995 wants its slang back.

That is some weak-ass game.

"A", boundaries. Do not read my texts.

And "B", Bhavesh is not weak-ass,

he is a sweet, successful man that I went out with

who happens to be a bit text challenged.

You think?

Smiley cat emoji with the hearts in his eyes?

Where did you meet this guy? Band camp?

No.

My mother set us up.

I rest my case.

Guess what this is.

I think you know where I stand on guessing games.

A lead on a suspect.

Okay, what is it?

So, I talked to the super,

who said the Mikorskis recently had a painter redo their kitchen.

Name is Matthew Sanchez.

Guy has got a record

as long as Ariana Grande's extensions.

She's a pop star, she's like...

She's always like...

Um, he's at a job right now,

Laura said she'd meet you there.

All right, got it.

And you can go back to your nerd sexting.

Meow.

(SHOUTING) Excuse me. Matthew.

(SHOUTING) Hey, yo, Matthew. Yo!

-Go get him. -Hell no, you go.

I'm more afraid of heights than you are.

So, now you wanna quantify my fear?

You always pick rock.

-Bye-bye, Spiderman. -Damn it.

-What the hell? -NYPD.

Wow, nice watch.

You don't strike me as a Rolex kind of guy.

I'm gonna go out on a limb and say that if I check

the serial numbers on that watch,

it would be registered to Jack Mikorski.

Yo, I'd listen to my partner.

I do not like being up here.

If you make me pull my gun,

I'm using it.

Good boy.

Talk to me.

All right. I stole Mikorski's stuff.

Pocketed the old man's watch

last week while he was in the shower,

but I didn't kill them.

Okay, then, where were you last night?

Hooters. I took my mom. It was her birthday.

That's touching.

And your mom would never lie for you.

I can give you like 20 people who saw us there.

Let me guess, 40 hooters?

All right, I'm gonna need names.

And what about the Mikorskis?

You seen anybody visiting? Seen them go anywhere?

Gave them a ride over to the senior center,

the one on Hudson, last week when it was raining.

You're a real good Samaritan.

Good luck at Rikers.

What? Hey, come on, I just hooked you up!

You stole from old people. Rikers is better than you deserve.

Three hots and a cot.

Gross.

It is not gross, it's stew.

Sit up.