It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Dennis, do you have the tickets?

Yes, affirmative.

I got the tickets on-line, and I got the last ones.

Charlie, got booze?

So what do you think?

I think that's enough booze to last the whole movie, right?

Yes.

We're good, we're good.

Dee, time?

Uh, we have just about a half hour.

Precisely, you bitch!

I need to know precisely.

28 minutes! I'm sorry.

28 minutes.

Oh, the city is like a zoo.

I mean, traffic jam like you wouldn't believe.

Obama's got the whole thing congested.

Oh, goddamn it, Mac.

I told you there was gonna be traffic, dude.

I forgot about Obama!

We still have time.

We still have time.

No, but, dude, traffic's gonna jam us up, man.

No, no, no, we can make it, okay?

Time for what?

Time for what?

Where are you going?

We gonna go see Thundergun Express, man.

You know what I'm talking about.

What the shit is a Thundergun?

Are you crazy, dude?

It's, like, the greatest movie ever made.

It's about this warrior from a post-apocalyptic underground

society who has to travel back in time to save his lover from

an evil robot army.

Whoo... "No hesitation."

"No surrender.

No man left behind!"

It's only the biggest movie in America.

Whoa, that sounds the tits.

I'm in.

No.

How? How?

No. You do not have a ticket.

Yeah.

You didn't buy me a ticket?

I'm sorry.

What am I? Your daddy?

Yeah, I don't just buy tickets for people.

Yeah.

Well, I'll tell you what?

I'll take Deandra's ticket.

You don't like action movies.

I don't know, Frank.

This is just as much a love story as anything else.

Plus, I hear the guy hangs dong, and I'm very interested in seeing that.

Me, too.

Yeah, yeah, he hangs dong.

Mm-hmm.

What the hell am I gonna do?

Well, get out of the way, 'cause we gotta go.

Yeah.

The clock's ticking.

Let's, let's go.

Thundergun!

This blows, dude!

Drive faster.

Drive faster?

Where would you like for me to go?

I'm surrounded by cars, Charlie.

It's all these goddamn immigrants come in to see Obama.

And none of them have any insurance.

That's why they drive so slow.

Why are you even here?

The movie is sold out.

I'm gonna scalp a ticket.

Oh, shit!

I didn't bring my wallet.

You guys gotta spot me some dough.

I ain't giving you shit.

Oh, I'll sneak in.

I sneak in all the time.

I just hope we get there in time to all sit together.

I don't like to split up.

Nah, don't worry about it.

If we get split up, we'll just yell over everybody to each

other until they get annoyed with us and switch.

You call in a bomb threat, that would delay the picture.

That would be very Thundergun.

We're gonna have to do something drastic if Dennis

doesn't figure out a way to drive faster.

Yeah, come on, man.

Where would you like for me to drive?

He misses all of his angles.

Well, you can slide in front of that Prius.

Go in front of that Prius.

Oh, okay, so then I'll be stuck in front of the Prius

instead of right next to the Prius.

It's a bigger problem than that guys.

He's slow at everything.

You should see how long it takes him to bang chicks.

Mac, that's because you always try and barge in so you

can see the chicks naked.

And then I have to start the process all over again.

But you waste so much time talking to them when you should

be plowing them.

No, you don't get it, dude.

You don't get what I'm... Look, I'm forging a connection

with these women that will yield for them the most awakening and

unforgettable sexual experience of their lives.

Whatever!

I don't care about any of this!

We're gonna miss the movie!

Yeah, come on.

Hey, Thundergun it up on the curb.

Yes, go on the curb!

Thundergun it all the way down.

Thundergun's not a verb.

Stop using it as a verb.

There's nothing I can do.

It's the man's name.

Just calm down. We'll get there.

Well, I tell you one thing.

I could walk faster than we're moving.

What are you guys doing?

Oh, wait!

Get back here, you sons of bitches!

Thundergun leaves no man behind!

We'll come back for you!

Are you kidding me?

Come on!

Damn.

Please.

Shit.

All the streets are blocked.

Hey, let's ask this cop.

Excuse me, Officer.

Uh, we need to get through.

I can't help you.

The street's closed down all the way to Spring.

Yeah, but this is an emergency.

It's not my problem.

You gotta go around.

All right, we gotta find a new point of entry.

Attack the target from a different angle.

Whoa! Hold on.

What are you talking about attacking?!

No, no, no, we're not terrorists or anything.

We're just... We're trying to get to a movie, Thundergun Express.

Oh, Thundergun Express, huh?

You better get going.

You don't want to miss one second of that movie.

Is it that good?

It's the best goddamn movie I ever seen in my life.

Dude, hangs dong.

I told them that!

I told them!

I don't want to miss that!

All right, maybe we take a cab.

What about that?

A cab? Dee, don't be a fool!

We'll never get a cab out here.

Plus, we'll just sit in traffic like everybody else.

Yeah, we'll be stuck like Dennis.

The trolley!

The trolley.

We can make it, Frank!

Come on!

Yes.

No surrender, baby!

Come on! Come on, Frank.

I'm coming.

Come on. You can make it.

I'm coming.

No, no, no, no, no!

I'm not gonna make it.

No, hop off!

Hop... Don't leave me here!

We'll come back for you!

You bastards!

"You take too long.

You take too long, Dennis."

Screw you, Mac.

I don't take that long.

I'll show you who takes too long.

Son of a bitch.

Let's see.

We got Amanda, we got Brenda.

Ah, Alison.

Let's find out if Alison thought that I, that I took too long.

Too bad the museum is closed on Wednesdays.

I know.

I guess we can hang out here and get to know each other instead.

That's a good one.

What's with all the locks?

I want you to feel safe.

So your father took off when you were pretty young, huh?

That must have been difficult.

Yeah, I could probably speed things up a little bit.

I mean...