Wilfred

So how are things going with Amanda?

Great. Oh!

She left for San Diego this morning.

Well, at least she doesn't have a dog you have to watch.

How about you?

Have you spoken to Dr. Ramos?

Are you kidding me? No, I'm done with Arturo.

: "I can't leave my family. My kids need me."

Please. That's bullshit. They're, like, nine years old.

It's his loss. You look radiant.

People say "radiant"... what they mean is "fat."

I mean, look at this tub of "radiance" checking me out.

Where does he get off? Like we're on the same team.

You gonna finish these fries?

Newman?

Hey!

Oh, my God! James!

How are you?

I'm, uh... I'm-I'm... I'm... hey.

Wow... Girl, it's been awhile.

- Mm-hmm. - You look... (Inhales)

You look radiant.

Well, figures I'd run into you here.

Best coffee in town.

Oh! Coffee!

You remember Bean Man?

You know, dude from first year contracts class?

: Stomp on that banana!

I don't get it.

That's an... inside joke.

: So funny, though.

Wow, man, it's really been too long.

You know, I thought that I would see you

at your dad's banquet, but...

You know, I mean, I understand.

Yeah. Yeah, I was busy... out of town.

Anyway, it was great to see you...

Hey, man, listen... I'm going to the Saloon tonight.

Maybe you should come down. Have a drink.

Might give us a chance to... catch up.

- It sounds like fun. - See?

Yeah.

- Maybe I'll stop by. - Awesome.

Or should I say... : Fresca!

I bet that's funny.

Yeah.

All right, man, I hope to see you there.

Bye.

He's so cute.

You know, he always had a massive crush on me.

You think he likes kids?

I don't know and I don't care.

I don't want anything to do with that guy.

What?!

I mean, I know it's been a while since you guys have talked,

but you were, like, best friends. What happened?

Ryan! Look!

I'm a dog! I'm a dog!

So, who was that brig-white-teeth guy?

His name is James. We went to law school together.

And...?

We both worked for my dad, and we hated it.

We decided to leave and start

our own boutique law firm together.

Boutique?

So you'd represent jewelry

and effeminate trinkets and such?

It was gonna be a place where the disenfranchised

could get help and where ethics actually mattered.

We decided to quit on the same day,

but at the last minute, James took a promotion

and stayed with my dad instead.

What a dick!

What did he have to say for himself?

I never took his calls.

What's he gonna say, "Yeah, I know you thought

I was your best friend, but I stabbed you in the back"?

So you're just gonna avoid him for the rest of your life?

You should at least hear his side of the story.

I already know his side of the story.

Well, maybe you got it wrong.

The only way to know for sure is to talk to him.

I mean, this guy was your best friend.

Why are you shutting him out?

I'd never do that to my best friend...

Dennis.

Who?

Dennis. My best friend.

I thought I was your best friend.

- You are my good friend. - Best friend!

Yep... yep...

After Dennis and Steve...

and then Bear, definitely!

And Blue Bunny, who I tore to pieces in '07.

But I like to think he's still with me.

And of course, Jenna is family.

I can't believe this! I mean, you're my best friend!

You're putting me in an awkward position, Ryan.

Oh! I just love doggy dancing!

What did you think?

Yeah!

: Churro! Churro! Churro!

Oh! I have to give Wilfred his churro.

It's his special treat.

I give him one after the first dance lesson

and now he's, like, conditioned to expect... Wilfred!

Remember, there's a just-for-fun dance recital this Sunday.

Everyone will get a chance to show off their dance moves.

Aw, shoot!

Drew and I are gonna be in Wisconsin this weekend.

Oh, that's a shame.

Yeah, it's not like Wilfred's gonna know the difference.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no!

This isn't happening!

Ryan, you have to dance with me on Sunday.

Yeah, right.

Oh, please, Ryan.

If I miss this, I'll die. I'll just die.

Why don't you ask your best friend Dennis?

Ryan, I have a confession to make.

Dennis will be out of town this weekend also.

I... I-I can't do this.

Come on, give us a chance.

Let's mix it up a bit.

Are you changing the music?

- But Jenna said... - "But Jenna said."

Do you always do what you're told?

Come on.

Wilfred, this is ridiculous.

You just gotta relax. Move your hips.

Oh, man, you're so tense.

I've got an idea.

Ryan...

I want you to tell me about the first time you made love.

I'm not gonna do that.

Please, just...

It was with my first girlfriend, back in high school.

We started out as study partners.

Then... one night, in her room, one thing led to another.

We were both so nervous.

And then, all of a sudden,

her dad came stomping down the hallway.

I've never gotten dressed so fast in my life.

We could barely stop giggling.

I love it.

My first experience was almost identical.

Except, instead of being my study partner,

my girl had just been hit by a car.

She was still alive, but motionless.

Defenseless.

I was so nervous.

I snuck up behind her

so she couldn't bite me when I rammed it in.

Then a few quick pumps

and her owner came stomping down the road.

I could barely stop giggling also.

Ryan...

I want you to remember how you felt

on that magical night... the joy, the passion.

Are you feeling it?

I guess so.

Good.

Hold on to that.

That's it, Ryan.

You're a natural.

Bah-bah... Hear the beat?

See?

Oh, oh, oh, really?

Really? Ryan, don't!

Are you okay?

I pulled something in my groin.

I'm such an idiot for not warming down.

Lie back.

Just breathe into it.

Is this the spot?

Uh, a bit lower.

Yeah, it's tight as all hell.

How does that feel?

Yeah.

Does that feel good?

Yes.

Wilfred, why are you making that face?

Oh... oh... that was nice.

So, should we run through the Pasodoble again?

No offense, but your Flamenco taps could be crisper.

Ryan, what's wrong? Are you okay?

Hi, James.

- Still coming? - What?!

- To the Saloon? - Mate, if there's

something's wrong, we should talk about it.

I, uh...

Otherwise, it's just gonna get worse.

Newman, are you there?